Funny How Things Look in Hindsight

It just seemed that all of 2009 was such a struggle and 2010 is off to a rough start. After I quit my profession of 24 years, I assumed (everyone knows what that means) that I would have no problems making money at home. My pride, would not let me think otherwise. (Pride goeth before the fall). I tried many things and finally accepted failure. I took a job at a local furniture store, making $500 every two weeks, and was angry because I had felt that society, family and friends had let me down. No one was at fault; it was my assumption that was the problem, that and my pride. I was afraid to ask anyone for help. I didn't want anyone to know that there was something I couldn't do. Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't afford to live in my house any longer either. We finally moved in with my daughter after I gave my dogs to new owners. This by far has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I turned back to payer and to God, finally, devastated, frustrated, and miserable, lost and confused. Things became worse before they got better. In May of 2009, my husband blacked out behind the wheel. He is doing fine, but to this day we still don't know why or what happened. But God has brought us through that. I continually pray for guidance. I've been told that the bible says we just have to claim our promises, desires and needs, and God will deliver. I've kept a prayer journal off and on since November of 2008. In January of 2009, I had symptoms of a heart attack and because I felt like I had failed my husband, I went to the emergency room and didn't want my husband called. I had the retarded thought that he didn't really love me and that he didn't care. I was wrong, very wrong. We are each others soul mate. We didn't marry each other for one to take care of the other. We married each other because we fell in love. I prayed to God to help our marriage and to help my husband's faith to be stronger as well as mine. It seems that the more I prayed the more difficult things became, and still are at times. It is said that there isn't anything that God brings you to, that He doesn't bring you through. We have to trust and believe that God will take care of all our needs and see us through. Things for 2010 are going to be better. This year our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I still plan to make a living with my computer. I want my house back and I've prayed for over a year. Today I received a call from someone offering to help. Of course, it comes at a cost, but I know God will take care of that if it is meant to be. We have a new church home and I'm learning to stop and pray when there are issues. I still get tired of waiting and I'm really ready for the trials and tribulations to go away. God will get us through this year. My husband and I know this and we know that we have each other no matter what and that God is always with us. May God Bless you all. L

Life of a Dog

Some days I wish life was as simple as that of one of my dogs. They sleep in a heated or cooled house depending on the season. They get breakfast & dinner served to them every day and are free to play as much as they want or as little as they want. They come and go as they please, fresh water, and a clean bed is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They have no laundry to do, no dishes to wash, no job to go to except one. There job on a daily basis is to bark at our neighbor I.W., the bloodhound at the yard in the back, the black/white cat that belongs to the neighbors across the street, and every large truck and siren in the town and that travels our street, oh and the red dog that just travels the neighborhood. As for as sisters go, they don't mind sharing their toys, and they like to play, but they will not and do not like to share their snacks or the attention that mom and dad give them. They love us unconditionally, and we love them. I can't imagine my life without one of them. Dixie, my cockerbeagle will be 10 in February. George, my not so miniature schnauzer will be 5 in August, and Sioux, my baby will be 4 in June. They are so excited to see us when we get home in the evenings or even after we have just run errands. They eagerly meet us at the door and want immediate attention. So for those of you who know me and my dogs, you know what I would and wouldn't do for them. They are and forever will be my babies. Here are pictures taken this week. Enjoy! Take care of your pets! They love you when no one else does.....

My Christmas Wish

My Christmas wish is not something that family and friends can necessarily fill. My Christmas wish is not something you can hold in your hand, it doesn't come in a box nor can it be placed under the tree. My Christmas wish is for both my husband and me. My Christmas wish is something only God can fulfill. My faith is strong and I know deep in my heart and soul that God hears my pleas and cries. I know He will answer in His time, but it is hard as the days go by not to be disappointed that my prayers have not been answered. Maybe God is trying to teach us a lesson. I'm not sure. So what is my Christmas wish? It is simple. My wish is that God show my husband and I where He wants us to be and what He wants us to do. My wish is that we do work that glorifies God and not so that we have to worry if we can pay the rent and the utilities and buy a few groceries. My wish is that we can help others prosper from doing that, but prosper not monetarily but spiritually. I know I probably didn't say that right, but hopefully you will know what I mean. I know that God will. My wish is that we can live our lives and not have to worry or stress and that we can be happy, and help others with the life that God has planned. Love, L

Typical Monday

Its a typical Monday morning, chilly, damp and I don't want to work outside today.. But I will if we go. We are close to finishing this job and I really hope we make enough to catch things up and have enough for a little Christmas. If not, I'm sure God will take care of our needs. I miss my family, my friends, and my socializing outside of family with co-workers and clients. I don't miss the clients enough to want to go back to corporate America, but I do miss it.

We made both church services yesterday. I really like the church and the people. I can feel God at work there, and sometimes it is hard not to cry during singing and invitation. I know that is God working in my life. I know God has something wonderful planned for me and Norman. I just wish He would let us know what it is.

Hope you all have a wonderful, God blessed day! Wishing each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas!

