So Many Thoughts, Not Enough Space or Time

Okay so I could sleep late this morning and I woke up before four am.  I finally got up at five something and pushed the button on the coffee pot.  Why?  Who knows why I woke up so early, but I dreamed a lot last night.  Some of my dream had to do with renewing our vows, but the hymn Tenderly and Softly ( I think that is correct) kept running through my mind.  Of course I am always thinking about how I can increase my income from writing, and I'm not talking about writing content.  I can do that and I'm okay with that, but I have an extremely hard time writing about things I have no interest in or care about.  So I know that just writing content is never going to be enough income.  I love writing stories, books, poems (although I'm not as good at poems) and just little articles or pages dealing with life.  I have writing posted on the website called triond and you make money off of it for people viewing or reading or whatever you want to call it.  I've received a notice today that I made a whole .51 cents on the site this last month.  Okay I know you are laughing, but here's the thing, I've not posted anything new on that site probably in months.  So to make money when I haven't added anything new, means something to me.  I also have articles and stories on http://www.helium.com/ and I have two or three dollars accumulated on that site as well, but you can't get paid from that one unless you have 25.00 or more. 

On Monday of this week, I made a list of things that I wanted to work on this week, and I kind of starting working towards my goal of losing 35 pounds.  By the way, I've lost 4 pounds since the 27th of December, and I'm not really trying, just increasing protein, water intake and the amount I eat, and how often I eat.  Anyway, the list I compiled looked like this:

Triond
Helium
Blogs
Budget - completed, but needs to be changed a little
Math
Caity's Blanket
journal
devotional
Food log
telephone service - completed
vacuum cleaner belts - borrowed my niece's instead
Grant gopher
Vince's stuff - I've tried and I don't think I can accomplish this one.

Things I've done that weren't on that list are as follows:
made dog treats
cleaned the house
did laundry
exercised
new cell phones activated

Today is Thursday and the chances that I will get anything else done on the original list is very slim.  I did start a journal entry this morning and I did make a list of items we still need to pay by the end of January, and that one is in God's hands.  There is a recovery meeting tonight and I'm going to try to go, but... we will just leave it at that.  (Ugh I need to take something out of the freezer for dinner)

I know that God never leaves us and we just have to trust in Him completely.  That was my one and only resolution for the year, To Trust In God and Step out in Faith.  So here it is God.  I know you can sort through it and show me where and how, when, and why, and what. 

May you all have a God Filled and Blessed Day!

My Thoughts after Christmas!

A Family Christmas

We had a wonderful couple of days of Christmas celebrating.  We spent Christmas Eve in Denton with my mom and it was perfect!  There was about 21 of us.  We had a good time, and even though it was raining and cold, we stayed dry and warm.  There was lots of love in the room.  (Found out today that there will be a new baby in this family next year)


We spent Christmas day at my mother in laws and a good time was had by all I think.  I think the final count was some where around 54 1/3 (there should be a new baby in this family next Christmas, too), but not everyone was there. 


There was plenty of food at both places and life was good.  We were the first ones to my mother in laws, and the second or third to arrive at my mom's.  My niece Misty, was there for the day from the halfway house where she is finishing up her rehab.  I am so very proud of her.  She is turning her life around and is serious about not messing up.  I love her a bunch. 

Thoughts of the Future

Norman and I have been praying about what direction God wants us to go and what we need to do.  We have talked of moving to Gunter, TX and living and working on the ranch there with my family, sisters and mom to be specific.  We are still waiting for confirmation of that, and as I've been praying today and reading different things that have come by way of email and blogs that I follow, I'm not sure that is going to be right for us.  Although it would help in lots of ways, just not feeling a 100% about it.  I know that all will be revealed when the time comes. 


What else does the future hold?  No one really knows.  We are not promised our next breath, so how can we really know what God has in store.  We know only that He will never forsake us and that He is always with us, even when we are places that we shouldn't be. But that is a post for my other blog.  


My dreams of dogs and being a published writer, well I don't know if this is the year or not.  Have I given up on those dreams, definitely not, but just waiting for the right sign that I need to pursue one or the other or both.  My teaching degree?  Well I'm still working on that as well. 


Is there anything that I know for sure will happen this next year, yes, I will continue to strive to be the best Christian I can be, finish my recovery steps, study, go to school, and do my best as a mother and a wife.  Is there anything else I want to happen?  Well yes, I would like to find a better place to live, but if it takes a while, I will survive. 


