A Special Friend

I have many female friends that I talk to every now and then.  I have a couple that I stay in close contact with and even though we might not talk on the phone for weeks, or months, it is always like we just saw each other  and have great conversations. 

One of my friends, whom I have known for many years now, sent me an email today and it was just what I needed.  She is a very sweet, special lady, and always has a kind word and is ready to pray for me or anyone else whenever it is needed.

We are not of the same religious beliefs but that has never been a problem for us.  We talk about our religion and I try to understand hers, and she understands mine.  I'm never afraid to talk to her about Jesus or God. 

We worked together for years and she has always been there in time of family emergencies like when my grandfather was in and out of the hospital and passed away, when my grandmother died, and she was that at my dad's memorial service after he passed away. 

She came to my wedding shower, and my wedding and it meant a great deal to me.  She is someone I have lots of memories of and with, and we both shared a special place for Mexican food when we worked in Las Colinas.

So This is a special blog for my very special friend, "Betty Cookie Kabakoff".

Thanks! 
Love ya,
Laura

Today 12-30-10 Thursday

Okay so I couldn't come up with a title for this blog entry so the above will just have to do.  I've had my blogs open several times today and although I have a lot on my mind, the peace inside me is great, but I couldn't decide what to write. 

I have been thinking back about all the things that have happened this year and still can't quite get my head around some of it.  As I look towards the new year, I know several things I would like to accomplish.  A reader suggested I step out in faith and commit myself to God and He will fulfill my hearts desires and care for me.  I know this is true... but I have been thinking about that ever since I read it.  My hearts desires? 
Do I truly know what those are?  I'm not sure.  I've been doing a lot of research in the bible, talking to my pastor, an evangelist, and the pastor husband of one of my blogging friends.  Two have answered an email I sent and I am waiting for the response from the other, but I am pretty positive, that I will receive the same answer from Pastor Josh as I have from the others.  What am I going to do with the information?  Nothing.  It confirms my beliefs as a Baptist.  I am a Baptist because the doctrine of the Baptist follows closely to the New Testament Church it talks about in the Trail of Blood.  I am secure in what I believe.  Everyone is entitled to believe however they choose.  If you are a child of God, you believe that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin under the law, died for our sins and rose 3 days later and now sits on the right hand of the father.  I await His return with open arms and a heart full of love and the desire to do what He wants of me. 

There are many things I want to do, but most of all I just want to live one day at a time, worship God, teach others and live happily with my husband Norman.  I am going to sit and think about my heart's desires and I am going to right them down.  My husband and I have been discussing doing something to help churches and missions in the state of Texas to help others reach those that are lost.  I know that God will point us in the right direction.

Now for the human side of me, the mortal that I am, I realized this morning that I need to lose at least 30 pounds.  I gained 10 pounds when I met my husband and I was 10 pounds away from my goal weight.  I have gain another 10 pounds in the 5 years we have been together.  So one of my goals for this year and I mean the beginning of this year is to lose all that.  I would like to have that done prior to our Vow renewal ceremony on 4/2/11. 

I guess that is it for now.  May God Bless you all!  Thanks for reading and why not subscribe to one of my blogs.... I try to share the human side of me, the dog lover in me, the Christian me, and the writer me.  I think you will probably find something you like in one of them. 

Good night!

Only Four More days!

We are spending Christmas Eve in Denton with my family and I am so excited!!!  I'm making cookies today for the kids and some of the grownups and I'm finishing up Christmas presents for my husband's side of the family.  I'm trying to make cookies for the kids there too, but don't know if I have enough time with the size of the family on the Farnsworth side, but I am going to do my best.

I haven't been excited about Christmas in about four years.  The stress always gets to me because I can't seem to get everything done that I need to do and I'm so tired by the time it is over, I just pass out....

On December 31st this year, it will have been one year since I've had any kind of alcoholic beverage to drink and I think that is something to be proud of...  It is not that I am an alcoholic, but there were times when I didn't think I could relax without something alcoholic.  However, I made a promise to my husband that when we got married I would quit.  It has taken me a while, but I am there. 