Bible Verse: 1 Peter 1:16

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Too Much Thinking

Sometimes I think it is possible to think too much... Lately, I have been losing sleep because it is like my brain never shuts down. Impossible right? Wrong... I hate it when I have so much on my mind that I can't sleep. We all have troubles these days, and yes those keep me awake and worried, but I know that God is taking care of that... but lately, I've been thinking that maybe my life needs to be pointed towards a new direction. I've been telling my husband for a long time, that I would love to be able to try to live off the land, and live "green" instead of trying so hard to keep work coming in, and not having a place of our own. I know to go green, and be financially free, it takes money. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, I would love to have a little farm or ranch, that would produce enough for us to have food, and money, and not have to worry. Is that possible? I'm not sure. Of course, if I could use my writing to help bring in the income that would be cool too. Does my husband share my same wish? He would like to be financially free, and able to work as a general contractor when he wanted too, and not because we have to have the money. Will we ever get there? I'm not sure, but it has made us both stop and re-examine our lives, and think more seriously about what we want our futures to be. Could we sell everything we don't have to have, and get up and walk away from the life we have now? I'm not sure. I would also love to be able to do more with the church. So have I been thinking too much???? Only God knows that, and God also knows what is in our hearts and what we need and what we want. God will take care of everything in His time, and not ours. We love our new church family. Is this the church we are suppose to be part of? God will let us know in time. God Bless each and everyone of you.

My Bucket List

My husband and I recently watched, "The Bucket List", with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The movie is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, but it was a really good movie and it did raise a few questions. Like do you have funeral arrangements made so your loved ones don't have to worry about them? Are you finances in shape so that you don't leave behind debt for your family? And of course, do you have a bucket list? As far as my funeral arrangements, I want a Viking burial.... no grave, no flowers every year and I want a party to celebrate me going home to live with Jesus... Finances, we struggle constantly with that, but are hopefully that with in the next couple of years those will also be under control. Most important on this topic is the bucket list. I can't wait to see responses!!! Share 5 things you want to do before you die... Here are my five..

1. Swim with the sharks around the Great Barrier Reef
2. Go to Kenya or Tanzania on a photo safari shoot.
3. Go Tandem skydiving with my husband..(This is on his bucket list)
4. Fly a helicopter
5. Train one dog to help someone that is hearing impaired.

I could go on and on, but that is five of things I would like to do...

Please share your bucket list. May God Bless you all, Love, L

Here is my Prayer for the day

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.
I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

What Inspires me?

There are many things that inspire me as well as many people. My mother has always inspired me to follow my dreams. My sisters say that writing is my gift. My husband has encouraged me and has inspired me to keep writing stories and on all of my blogs. My husband, mother and my sisters, I think all read my blogs. I have four that I maintain and it is those times when I can step back and really think, escape or share my beliefs, hopes, dreams and my imagination. However, there are many other things that inspire me. Things like hearing someone say something funny, sad or profound. Seeing the break of day, a night sky full of stars, the birth of a puppy, or a newborns cry, these things inspire me as well. Snowing falling, rain an sun streaming through threes these are all God's handy work and are inspiring. Most of the time my inspiration comes from the way I feel about a person, a particular situation or something that has happened in my life. It sometimes comes from the need to know that my writing my possibly help some one else over come a hurdle in their life. My dreams have inspired me for years as well as the goals I set for myself. There have been times in the last year that I felt I should give up, and I recently wrote about it. A very good friend told me not to give up, to be strong. So that is what I'm doing while I wait for my next inspiration. May God Bless you all. L

Dreams.... To Follow or Give Up

Some times it seems that I'm being given signs to keep believing that one day I'll have my dream, and then there are days when I think it is useless and just to give up. How do you know when it is time to let it go?? Is it a feeling? Are there definite signs??? Do I keep pushing? I'm not sure any more. I'm 47 years old and I think it is time that I redefine what is important to me. I love animals but I know that my husband does not share my enthusiasm for them. I love writing, but in the last few months I've had signs that maybe it is not to be... I finished my book Scattered Thoughts and I really would like to publish it. Even if I self-published it would be a goal that I accomplished this year. However, I know there are some things that would hurt people if I published it, and that is not something I want to do. Even though there are no names, of people directly it would make hard feelings and there are already enough of those I feel like some times. I don't know how many times in the last few months that I've been told I need to let go of the anger, and the funny thing is I'm not angry. I've been told I'm bitter. I don't see it... I've been told I'm depressed.. maybe. I've lost a lot of good friends since I quit corporate America. I don't have any close friends and I was even told that was because I push people away. Maybe? So when do you know to call it quits? When do you decide it is time to let those things go, and just try to make it in the world? Maybe it is time to go some place new and start over? Maybe I am a bitter angry person and that is why I can't see the things I need to see. I guess I'm just questioning things. I'm having a hard time staying focused on the present, because the future is so unsure. I just don't know....

Three Questions

I have a friend who writes a blog called, "Striving for 31", http://www.strivingfor31.com/. She is the wife of a Baptist preacher in North Carolina. Her blogs are more, so much more than mine are and raise a lot of questions for me sometimes. Today or the last post I read was titled, "Getting to know you...". She asked 10 questions, three of which I left blank. The three questions that I didn't answer are as follows:

• What do you really want for Christmas?


