My Writings

For the last few days I've been writing articles or thoughts or something anyway and I'm just putting them in a folder.  Some will hurt people, some will make people wonder, and some might make people go away.  I'm not sure.  I'm not sleeping so good these days, too many worries, and yes before you ask, I've handed them to God several times.  It's just that the world keeps putting them back on top instead of at the bottom of the cross.  Oh! Wait!  I guess that is me and not the world, but the world does cause me to pick them back up.  My faith is strong but not strong enough.  So I write and write.  Hoping that one of these days I will get it all out and down on paper and the world will look better from the ink drippings on my page. 

Some times each dot of ink is almost like a tear falling softly down.  Some times it is a raindrop, huge and with force blowing against the pane of my heart.  Some times the dot of ink is the thunder and lightening and I'm enjoying it as it splashes across the page.  My writings allow me to feel and I don't always feel which is one of the things I wrote about today, this morning.  It is easy for me to throw up a wall and block people out of my life, some times forcing those I love to stand back for awhile until I'm ready to feel again.  I'm not sure if that makes me heartless or not.  Some times, I don't feel like I have a heart or that I am truly capable of real feelings.  I some times don't know who I really am deep down.  Who am I as a person?  What am I as a person?  Maybe one day I will discover that and maybe then I can share it with everyone.


L

A Destructive Streak

If you read my blogs, I shared about my eating disorder and some of my trigger foods.  Because of the gastric bypass sugar is a no no, carbonation is suppose to be a no no, drinking through a straw is also one of those things I'm not suppose to do.  Also since the surgery, I have developed a few things that I am allergic to like chocolate, milk, ranch dressing in large quantities, queso, and I have problems with digesting lettuce. 

So there are times when I know what I am eating is going to make me sick.  So why do I do it?  I usually reason it out with this statement, "I haven't had it in a long time and I need it."  It is true to a point.  Sometimes I just want the taste again.  I love salads.  I like to eat cereal.  Yesterday I made brownies and I've eaten them twice. 

I know emotions effect this a lot, so I try to figure out what exactly it is that drives me to do this.  I'm not lonely.  I have a wonderful marriage.  We have financial difficulties, but then who doesn't these days.  I think a big problem I have right now is trying to figure out what, where and when.  Finding a job is stressing the situation as well.  I want to go back to school, but they are requiring pre-algebra and I'm sure it is necessary, but I would like to start working towards my degree as well.  Maybe teaching is not the degree I need to go after?  I just not sure.  So I think really that is the issue.  I want to use the things I love to make a living, but then I think about that in the long run and wonder how long will the world need an animal trainer or dog trainer, and does any one still read books, fiction.? 

I know that I need to start journaling again.  I haven't in almost two months at least not on a consistent basis and maybe that will help me.  I talk to God constantly and know that He is there providing for me and my needs.

Have a God Filled Day!
Love, L

If You Receive my blogs by email

This is just to let everyone know that if you were receiving my blog posts directly by email, you won't receive them any longer.  Most everyone that was receiving was on face book.  You can sign up to follow if you wish or you can unfollow if you wish.  I just thought this way was simpler.

Look for new posts on all blogs, except for Beagle Downs sometime today.....

Later,
L

A Couple of Thoughts I wanted to Share

First Thought

My Mom was down here this last week and I got to visit and have coffee with her.  I really miss that!  Hopefully in the next year I will be where I can do that on a regular basis.  My Mom, Julia or Jude, as she has been known most of her life, stayed with my daughter Caity.  That is my daughter's nickname.  Her full name is Lauren Brianna Caitlyn Shipley Woods.  She will get upset when she reads this because if i call her Caitlyn, she will tell me that is not her name, but it is because that is what I had put on her birth certificate. 


Okay so I went off on a tangent, but I'm back.  Anyway, we are going to Denton on Christmas Eve to be with my family.  We drew names this year between the adults except for my mom.  That way, we buy for one person, plus our kids, and then of course my mom.  I wasn't sure I like the idea at first, but it works good and thank God because we cannot afford to buy gifts for everyone nor do I have time to make gifts for everyone, although I am trying, and I don't have to feel guilty for not being able to get family gifts. 

I'm have been married for almost five years and I'm not sure what the Christmas present program is at my in laws.  We have been trying to buy for my Mother in law and Step Father in law, and then we were buying for his siblings, and his kids.  That was not possible last year, nor will it be this year.  Parents are bought for no matter what because without them, there would be no us.  So I am trying to decide what to get our parents.  I have a few thought, but have not fully decided.   I still have a couple of weeks, right????