Anyway, back to Christmas Eve... my niece went through rehab this year and has been transferred to a half way house and I will get to see her on Christmas Eve for the first time in about nine months.  She has finally gotten her life straightened out and I'm so very proud of her!!!  She can only visit from seven am to seven pm on Christmas Eve, and I want to get there sometime between ten and twelve so that I can spend some time with her.  I love her very much!!

Anyway, I know we will be a little sad this year too, because this is the first Christmas without my dad.  However we have lots of memories and things from the years that will make us laugh and smile. 

Hey Mom do you remember the year we dropped the ham or was it a turkey taking it out of the oven????  We laughed for hours!  Anyway, I know we will have a good time, and next year we won't have to travel at all on Christmas Eve.  We will all be together.  I can't wait!  I told my husband this morning that next year we are taking the week of Christmas off!!!!

God Bless you all and Remember that Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!  Happy New Year!

Love, L

The Future

We cannot predict the future, and the choices we make in life shape our destiny.  God however is in control of our lives, if you are a child of God that is....  I have been praying for Him to show us which direction to take and what we need to do.  I don't know if this is a sign from God or not, but here is what has happened. My daughter and son in law will be moving after the first of the year to the general area of Keller, Texas.  That is a good 2.5 to 3 hours away.  I don't want to be that far from my daughter, so I have started looking for jobs in that area. 

Yesterday, I came across a website with employment opportunities and they are headquartered in Southlake.  That is not very far from Keller and a heck of a lot closer to Denton than I currently am, and that is where my family is at this time.  With the prospect of grand babies in the next year or so, I've decided to apply for the job.  I told my husband last night, and he said okay.  We have been talking lately about both of us finding jobs that are regular and where they are not contingent on good weather and sunshine.  He has stated once of twice about going back to work in the grocery business.  I told him to do whatever makes him happy and not to worry about anything else.  It is time we thought of ourselves and what will make us happy in the long run. 

We would be leaving behind other family, friends from church and lots of memories, but we would be gaining a new outlook and chance at a life together and not having to worry all the time about money or asking for help from family, who is always there when I need them.  (Thanks Raven and Caity)  Love you both! 

However time will tell with everything, and if that is not the direction I'm sure God will give us a sign. 
Hope you all have a God Filled, and Blessed Day!  Please pray for my job opportunity.  It is something I could be happy with for a long time, and it will give me a chance to complete my schooling as well.  Love, L.

Feels Like Winter!

Okay so on Wednesday I was wearing shorts and flip flops and walking around outside.  Drove to the store with the windows down and the sun was heavenly.  Yesterday I carried a coat to my Mom's and wore it home.  Heat is on, and all the ceiling fans are off.  Two of the three dogs are wearing their sweaters.  The big dog needs a pony blanket, because they don't make dog sweaters for dogs that weigh 120pounds and stand six foot tall on their hind legs. 

Anyway, I have mini muffins in the oven for the dogs all though they smell so good, i might eat one.  ( It's oats and honey flavored)  Okay get a grip!  It is people food, not dog food.  Okay, so we drew names yesterday for Christmas at my mom's.  We did couples and i got my niece and her boyfriend.  I'm not sure what we are going to do for them yet, but I have a couple of thoughts. 

Every time I think about Christmas, or anything like that, I have heart palpitations...  No it's just that I want to do so much and money is tight, and I don't have any place to put a Christmas tree where we live.  I was really hoping that God would provide us with a new place to live big enough I could put up a tree and decorate, but maybe next year. 

Thanksgiving was great yesterday!  Ate too much!  Just normal for a holiday.  Looking forward to Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with Norman's family.  Of course if someone wants to send me on a cruise to the Virgin Islands I won't complain.  Soaking up sun on the beach with temperatures in the 70's and 80's sounds so good today!  But I would miss everyone. 