May you all have a great week!  God Bless!

Only Four More days!

We are spending Christmas Eve in Denton with my family and I am so excited!!!  I'm making cookies today for the kids and some of the grownups and I'm finishing up Christmas presents for my husband's side of the family.  I'm trying to make cookies for the kids there too, but don't know if I have enough time with the size of the family on the Farnsworth side, but I am going to do my best.

I haven't been excited about Christmas in about four years.  The stress always gets to me because I can't seem to get everything done that I need to do and I'm so tired by the time it is over, I just pass out....

On December 31st this year, it will have been one year since I've had any kind of alcoholic beverage to drink and I think that is something to be proud of...  It is not that I am an alcoholic, but there were times when I didn't think I could relax without something alcoholic.  However, I made a promise to my husband that when we got married I would quit.  It has taken me a while, but I am there. 

Anyway, back to Christmas Eve... my niece went through rehab this year and has been transferred to a half way house and I will get to see her on Christmas Eve for the first time in about nine months.  She has finally gotten her life straightened out and I'm so very proud of her!!!  She can only visit from seven am to seven pm on Christmas Eve, and I want to get there sometime between ten and twelve so that I can spend some time with her.  I love her very much!!

Anyway, I know we will be a little sad this year too, because this is the first Christmas without my dad.  However we have lots of memories and things from the years that will make us laugh and smile. 

Hey Mom do you remember the year we dropped the ham or was it a turkey taking it out of the oven????  We laughed for hours!  Anyway, I know we will have a good time, and next year we won't have to travel at all on Christmas Eve.  We will all be together.  I can't wait!  I told my husband this morning that next year we are taking the week of Christmas off!!!!

God Bless you all and Remember that Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!  Happy New Year!

Love, L

What A Good Weekend!!!

Okay so when I came home from work on Friday I was extremely tired!  It seems I constantly run just trying to get things made, sold, written and cleaned just to make a few dollars.  I didn't write any on Friday, mostly because I was tired, but also because it is hard to write when I can't concentrate, and my concentration on Friday was definitely gone. 

As we prepared to go to bed on Friday night, I looked at my husband and said, "I need you to be totally honest with me."  He looked at me and I asked, "Do you want to move or not?"  He said, "Yes that is okay, we can move up that direction."  Not his exact words, but close.  I felt much better as we went to bed.

Saturday as we sat at the computers, he was reading his newspapers, while I answered emails, and caught up the check book, went through bills and then I decided to check out real estate in the general areas surrounding Keller.  My greatest fear is that it is too populated and not enough open spaces that I will like it, but I quickly saw that there are plenty of areas around that are out in the open and has some land with some of the houses.  I don't want to live so close to someone that I can open my door, spit and hit the neighbor's house.  That is not for me, or my husband. 

So a realtor contacted me through Face Book and supplied his website, and the list of cities that he covers.  I did a search using his website and found a few places of interest.  However, I used realtor.com and found lots more in some areas around Keller.  We looked in Rhome, Azle, Haslet, Newark, Ponder, Aubrey(half between Keller and Denton), Boyd, and a few others.  We found several things that really interested us. 

So what is our next step?  Well I am continuing to look for a job in that general area.  I'm going to widen my search, and my interests on Monster.com, but I know all will be okay.  I have been praying for God to give us direction, and I know He is talking to my heart.  Am I afraid?  Yes, but not of moving or starting over.  My greatest fear is that God will call me to do something, and my husband is not going to be ready.  However, even in that, I know that God will prepare us both for whatever He has in store for us. 

Church was awesome yesterday.  My husband is in the Christmas program and he had choir practice yesterday afternoon.  While he was gone, the dogs and I listened to the sound track of Elf, and I made 68 dog treats, Honey and Oats.  The dogs were very ready for them last night.

Have a God filled and blessed day!
Love, L

The Future

We cannot predict the future, and the choices we make in life shape our destiny.  God however is in control of our lives, if you are a child of God that is....  I have been praying for Him to show us which direction to take and what we need to do.  I don't know if this is a sign from God or not, but here is what has happened. My daughter and son in law will be moving after the first of the year to the general area of Keller, Texas.  That is a good 2.5 to 3 hours away.  I don't want to be that far from my daughter, so I have started looking for jobs in that area. 