Second Thought

My favorite things in life are animals, writing, and teaching.  My goal for this coming year is to do all of that and I think it is definitely foreseeable.  My sister, Ann or Julia, or I use to call her Sissy, but she made me stop after I started to school, is about to see her dream come true.  You can read about it at http://www.rememberwhenranch.com/.  She has a place for Norman and I if we want it.  I do without a doubt.  We will have a house of our own, and work if we want it.  I know this is a good step for us.  We will have to move to Gunter, Texas, but I will be close to my Mom, and a lot closer to my daughter and son in law who are moving to Keller or that general area.   Although my husband has said he will move, I feel like he is holding back.  We love each other and I just want us to be happy, not stressed over money or work.  He can work on the ranch there or he can continue to do siding if he wants.  But it would be a place where we don't have to worry about paying rent, or utilities or buying groceries or having gas money.  I have been praying for God to show us the direction we need to go, and I think this is it.  Now I need to pray that He will show my husband as well.  God Bless you all

Life is Good; God is Awesome

This is the first time in days that I have actually felt like blogging.  Life sometimes seems so overwhelming, but if we will let Him, God will see us through everything. 

We all have talents that we are given by God. It may takes us a while to figure them out, but they are there, and mine even though nothing big has happened is writing. 

I've been writing as a free lancer for over a year now and I love it, but it is not always easy to do.  Subjects that I don't have a lot of knowledge on, are difficult to write about, even when you research your subject.  The pay is another thing!  You can pour your heart into an article but it may only pay $1.00 to 2.00 for 500 words or more.  Now I'm not saying that is bad, but to make a $100.00 a week at it, really takes time and devotion and sometimes more than eight hours a day.  So if you are willing to sacrifice the time, and you get really good, your pay will go up, but it may take a while. 

The other thing is this, what you write never appears in your name.  I'm really okay with that for the most part, but sometimes the articles I write hit close to home and I would love to receive the acknowledgement that I wrote that, especially when I know it is an excellent article. 

Inspiration comes from all kinds of things and places.  Some times it is a memory of something bad that has happened in your life, something good that has happened or it could be a quote you hear or a movie you see or a song from the radio.  That is what happened to me in this last week!  The inspiration for a book came from a movie I saw about an ordinary person and something very ordinary in that person's life. 

So this week I'm using that inspiration and looking at how I can get it done.  I'm not giving out any information on what the inspiration said to do, but I know it was definitely a sign from God and I want to do everything possible, using my talent, to make it a reality and not just an inspiration.

Search for your talent.  Look for inspiration and then put your talent to use for God.  My journey has been long and it is no way near complete. 

May you all have a God Filled day.

Corrupted

I have never been a pro football fan. I never ever watched it on TV unless it was the only TV in the house and that was what was on, and I had no say in the matter. One of the things that I love about my husband is that he is not a “big” sports fan. However, I think I want a definition of what exactly a “big” sports fan is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are a few things that are sports events that I like to watch. For example, bull riding, barrel racing and bronc riding are extremely exciting to me, as is Hockey. But when it comes to baseball, basketball, golf or tennis, none of those including football ever held my interest.

I’ve been married for almost 4 years now. I have never followed football and for the most part I could not tell you the quarterbacks name on any football team. However, I’m not really sure how this has happened, but I can now tell you more about football than I really want to know. I mean, Drees is the quarterback for the Saints, Favre for the Vikings, Romo for the Cowboys, Payton Manning for the Colts, and I’m sure I know more, but that is enough. My friends would probably laugh and probably will when they read this post. So what happened to me?
I married a man you channel surfs and watches two or three football games at a time. He has even got me watching basketball. I really find this humorous… I didn’t know a 1st down from any other play, and now I actually get excited to see if they are going to make 1st down or in some cases 4th and inches….

After the Saints played the Vikings yesterday, he asked me if my team won. My team? I don’t have a team, or do I? I’m sure there are other women out there that this has happened to in the past and will be others that it will happen to in the future… but I never thought it would happen to me.

What Inspires me?