Don't forget your dogs for Christmas this year!  Go to http://dixiedogtreatsntraining.com  The What's new Page has a link to purchase my dog treat recipe book.  Your dogs will love you forever!..  It's not very expensive!!!  Please share the link and page with your friends. 

May you all be blessed abundantly in whatever you seek!  Have a God Filled Day!  Love, L

Timeless Tuesday

Today has been one of the longest days I have experienced in a while.  I miss the kids at school and this afternoon I walked over to see who was there. Only three there Emily, Jara and Laily.  Laily's mom Tracy, and Ms. Melissa.  I wish I hadn't resigned, but it was for the better.  The school doesn't have to worry about paying 4 teachers when there really wasn't enough three year old students for two classes. 

Changing the subject, Remember the song by Cyndi Lauper called Just another manic Monday!!!! That was yesterday.  I know that this time of year is very slow for my husband's work, but I don't quite remember it being this slow last year.  We are better off bill wise, because we have paid my car off, but when you look at everything in the long run, I still need to find work.  I don't want to move... but it may come to that.  We both need jobs that are steady at least for awhile. 

Anyway, it is in God's hands right now.  I've been job surfing all day practically, so much so I have a stress headache.  On a different note, we are going to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year....  I can't wait to play games and laugh and have a good time.  Almost everyone will be there except for my niece Misty, but she is being transferred to the half house from rehab.  I am so proud of her!  And my nephew John.  They are finally turning their lives around. 

I am thinking about maybe offering to babysit or watch a couple of kids after school to see if i get any takers.  It wouldn't be much income but it would be some and with cleaning at the church it will help until I can find something full time.  I'm not even sure what kind of job I want.  I just want to be able to go to school and get my degree.  Maybe I can find something at a childcare facility or something like that to help.  Anyway, I guess that is where we are right now.  If we move, I would definitely want to go the direction that my daughter and son in law are going.  I'm not sure how that will effect my husband's work.  We have to go where there is work.  I  am tired of worrying and not knowing what is going to happen.  Yes i know about giving it to God, but let's face it, that is a whole lot easier said than done.  I pray and talk to God all the time.  He answers my prayers and I know i just have to have faith and trust in the Lord, and i do try to do that everyday, but Monday was my day for a nervous breakdown.  And I had it.

My daughter is a great prayer warrior and we prayed together and all is turning out okay, not great but okay and it will get better.  I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and that you all are blessed greatly by God in all that you seek.  Have a God Filled Day!

Amazed

Sometimes I look at my life and I'm amazed and what it turned out like.... I have a wonderful husband, a super daughter, wonderful step children, and a family both by blood and by marriage that I love.  As we are growing up, we all have dreams of getting married, having a family, a house, and much, much more but as young girls and boys, you don't really understand what all that encompasses.  You don't think about the in laws that you get when you get married, or the additional sisters and brothers or if you marry someone that was or has been married before, you get step-children, and in some cases, step-grandchildren. 

Although my relationship with my step children is not anything like I had hoped, I am hoping that God will help us to heal the hurts and have a better relationship this year and the years to come.  My husband and I would both like to be a part of their lives.  I've been praying for healing in those relationships and maybe, hoping it will happen soon only God knows. 

Sometimes, it is very hard stepping in to a family where children are grown and have lives of their own.  For me, it was my first marriage and I guess I really expected more, and it didn't quite turn out that way, probably my fault but I am willing to fix the issues.  Some times our imaginations take over and then when things don't happen quite like we think, we get a little disappointed and I think that applies to both my husband and myself.

I know that God will help us heal any hurts that we may have caused with family.  I'm hoping that family will allow us to make those amends and have a relationship in the future.  God has done wonderful things in our lives over the last year and half.  I'm looking forward to what He has in store for us in the future, but right now I'm happy living one day at a time, doing His will, in His service, where ever that maybe doing whatever He wants us to do.  Have a God Filled Day!  May you be blessed Abundantly in all things you seek, when you seek His face, His guidance, His will and His wisdom.  Love, L.