• If you could ask God one question (anything goes) what would you ask Him?


• What inspires you?

Those three questions have stumped me. Normally I would have an answer flying from my fingertips to a key board, but this year has been so different, unusual, full of trials and tribulations and has made me step back and re-examine aspects of my life. I have no regrets about the decisions that I have made and that have brought me to this point. So I'm trying to answer these questions and I'm trying to be as truthful with myself and with you, my readers.

So here is one of the questions: What do I really want for Christmas?

This should be a fairly easy and simple question, but its not. I could ask for something frivolous like a bottle of perfume or some new clothes or a video game or a new DVD, but that is not what I really want. I guess deep down, I just want to be happy and healthy and I have both of those already. I love my husband and my family and I want for all of them to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. That is or would be an exceptional gift! It is a gift that only God can give and I ask that for them all.

As for the other two questions, what question would I ask God? That one will be addressed on the following blogspot: http://livingbythewordofGod.blogspot.com. What inspires me? I will address on this blogspot as soon as I write my answer. May God Bless each and everyone of you in the days to come, and may He fulfill all your needs, desires and wants... Love, L

Running 100 mph

Whew!! That is all I can say!!! My daughter broke her hand last Friday. We took her to the orthopedic yesterday and she has a nice fiberglass cast now. She is having great difficulty learning to do things with only one hand. However, have you ever stopped to think about what you do with both hands and take it for granted??? I mean like taking a shower and washing your hair, opening up a can of soup, pulling up your pants or putting on a shirt.... I mean can you do those things with one hand????? Anyway, she is adjusting and she goes back to the doctors in a month. However, she is stressed beyond belief.

I feel like I'm running trying to take care of her but I would do it know matter what. She has taken care of me so many times, with a bum knee, after gastric bypass, and when I had mono. Between her and my mom, I'm indebted until the day I die.

I hit the floor running almost every morning by five am or 5:30, and I'm not usually in the bed before 10:30 and if I am, I'm dead within minutes and don't sleep but a couple of hours. Life is full these days and I'm loving it. My favorite parts are working on my blogs, my bible studies, and doing just normal wife things. Today, however, I need a nap. I'm glad my husband got back in time to mow the lawn. Now, dishes, dinner, the remainder of the laundry, and hopefully bed before midnight. Oh and we have a job!!! Yes God does take care of all our needs and gives us the energy to handle the things He lets us keep. May God Bless you all. Please say a prayer for my daughter for her hand, and for the rest of my family as they have the flue. Love you all, L

The End of the Week

Wow, it has been one of those weeks where I seemed to be at a dead run, but had nothing really to do. I finished a baby blanket, found the hot pad boards to return to my sister, worked on my bible study, came up with a new name for a new blog, and nursed my dog back to health. Other than that it was just normal household chores like cleaning, laundry, and budgeting for bills, oh and my daughter broke her hand. Go figure! So why do I feel like something was missing? If you read my blogs, I just wrote a conversation with God. I have those a lot, more now than I use to, and much deeper than they use to be. We are going to church again. Everyone is really nice, you can feel the love in the church, and everyone makes sure to speak and say hi, and no one said, "you have my seat." We know several people that already go there, and that makes it nice. We can walk across the street and we are there. We are going again tomorrow. I'm glad. I wasn't sure if we would or not. I'm not sure what next week will be like. I love working with my husband and brother in law, but sometimes it is difficult, especially if there are no facilities for potty breaks. I want my website to work. I want to write and be able to make a living, and not just a living to get us by or to pay the bills, but to be a legitimate income. I'm not looking for fame or to get rich. I just want to do more than survive. I don't want to have to worry about the weather effecting work, or the time of year when it is slow for general contracting, and I don't want my husband to have to work until he is 80. I know God will show us what we need to do, so in the meantime, please check out my website: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com, and my other blogs: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com, and http://beagledowns.blogspot.com, and there will soon be a new one, the name will be announced soon. May God Bless you all this week. Love, L

Can't Shake It

Do you ever have days where your brain will just not shut off for a few minutes? I mean even why you are sleeping, your brain continually thinks. Or do you ever have a day, where one single thing takes all the brain capacity you have and will not go away? For some reason today has been one of those days. I woke up in an excellent mood. It was a little chilly, coffee was made and you could smell it all over the house... ahhh it was so good. I'm not sure what triggered the mood change. I'm not sure what made the thoughts enter and why they will not leave. It wasn't just one single thought. It was several. I did my devotionals this morning, prayed just like always. So why is the devil taking over? I prayed for God to send him away. So what are the thoughts that have been plaguing me today? Where am I headed? What am I suppose to do with my life? Will life ever be normal again? Why do things happen just before the holidays? I've asked myself that last question for years. I guess that is why I don't really enjoy the holidays any more. It always seemed that something either happens just before a major holiday or while everyone is together. I love visiting family so what happened in my life to make things change? I can probably answer that question, and all the ones above but it is best sometimes to leave things unsaid, not spoken. May God Bless You all. Love L