There are many things that inspire me as well as many people. My mother has always inspired me to follow my dreams. My sisters say that writing is my gift. My husband has encouraged me and has inspired me to keep writing stories and on all of my blogs. My husband, mother and my sisters, I think all read my blogs. I have four that I maintain and it is those times when I can step back and really think, escape or share my beliefs, hopes, dreams and my imagination. However, there are many other things that inspire me. Things like hearing someone say something funny, sad or profound. Seeing the break of day, a night sky full of stars, the birth of a puppy, or a newborns cry, these things inspire me as well. Snowing falling, rain an sun streaming through threes these are all God's handy work and are inspiring. Most of the time my inspiration comes from the way I feel about a person, a particular situation or something that has happened in my life. It sometimes comes from the need to know that my writing my possibly help some one else over come a hurdle in their life. My dreams have inspired me for years as well as the goals I set for myself. There have been times in the last year that I felt I should give up, and I recently wrote about it. A very good friend told me not to give up, to be strong. So that is what I'm doing while I wait for my next inspiration. May God Bless you all. L

Dreams.... To Follow or Give Up

Some times it seems that I'm being given signs to keep believing that one day I'll have my dream, and then there are days when I think it is useless and just to give up. How do you know when it is time to let it go?? Is it a feeling? Are there definite signs??? Do I keep pushing? I'm not sure any more. I'm 47 years old and I think it is time that I redefine what is important to me. I love animals but I know that my husband does not share my enthusiasm for them. I love writing, but in the last few months I've had signs that maybe it is not to be... I finished my book Scattered Thoughts and I really would like to publish it. Even if I self-published it would be a goal that I accomplished this year. However, I know there are some things that would hurt people if I published it, and that is not something I want to do. Even though there are no names, of people directly it would make hard feelings and there are already enough of those I feel like some times. I don't know how many times in the last few months that I've been told I need to let go of the anger, and the funny thing is I'm not angry. I've been told I'm bitter. I don't see it... I've been told I'm depressed.. maybe. I've lost a lot of good friends since I quit corporate America. I don't have any close friends and I was even told that was because I push people away. Maybe? So when do you know to call it quits? When do you decide it is time to let those things go, and just try to make it in the world? Maybe it is time to go some place new and start over? Maybe I am a bitter angry person and that is why I can't see the things I need to see. I guess I'm just questioning things. I'm having a hard time staying focused on the present, because the future is so unsure. I just don't know....

The End of the Week

Wow, it has been one of those weeks where I seemed to be at a dead run, but had nothing really to do. I finished a baby blanket, found the hot pad boards to return to my sister, worked on my bible study, came up with a new name for a new blog, and nursed my dog back to health. Other than that it was just normal household chores like cleaning, laundry, and budgeting for bills, oh and my daughter broke her hand. Go figure! So why do I feel like something was missing? If you read my blogs, I just wrote a conversation with God. I have those a lot, more now than I use to, and much deeper than they use to be. We are going to church again. Everyone is really nice, you can feel the love in the church, and everyone makes sure to speak and say hi, and no one said, "you have my seat." We know several people that already go there, and that makes it nice. We can walk across the street and we are there. We are going again tomorrow. I'm glad. I wasn't sure if we would or not. I'm not sure what next week will be like. I love working with my husband and brother in law, but sometimes it is difficult, especially if there are no facilities for potty breaks. I want my website to work. I want to write and be able to make a living, and not just a living to get us by or to pay the bills, but to be a legitimate income. I'm not looking for fame or to get rich. I just want to do more than survive. I don't want to have to worry about the weather effecting work, or the time of year when it is slow for general contracting, and I don't want my husband to have to work until he is 80. I know God will show us what we need to do, so in the meantime, please check out my website: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com, and my other blogs: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com, and http://beagledowns.blogspot.com, and there will soon be a new one, the name will be announced soon. May God Bless you all this week. Love, L

Three Things Today

First, I'm going to be starting a new blog that I will strictly use for the writing of stories and sharing excerpts from Novels I have written. I hope you will tune in, and I will make the name announcement as soon as I come up with one. The frequency on that blog will not be as often as I write on the others.

Two, It is no secret or shouldn't be that I did drugs when my daughter was small. I snorted speed for about a month. The one feeling that is still very strong from that episode of my life, is feeling my pulse race and the blood move through my veins. There is no way to describe that feeling to another person, unless they, themselves have experienced it. Anyway, last night during dinner, I began experiencing that feeling. It makes me very nauseous now, and I'm not sure what caused it. We were eating frozen pizzas that we just bought about a week ago, so I don't think it was food poisoning. It took puking to and an aspirin to make it go away, and I had to lay down. I hate that!