My First Day as a School Teacher

Okay so Tuesday, August 31st, was my first day as a preschool teacher and it was awesome!  I had six little three year olds; one boy and 5 girls.  They are all very precious and even though the day was kind of hectic, we did have fun and learn a few things.  The letter of the week is A a, the number for the month is "1", the color of the month is "red" and the shape of the month is "Circle". 

Nap time was from about 1:30/1:40 until 3:00 or whenever the parents make it by to pick up their little people.  I love them all, already and I can't wait for tomorrow.  They each have their own cubbie. 

With there very own water bottle, nap mat, and their name is on there, too!  They can bring their own blanket and pillow too!

We have part of a board on one wall of our room.  On that board we have a poster with names and birthdays of the children, and all the teachers.  We also have a section labeled our class and it has all our first names written. 

There is also a poster with our numbers up to the number "Ten".  Hopefully by the end of the school year they will be able to count to at least 10, but we are hoping that maybe they can even make it to 20.

In the mornings we have what we call our morning songs.  First we say a prayer to start the day, and then we do all our pledges: Pledge of Allegiance, Texas Flag Pledge, Christian Flag Pledge, and the Pledge to the Holy Bible.  We sing about the days of the week, the month and we do alphabet sounds.  On our board we have the month, with all the numbers of the day for the month, and we have a poster that tells them what today is, yesterday was, and what tomorrow will be.

There is also a poster that talks about the season, and the weather for the day.  We also have our shape, color and number for the month on this board.  We do a bible verse for each letter we learn and we do the verse about the fruit of the Spirit. There is a poster for each characteristic.  Here is the verse:  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.  Galatians 5:22-23a. 

One of the highlights of Tuesday was that we had colored noodles, pink and blue, and they got to cut them up and play with them.  Thanks Miss Melissa!.  That afternoon the kids asked if they could play with the worms again!

Someone told me today, that they think this is my calling.  If it is,God will definitely make sure it all works out and I will pursue my teaching certificate. 

May you all be blessed beyond your beliefs, by the one and true living God.

Love, L

Teacher and Everything Else

Okay so today was a Teacher's in service day and we were off premises, which is nice, because on the three days I don't teach, I still clean at the church.  Anyway, we went over curriculum, lesson plans, centers, PE, Music, Science, Story Time/Safety Lesson, and Bible Study.  I'm the only one not certified, but I don't have to be at the Day school.  I am hoping that God will use this time to show me if teaching is something I need to pursue or not and if it is, I want to be certified. 

I was so overwhelmed with things.  We are at school from 7:30 to 3:30 on Tuesday and Thursdays.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared... (I know it is 3 year olds...What do I have to be scared of???) Anyway, I will have eight little children that I get to teach how to write their names, count, learn all the pledges, the calendar, the alphabet... and the list goes on.  My husband says this is my practice for being a grandma.  He says I have so much love in my heart that I need to share it with all those little kids. 

I feel kind of like a fish out of water, but I know it will be okay, because God is going to be there every step of the way.  I love that I'm at a school where it's okay to talk about Jesus, God, The bible, and we even pray in the mornings, before snack and before lunch.

Thursday will be getting our rooms set up for the kids.  Monday night is open house, and then the first day of school is August 31st.  Whew Hoo!!!!!!  Tomorrow I get some one on one training and help with my lesson plan.  I'm having a difficult time getting the logistics but I know it will all come together. 

I hope that as a Christian I will be able to impact some of these peoples lives, as a mother and grandmother I get to share my love with the children while teaching them to write and count.  I can't wait!!!!

May you all be truly Blessed by God.  Impact a small person's life if you get the chance.  You may be the difference they need.

To My Daughter

When I asked God 24 years and 14 months ago (you were baking for 9 of those, more like 10) for someone to love me unconditionally, I had no idea that He would bless me with someone like you.  You have taught me to be patient, understanding, and gentle.  You have taught me that no matter what we are always there for each other. 

I love the person you have become.  You are beautiful, intelligent, giving, caring and thoughtful.  You are a daughter, a wife, a granddaughter, a sister and one day soon you too, will be a mother.  I hope for you a daughter just like I received from God.  I love that you walk with God, and that your faith is strong.  I love that you have that joy in your heart that only God can place there. 