Yesterday, I came across a website with employment opportunities and they are headquartered in Southlake.  That is not very far from Keller and a heck of a lot closer to Denton than I currently am, and that is where my family is at this time.  With the prospect of grand babies in the next year or so, I've decided to apply for the job.  I told my husband last night, and he said okay.  We have been talking lately about both of us finding jobs that are regular and where they are not contingent on good weather and sunshine.  He has stated once of twice about going back to work in the grocery business.  I told him to do whatever makes him happy and not to worry about anything else.  It is time we thought of ourselves and what will make us happy in the long run. 

We would be leaving behind other family, friends from church and lots of memories, but we would be gaining a new outlook and chance at a life together and not having to worry all the time about money or asking for help from family, who is always there when I need them.  (Thanks Raven and Caity)  Love you both! 

However time will tell with everything, and if that is not the direction I'm sure God will give us a sign. 
Hope you all have a God Filled, and Blessed Day!  Please pray for my job opportunity.  It is something I could be happy with for a long time, and it will give me a chance to complete my schooling as well.  Love, L.

Timeless Tuesday

Today has been one of the longest days I have experienced in a while.  I miss the kids at school and this afternoon I walked over to see who was there. Only three there Emily, Jara and Laily.  Laily's mom Tracy, and Ms. Melissa.  I wish I hadn't resigned, but it was for the better.  The school doesn't have to worry about paying 4 teachers when there really wasn't enough three year old students for two classes. 

Changing the subject, Remember the song by Cyndi Lauper called Just another manic Monday!!!! That was yesterday.  I know that this time of year is very slow for my husband's work, but I don't quite remember it being this slow last year.  We are better off bill wise, because we have paid my car off, but when you look at everything in the long run, I still need to find work.  I don't want to move... but it may come to that.  We both need jobs that are steady at least for awhile. 

Anyway, it is in God's hands right now.  I've been job surfing all day practically, so much so I have a stress headache.  On a different note, we are going to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year....  I can't wait to play games and laugh and have a good time.  Almost everyone will be there except for my niece Misty, but she is being transferred to the half house from rehab.  I am so proud of her!  And my nephew John.  They are finally turning their lives around. 

I am thinking about maybe offering to babysit or watch a couple of kids after school to see if i get any takers.  It wouldn't be much income but it would be some and with cleaning at the church it will help until I can find something full time.  I'm not even sure what kind of job I want.  I just want to be able to go to school and get my degree.  Maybe I can find something at a childcare facility or something like that to help.  Anyway, I guess that is where we are right now.  If we move, I would definitely want to go the direction that my daughter and son in law are going.  I'm not sure how that will effect my husband's work.  We have to go where there is work.  I  am tired of worrying and not knowing what is going to happen.  Yes i know about giving it to God, but let's face it, that is a whole lot easier said than done.  I pray and talk to God all the time.  He answers my prayers and I know i just have to have faith and trust in the Lord, and i do try to do that everyday, but Monday was my day for a nervous breakdown.  And I had it.

My daughter is a great prayer warrior and we prayed together and all is turning out okay, not great but okay and it will get better.  I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and that you all are blessed greatly by God in all that you seek.  Have a God Filled Day!

Renewing Our Vows

We have only been married 4 years, but our 5th wedding anniversary is March 31st, 2011.  Our lives have changed a lot during the last few years and we are going to renew our vows.  We have reserved the church for as close to our anniversary as possible, so the date is currently set for March 26th, 2011.  Our first ceremony was a western motif.  I didn't wear a wedding dress because I couldn't see spending an enormous amount of money for a dress I was going to wear once. I thought about wearing one this time, and I even tried my daughters on today, but think, I'm just going to buy a nice formal dress or outfit and have my husband wear a very nice suit.  I'm not going do a lot of decorating in the church but the other thing is we had the reception at the church and so there was no dancing when we got married.  I'm kind of thinking that I want some music and dancing this time. 

However, I'm not sure how or what else I want the ceremony to be.  I've been reading a lot of information from the Internet about writing our vows, having the same witnesses to stand up with us, etc...  I don't know that I need that much of a formal ceremony.  I want everyone to be invited from the church, that wants to attend.  There won't be any liquor because neither of us drink and we are Christians, and I don't think Christians should drink, even if it is only a glass of wine here or there. 