Third thought or thing for the day. I haven't had a drink since June. I know that has only been about 4 months, but it has been more difficult than I thought. I didn't drink that often or so I thought, but for the last week, I have wanted to buy a six pack of Jack's Hard colas and drink everyone. I'm still drink free, but temptation has been awful and it doesn't make it any easier now that they sell it here in town at both the grocery stores and the convenience store.

Have a great Friday! and a Happy Halloween, Or Harvest Festival. May God Bless you all.

Blog Makeover

Hi everyone! I've done an extreme blog makeover today. Please go check it out and tell me what you think of the new look.

May God Bless you all today!

L

My Blogs

I published a blog late last night entitled "Choices". Just for the record it was not aimed at any one person in particular. It was not specific. There are a lot of times we have to make choices in this life and those choices are some times forced upon us by others. So here is an apology to anyone I may have hurt. Again, my blogs are my opinions and I write what I feel. May God continue to bless your lives...

Thursday, October 15 - Life Update

Okay so we are tired of the rain. One and half days of sunshine out of 14, 1 cloudy day... Not a great way to start off October. We are almost finished with the job in Canton. Hopefully we will have it finished by tomorrow. My website is under construction and I have found some wonderful Christian sites that allow you to be an affiliate and advertise the items they have to sale. It's commission, but I think I found a couple of really good sites that offer wonderful things. One of the biggest updates is that I have decided not to go with the literary agency that I have been talking and interacting with. It just doesn't' feel right. So I'm back to finding a publisher. However, I think, once my friend Amber is through with the edits, I'm just going to post it on my website for sale as an ebook. Okay that's it for the day or for right now. I'm up way earlier than I need to be... but need to work on website and stuff before my physical job.. Maybe this is why I'm so tired... May God Bless you all!

Announcement - My Website

Hello everyone, I hope God has smiled on each and everyone of you today. Remember all your friends and family in prayer and to thank God for all He has blessed you with in life. I just wanted to take a moment and share with you that I have a website. It took me a while to come up with the title, but here it is: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com. It is not completely set up the way I want yet, but I hope to have that completed by the end of the week. Please go check it out. May God bless each and everyone of you! L

Which Direction Am I going?

This past week has proved to be different. Sometimes I feel like I'm just kind of floating around like a helium balloon, no real direction, just holding on by a string. I turned in my uniforms on Tuesday, did some writing for a lady, worked on a church directory for Lone Oak Assembly of God, and registered my domain name for my website. I hope to set that up this week. I've looked to see if we can find some kind of house or trailer to rent and have been unsuccessful. I don't want to go get another job outside the house until we figure out where we are going to live. I know God will send us the direction we need to go. I know that we will be able to catch up when Norman finishes the current job and maybe that is where our deposit and first months rent will come from too. I just some times wish God would let us in on His plans. Hope everyone has a blessed week and that you get the answers to your prayers or maybe the answers to your unanswered prayers. Praying that God heals everyone that is ill or sick, and that He grants or gives you all the blessings you are looking for. Thank you God for all you do in our lives and all the blessings you have bestowed upon our family. In Jesus Christ name, Amen. L

Prayer

Prayer is not that hard but sometimes I find it very difficult. There is no wrong way to pray. God created us and we are His children and just like any other parent we should be able to talk to Him about anything. But I guess, just like with any parent some things are difficult to broach in a conversation. I know my path is changing, and I know God is the one steering it in the direction it needs to go. However, I feel that I am flailing in the wind, unsure of my destination or destiny.

2 Chronicles 6:40Now, my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and let Your ears be attentive to the prayer made in this place.

Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Today, these two verses stood out among many others. I have not been writing in my prayer journal lately due to busy schedules. It is wrong to let my schedule get in the way of my conversations with God. Prayer should be the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning hours. I am trying to redirect my life and this will be my first step back to God. Please read my blog: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com It will be my step by step progress of the direction I want my life to go. May God Bless you all, L.