Over the years we have played, laughed and probably done some things we shouldn't.  I've enjoyed every minute of every day that we have spent together.  Even though there were times when we were angry, we never left one another.  I know it was probably tough on you growing up with out a dad around all the time, but you had something better.  You had a grandfather that loved you as if you were his.  He was so happy the day I told him and Nanny that I was going to have a baby.  He was all smiles.

I know that I have made mistakes while you were growing up, but we learned together and I want so much for you.  I want you to dream big dreams, laugh as much as possible, love with all your heart and know that above everything else, you were a gift from God. 

Cherish every day as if it were you last.  Never forget to tell people you love them, and never let angry words hurt those you love.  You are and will always be, my baby girl.  Love, Mom.

Finally Friday!!!

It's finally Friday and it has been an awesome week!  My mom came down on the 30th of July and stayed with my daughter until this morning.  BY THE WAY MOM....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

It has come to my attention that I haven't lost my temper but once this week.... That is a major accomplishment, and I haven't been angry but once this week... same day.  I know that is because I've given my life to GOD. 

GOD has answered two of my prayers this week, so if you doubt that GOD hears you, DON'T.  However you have to be willing to listen and to do what HE asks you to do, when you give your life to GOD.  I know this is a bunch of rambling, but my mind has been running 100mph today, even when I took a little nap, I dreamed in super fast speed.  HAHA!  Glad there wasn't any policemen in my dream... I might have a ticket!!  LOL.

Recovery meeting was awesome last night and my husband, Norman (For those who don't know his name) stood in front of the group again and shared, and made a joke, which I was part of... it was quite funny!  He told the group that anyone that needed to talk, could call the house and it didn't matter if it was 4 am.  He said, "My wife will answer the phone," and there was a 1000 laughs (okay so I exaggerate a little).  Then he said, "No really she always hears the phone and will answer and wake me up.  It's true.  I'm not a very deep sleeper. 

What prayers did GOD answer for me this week?  I will share one.  Since I quit working in corporate America, I haven't had any friends.  Oh I have email buddies, and people I talk to on Face book, but no one to call and say let's go to sonic, or want to go to the movies or anything like that.  So I've been praying that someone would come along.  Some one that was a christian, that shared the same beliefs, and that it would just seem inevitable that we were going to be friends.  Well it happened.  A young lady from church that I see almost every day asked me to become her prayer partner and we just hit it off!  We've been talking and sharing for awhile.  She is sooooo sweet!!!!!  Anyway, she was the answer to my prayer.  She is a great friend and I know we are going to be good friends for a long time. 

So let's see oh yeah, I was cleaning the auditorium today.  The baptistry has been filled going on three weeks now.  On Thursday, I went over and threw some bleach in it to kill anything growing (Just kidding), but we do have a cricket problem right now.  The little buggers are every where.  So today after I dusted the auditorium I went up into the baptistry to dip out crickets.  Well I got what I could reach by standing on the very top, no water.  However, some of the little buggers were in the middle.  So being a good Baptist, I took off my flip flips and walked down the first couple of steps.  Water just above my ankles and I was able to get a couple more.  However, the pump kicked on, and they started swirling out to the middle.  Now I wear shorts and a T-shirt to clean in, but I really didn't want to go swimming in the Baptistry.  So I took one more step down, water to my knees now and was able to get a couple more.  However, then I guess I swirled the water to much because on the filter, a couple that were stuck fell off. And went to the bottom.  As I stood there looking at the crickets, and the depth of the water, I realized that there was no way to get the rest without getting a little wet.  So I pulled my shorts up and took the next step down with my left foot.  The edge of my shorts still got wet.  I leaned over and now the left half of my shirt was wet, but I got 'em!!!  The little buggers did not get away.  SO I climbed out and looked and then I notice, one had swam to the other side.  I dried off, walk out of that side, went to the other side, unlocked the door, climbed the steps and he was floating towards the other side and was almost to the middle...... so back into the water I went...  LEANED WAY OUT!  Foot started to slide, but swiped him up in the net, and didn't get any wetter.... WHOA!!!!  Actually... it wasn't too bad, and I came home afterwards, but it was necessary since we are Baptizing 4 people on Sunday!!!!  I won't mind if I have to get a snorkel and wet suit and clean the baptistry for the rest of the year as long as God keeps leading new people to church and they keep accepting HIM as their Savior.  Can I get an AMEN???  AAAAAAMMMMMEEEENNNN!