I guess what I'm getting at is does anyone have any suggestions.  I want it to be a family and friends affair, with music, fun, a cake, punch, coffee, soft drinks and tea and maybe some finger foods.  As for as the dancing part, we will have to rent either the Rose Community Center (not sure that is the right name) or a building on the fair grounds, because there is nothing bigger in town that would allow for dancing, and I don't want to have to drive anywhere else.   

If anyone has renewed their wedding vows, I'm looking for some ideas.  All help is appreciated.  Hope everyone has a God Filled day, and a blessed week.  Love, L.

Amazed

Sometimes I look at my life and I'm amazed and what it turned out like.... I have a wonderful husband, a super daughter, wonderful step children, and a family both by blood and by marriage that I love.  As we are growing up, we all have dreams of getting married, having a family, a house, and much, much more but as young girls and boys, you don't really understand what all that encompasses.  You don't think about the in laws that you get when you get married, or the additional sisters and brothers or if you marry someone that was or has been married before, you get step-children, and in some cases, step-grandchildren. 

Although my relationship with my step children is not anything like I had hoped, I am hoping that God will help us to heal the hurts and have a better relationship this year and the years to come.  My husband and I would both like to be a part of their lives.  I've been praying for healing in those relationships and maybe, hoping it will happen soon only God knows. 

Sometimes, it is very hard stepping in to a family where children are grown and have lives of their own.  For me, it was my first marriage and I guess I really expected more, and it didn't quite turn out that way, probably my fault but I am willing to fix the issues.  Some times our imaginations take over and then when things don't happen quite like we think, we get a little disappointed and I think that applies to both my husband and myself.

I know that God will help us heal any hurts that we may have caused with family.  I'm hoping that family will allow us to make those amends and have a relationship in the future.  God has done wonderful things in our lives over the last year and half.  I'm looking forward to what He has in store for us in the future, but right now I'm happy living one day at a time, doing His will, in His service, where ever that maybe doing whatever He wants us to do.  Have a God Filled Day!  May you be blessed Abundantly in all things you seek, when you seek His face, His guidance, His will and His wisdom.  Love, L.

My First Day as a School Teacher

Okay so Tuesday, August 31st, was my first day as a preschool teacher and it was awesome!  I had six little three year olds; one boy and 5 girls.  They are all very precious and even though the day was kind of hectic, we did have fun and learn a few things.  The letter of the week is A a, the number for the month is "1", the color of the month is "red" and the shape of the month is "Circle". 

Nap time was from about 1:30/1:40 until 3:00 or whenever the parents make it by to pick up their little people.  I love them all, already and I can't wait for tomorrow.  They each have their own cubbie. 

With there very own water bottle, nap mat, and their name is on there, too!  They can bring their own blanket and pillow too!

We have part of a board on one wall of our room.  On that board we have a poster with names and birthdays of the children, and all the teachers.  We also have a section labeled our class and it has all our first names written. 

There is also a poster with our numbers up to the number "Ten".  Hopefully by the end of the school year they will be able to count to at least 10, but we are hoping that maybe they can even make it to 20.

In the mornings we have what we call our morning songs.  First we say a prayer to start the day, and then we do all our pledges: Pledge of Allegiance, Texas Flag Pledge, Christian Flag Pledge, and the Pledge to the Holy Bible.  We sing about the days of the week, the month and we do alphabet sounds.  On our board we have the month, with all the numbers of the day for the month, and we have a poster that tells them what today is, yesterday was, and what tomorrow will be.

There is also a poster that talks about the season, and the weather for the day.  We also have our shape, color and number for the month on this board.  We do a bible verse for each letter we learn and we do the verse about the fruit of the Spirit. There is a poster for each characteristic.  Here is the verse:  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.  Galatians 5:22-23a. 

One of the highlights of Tuesday was that we had colored noodles, pink and blue, and they got to cut them up and play with them.  Thanks Miss Melissa!.  That afternoon the kids asked if they could play with the worms again!

Someone told me today, that they think this is my calling.  If it is,God will definitely make sure it all works out and I will pursue my teaching certificate. 

May you all be blessed beyond your beliefs, by the one and true living God.

Love, L

To My Daughter

When I asked God 24 years and 14 months ago (you were baking for 9 of those, more like 10) for someone to love me unconditionally, I had no idea that He would bless me with someone like you.  You have taught me to be patient, understanding, and gentle.  You have taught me that no matter what we are always there for each other. 