How Do You Live In The Present Without Worrying About the Future

Does anyone have the answer to the above question? I no longer worry about the past. It doesn't matter and I can't change it now. I've made people mad, ticked them off, and ruined friendships because I speak my mind. Which is not a bad thing to speak your mind, but I guess you have to learn to do so tactfully, and I've been told many times, I lack that skill. But seriously, how do you live in the present and not worry or think about the future and how the decisions you make today are going to affect your future? I've been pondering this a lot lately. I sometimes visit a really dark place when I do, but I'm fighting to stay away from there. I know that I am not alone, and that God is here with me and is protecting me, and guiding me...but I crave His attention. I want as my sister says, "A burning bush" to tell me what I should be doing.... God Please just help me with the decisions that have to be made and what and where I should be.. L

Announcement New Blog Created 6/12/09

Hi there everyone, I created a new blog today. Please go make a visit to the blog. It is http://beagledowns.blogspot.com Leave a comment on what you think. Also go check out my sister's website www.rememberwhenranch.com and my niece's webpage www.randmministries.info. If you feel strongly about what they are doing, make a donation. It is tax deductible. Later gators! L

Strangeness of Life

Strangeness of Life


It is strange how you can get one phone call and it can change your life forever. The ripple effect is truly amazing. You change the way you think, they way you look at things and some times the way you act. The changes that happen can stem from fear, love, excitement or any number of other emotions or feelings.

You never forget those phone calls. You remember those for the rest of your life, no matter how long or how short. You remember the emotions that went through your body, the thoughts that went through your mind and everything in between.

You may walk around in a daze for what seems like days or weeks but are only minutes. It is truly amazing how your body and mind interact and no words need to be said or thought, it just happens. You move in slow motion but aren’t really. You almost have tunnel vision and no matter how fast you try to get to where you need to be, it seems like you drive for hours and you’ve only traveled a few minutes or a few miles.

Everyone has probably been there at some point in your life. Maybe you were waiting for a call to say a baby has been born or that your daughter has called and said “I’m in labor. Meet us at the hospital.” Or it could be a call from a family member saying that the loved one that has been sick or ill has finally made the last journey and is home with our Savior. We all wait for phone calls or messages at some point in our life. Unfortunately it is not always good news or something that you really want to hear.

I’ve recently experienced that heart wrenching moment for a second heart stopping time in my life and it seems that your life is never going to go back to what it was and maybe that is the way it is suppose to be. May be that is your wake up call from God, and He is telling you it is time to stop, listen and follow your faith in Him. Maybe it is God telling you that if things don’t change and you don’t start paying attention to Him, there is nothing He can do.

I’m sure that we will all go through trials and tribulations in our life, and each one either causes us to fold in on ourselves or they make us stronger and teach us to lean on God for His strength and to lean on each other when we need help. It is one of the most helpless feelings you can have though and you just want it to go away.

Sometimes when these moments in life happen, you think you are having a dream and you just want to wake up and know that is what it really was, just a dream or maybe a nightmare, but then reality sinks in and you know that the situation is not going away.

You have to learn to depend on God not only in those times but every day in our lives. We need to turn to him instead of our drug of choice or alcoholic beverage of choice to escape the emotion of the moment. Believe me there have been times recently that I would have rather snorted myself in to another world, or drank myself into unconsciousness, but that isn’t me any longer. I have to remember and so should we all, that we are not super humans. We have to have others to help us along the way and more than anything else in life, we have to have God. We have to learn to trust in what His word tells us and we have to believe by faith not by sight.

Its like jumping off the side of the pool for the first time into your parent’s arms, you have trust that He will catch you no matter what, where, why or when. God is our safety net and even though we will still have to face those times in our lives when everything gets flipped upside down, wrong side out, we have to trust that He will always be there to catch us and not let us drown. You can’t however just sit there and think that God will solve your problems, if you don’t ask for His help, how is He going to know what you need.

Prayer is one of the best things around and you don’t have to be a deacon or a minister or whatever to pray to God. God hears us even when we think He isn’t listening. You can talk to God just like you talk to your best friend. There is no right way or wrong way to pray. God knows when we speak from our hearts and that is how we should pray, from our hearts.

Take the time to look at the life around you, God is every where we look. How an atheist can look around and say there is no God, just blows my mind. Make a phone call to God. You don’t have to say much, just speak from your heart. God will hear you and He will answer you, just remember it is in His time, not ours.

Need Book Publisher

Hi there, If there is anyone who knows a book publisher that is currently seeking new work, please add a comment. I have 3 romance novels and I'm also finished with a work dealing with life's rollercoaster of emotions. It is called Scattered Thoughts. So give us a shout and let us know if you know anyone. I've been writing since I was about 14 and have 3 completed books, 6 in various stages, and a few poems. I love writing! It is my escape from all the depressing news in the world.