Your Dreams

I am a Facebook user and over the last week or so there have been some people who have posted a status similar to "Never give up or walk away from a dream that you can't go a day without thinking about."  Do dreams have deadlines?  Only if we set them up to have one.  There are five things or dreams I still want to accomplish before I leave this world:

1) To have a place for my husband and I to call our own and grow old together.

2) To be a published author.

3) To train dogs to help people whether that is as therapy dogs, or service dogs of some kind like for the hearing impaired, or just as a companion.

4) To finish recovery and to help others through the process.

5) To be the best I can be for God, so that other people come to know Him as their Savior, and Lord.

I work on all five of these almost more than once a day or more than a daily basis if that is possible.  I know that I can accomplish my dreams and I will never give them up.  It is not for recognition, fame or fortune.  It is because it is something I feel strongly about.  There are just some things in this life that cause us or move us emotionally, physically and spiritually.  These are mine.  Just because it is taking longer than you wanted or planned does not mean you give it up.  We all experience setbacks.  Remember that God answers prayers and take cares of all our needs.  Remember it is in His time frame, not ours.  Maybe instead of giving up - it is time to examine your heart - Get it right with God.  Stop trying to "Fix" it or people.  Ask God to "fix" you or help you and then stand Firm in your Faith.

With all my love, I say these things.  I know that some of you are having a difficult time.  God gave me this yesterday and I knew I had to share it with everyone.  Have a God Filled Day!  Never Give Up.  God is there waiting for you to ask Him for whatever your needs are and to thank Him for being your Lord and Savior.  And if you haven't asked Him into your heart, maybe now is the time.
Love, L

Separating Your Feelings

There are times lately that I have a hard time separating out my feelings.  I pretty sure most of it is because I am going to recovery meetings and it takes you through a lot of self-examination.  During the day, my mood fluctuates so much that I can cry one minute and laugh myself to tears the next.  Are my hormones screwed up?  Probably.  I've needed to go to the doctor for hormonal issues for more than a year.  No health insurance and lack of income stop me from going. 

Some days I feel I have given up a lot in the last few years and I am resentful that I've had to do that, not because I was asked to give them up, but because I had to make some very difficult decisions.  Do I ever wish I could turn back time?  Several hundred times a week.  Would it make a difference?  Probably not. 

But I do have some regrets that have caused a lot of guilt feelings.  The guilt won't seem to go away, and I hope as I travel through on the road to recovery, that they will.  I lean more on God every day.  I find myself praying and don't even realize that I am doing it.  I find myself singing a song in my head from church service on Sunday morning, or from one I've been listening too on the radio at the house.  It's not a bad thing, because it keeps me from reliving things from my past.  It keeps anger at bay.  And I feel closer to God and eventually kind of calm inside. 

The dreams that are happening, I'm sure stem from recovery and having to analyze things from my past.  One or two things that keep coming back to surface is the question about being selfish.  I've never thought of myself as being selfish, maybe I am and just don't see.  I'm sure I could pose the question to family and friends and they would be more than happy to answer.  Oh but am I ready for that part of recovery?  I'm not even sure I'm ready for recovery. 

Okay and just as a reminder, recovery is not just for drug addicts or alcoholics.  It is for people who have been hurt in their past from many different things or maybe because they have other addictions that could eventually harm them or ruin their lives.  So before you look down your nose at someone because they are attending recovery meetings, examine your own past.  Maybe you need to go too!

The Last Three Weeks

I guess I'm writing today, just to catch everyone up on us. I worked at the church all week last week and put in 36 hours. Whew Hoo! Good paycheck coming. Norman and the guys are working in Cedar Hill on a nice size job and that is good. We got the medical release from the Texas Department of Public Safety and he gets to keep his driver's license. Yeah Buddy!

I'm updating my resume, signed up for a online job opportunity, but still looking for something that will help us to make more ends meet! Haha! We've been living in this trailer for almost a year now, sad thing is based on the shape the trailer is in, we won't renew our lease so I'm off looking for a place to move. I want to find some place permanent. I'm not sure that is possible based on income at this point, but we are praying. (SO if I pray for a place rent free for one year, do you think God will answer????) I haven't had time to write or do a lot of work on my websites. I know that I can make some money from them, just need to get more hours in the day. We had a wonderful Easter service at our church. The church had a marketplace set up and we dressed as characters starting on Palm Sunday.That is the picture at the top. My husband is standing beside the Roman Soldier. May God Bless you all!..

Its Been A While

Life seems really distant these days. My dad went in to the hospital with pneumonia, and we lost him on February 8th. You never think about losing your parents, and the emotions that you go through until you do lose them. No one that still has their parents understands what you are going through, or what you feel. I know that my daddy is much better in heaven with Jesus, then in a bed in ICU struggling. I know that he is no longer in pain, but those he left behind are still experiencing pain and struggling with grief. I have my good days and then I have those that are bad. Sunday was such a day, and so is this afternoon. I want to hear him laugh. We will all survive and eventually it won't hurt as much as it does right now. I know that in my heart. My mom is very strong, and she calls to check on us girls. I guess you never stop being a parent, no matter how old your children are. You want to make the hurt go away. I do have many, many wonderful memories with my dad. We built a house together. We square danced together and I gave him a grand-daughter that thought of him as a dad. He walked me down the aisle at the age of 44 and gave permission for me to marry my husband. Then a little more than a year later, he walked my daughter down the aisle and I gave permission for her to marry her husband. Today, has been a little strange. I think about what has happened in the last six weeks and feel sometimes like time has been suspended and that things are not really what they seem to be, but then something happens and reality sinks in once more. One thing I know for sure, is that my daddy, our daddy, always believed in us and urged us to fulfill our dreams. He was always proud of us, and was never afraid to show us how much he loved us. There were plenty of hugs and kisses and tickles as we were growing up. I know my mom misses him and they had 51 years together, and one day we will all be together again. Love your parents, honor your parents, and tell them often how much they mean to you. You never know when time will run out and you lose that chance forever.

Funny How Things Look in Hindsight

It just seemed that all of 2009 was such a struggle and 2010 is off to a rough start. After I quit my profession of 24 years, I assumed (everyone knows what that means) that I would have no problems making money at home. My pride, would not let me think otherwise. (Pride goeth before the fall). I tried many things and finally accepted failure. I took a job at a local furniture store, making $500 every two weeks, and was angry because I had felt that society, family and friends had let me down. No one was at fault; it was my assumption that was the problem, that and my pride. I was afraid to ask anyone for help. I didn't want anyone to know that there was something I couldn't do. Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't afford to live in my house any longer either. We finally moved in with my daughter after I gave my dogs to new owners. This by far has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I turned back to payer and to God, finally, devastated, frustrated, and miserable, lost and confused. Things became worse before they got better. In May of 2009, my husband blacked out behind the wheel. He is doing fine, but to this day we still don't know why or what happened. But God has brought us through that. I continually pray for guidance. I've been told that the bible says we just have to claim our promises, desires and needs, and God will deliver. I've kept a prayer journal off and on since November of 2008. In January of 2009, I had symptoms of a heart attack and because I felt like I had failed my husband, I went to the emergency room and didn't want my husband called. I had the retarded thought that he didn't really love me and that he didn't care. I was wrong, very wrong. We are each others soul mate. We didn't marry each other for one to take care of the other. We married each other because we fell in love. I prayed to God to help our marriage and to help my husband's faith to be stronger as well as mine. It seems that the more I prayed the more difficult things became, and still are at times. It is said that there isn't anything that God brings you to, that He doesn't bring you through. We have to trust and believe that God will take care of all our needs and see us through. Things for 2010 are going to be better. This year our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I still plan to make a living with my computer. I want my house back and I've prayed for over a year. Today I received a call from someone offering to help. Of course, it comes at a cost, but I know God will take care of that if it is meant to be. We have a new church home and I'm learning to stop and pray when there are issues. I still get tired of waiting and I'm really ready for the trials and tribulations to go away. God will get us through this year. My husband and I know this and we know that we have each other no matter what and that God is always with us. May God Bless you all. L

Happy New Year + 3 days

Okay so I'm a little late posting the first blog for the New Year, but I've been sick since 12/27/09. So I've seen some blogs where people have made New Year Resolutions, but no one ever keeps them, so instead of resolutions I have set goals. Of course with goals you should allow for set backs and have a strategy for working around obstacles right? Okay well I'm not sure I have a strategy for working around the obstacles and they have already struck, so I'm just going to state my goals and pray again for divine intervention. I know God hears and its says you just have to claim it for it to be yours! So my cousin and I state our goals in an email on New Years Day and we have both claimed it. Of course now the devil gets to play havoc with our goals. So if you made New Years Resolutions, please feel free to share. If you made goals that is excellent as well. Please register your email address on the link to my blog. Okay and here are my goals:



0. To become more involved with church and make Jesus a bigger part of our lives.

1. To become or to be acknowledge as a published writer/author.

2. To find a income solution other than working as a general contractor for me and my husband.

3. To become debt free(this one will probably take longer than 1 year, but we will start)

4. To find land and build our house free and clear and live off of our land.



Those are not many goals, but it is a start. This is going to be our year and yes it has not started off on a great foot, but it can only get better. May God Bless you in 2010.

I was on a Mission

I left the house yesterday on a mission, a two part mission. The first part was to try to find a place to rent and although I found a couple of places, it was nothing affordable. The second part of my mission was to find a software program to allow me to publish my ebook and do other desktop publishing jobs. So here are the results of my mission. First was it successful? Yes, Did I accomplish what I set out to do? No, what I came home with was God lead. I came home with two books. One is a daily devotional reading which I needed. The second one was a book called God's Promises for your every need. God provides what we need when we need it. God provides for all that we need and I need to learn to trust that and hold one to the promises. I'm trying very hard to get rid of the dark harbored feelings I have towards some people and accept them for who they are. Will they do the same? God has to deal with them, not me. This is praying that everyone learns to lean more on God and not the world for our needs. I pray for a blessed and happy, healthy day for everyone. Love, L

Announcement - My Website

Hello everyone, I hope God has smiled on each and everyone of you today. Remember all your friends and family in prayer and to thank God for all He has blessed you with in life. I just wanted to take a moment and share with you that I have a website. It took me a while to come up with the title, but here it is: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com. It is not completely set up the way I want yet, but I hope to have that completed by the end of the week. Please go check it out. May God bless each and everyone of you! L

Prayer

Prayer is not that hard but sometimes I find it very difficult. There is no wrong way to pray. God created us and we are His children and just like any other parent we should be able to talk to Him about anything. But I guess, just like with any parent some things are difficult to broach in a conversation. I know my path is changing, and I know God is the one steering it in the direction it needs to go. However, I feel that I am flailing in the wind, unsure of my destination or destiny.

2 Chronicles 6:40Now, my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and let Your ears be attentive to the prayer made in this place.

Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Today, these two verses stood out among many others. I have not been writing in my prayer journal lately due to busy schedules. It is wrong to let my schedule get in the way of my conversations with God. Prayer should be the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning hours. I am trying to redirect my life and this will be my first step back to God. Please read my blog: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com It will be my step by step progress of the direction I want my life to go. May God Bless you all, L.