I love the person you have become.  You are beautiful, intelligent, giving, caring and thoughtful.  You are a daughter, a wife, a granddaughter, a sister and one day soon you too, will be a mother.  I hope for you a daughter just like I received from God.  I love that you walk with God, and that your faith is strong.  I love that you have that joy in your heart that only God can place there. 

Over the years we have played, laughed and probably done some things we shouldn't.  I've enjoyed every minute of every day that we have spent together.  Even though there were times when we were angry, we never left one another.  I know it was probably tough on you growing up with out a dad around all the time, but you had something better.  You had a grandfather that loved you as if you were his.  He was so happy the day I told him and Nanny that I was going to have a baby.  He was all smiles.

I know that I have made mistakes while you were growing up, but we learned together and I want so much for you.  I want you to dream big dreams, laugh as much as possible, love with all your heart and know that above everything else, you were a gift from God. 

Cherish every day as if it were you last.  Never forget to tell people you love them, and never let angry words hurt those you love.  You are and will always be, my baby girl.  Love, Mom.

Spoken Words

There are some words or phrases that if said from the speakers point of view is not bad, for the speaker's self esteem.  However if you are the receiver of such words it can be devastating to your well being and self esteem.  Think about them.  Have you ever said anything that was hurtful?  Have you ever thought about something you said only to realize it is too late to take it back?  It is said that the tongue is sharper than a two-edge sword, and that is very true.

I'm right.  You're wrong.
Smile.  Don't you know how to do anything but frown?
You are rude, crude and abrupt.  Try to be nice.
Why are you so bitter?
Grow up!
You are so negative!  You need an attitude adjustment.
Can't you do anything right?
That was a stupid mistake!
Did you think before you opened your mouth and inserted your foot?
Why can't you be more like your (sister, brother, or whoever)
What is wrong with you?  Are you just stupid?
Stop crying only a baby cries!

We all say things out of anger or in the heat of the moment or in the middle of what might be a crisis to one person.  Sometimes, we don't realize we have just hurt someone by what we said.  It may have all been an innocent remark.(Well maybe not).  Can you be the type of person that goes back and says, "I'm sorry.  I was angry and I didn't mean what I said, or that wasn't exactly what I meant?  I know some people don't like the word, "I'm sorry."  If that is you, then ask to be forgiven, use words that are not objectionable to you.  Although you are suppose to be sincere and mean it from your heart.  "I apologize" always sounded so cold to me, but you can say, "Please forgive" or "Can you forgive me". 

How do you apologize to God when you have done something wrong?  We are to treat each other like we want to be treated.  We are to love each other as Christ loves us.  Are you living that way? 

I hope this posts makes sense.  It has been weighing heavily on my mind since last week.  Mostly because I overheard someone say, "I'm right.  You're wrong."  That always bothers me.  It has taken me a long time to learn to admit when I'm wrong, but no one is right 100% of the time, and there has only been one perfect person to ever walk this earth.  He sits at the right hand of God.  Do you know Him?  Don't wait until it is too late, the alternative is not going to be pleasant.

Never Give Up

I was born in 1962 and as I grew up I never once thought I wouldn’t get married. As a child I had a weight problem, and it never really went away nor has it gone away today. I graduated from high school, and got a job. I went to a vocational school and took a job in Abilene, Texas. It was awesome! I turned 21 years old out there and although, I didn’t weigh any more than I do now, I felt like I was obese. I developed an eating disorder of sorts. It’s not something I’m proud of and I probably should have gotten professional help when I returned home to the Dallas area. I didn’t… and I’m not sure anyone even realized that it was an eating disorder. I mean everyone knew what anorexia was then, but it wasn’t something you talked about and I wasn’t anorexic. I starved myself, but I didn’t make myself throw up, not then anyway. I might have eaten one meal a day but most of the time I drank Coca Cola. I can truthfully say I’m a Coke addict, but it’s legal.

As time went by, I made friends and when we weren’t working, we were out drinking. It was also during this time, that I had female health issues and at one point was pretty much told I would not be able to have a child. Now they didn’t say I couldn’t get pregnant, just that I would not be able to have a child. That is another story in itself. Let’s just suffice it to say that I have a 24 year old daughter and God does work miracles.

Time to fast forward by the time I hit 35, I had been in several relationships, but nothing that felt right but something did happen that changed my life. I was obese by this time. My body fat was over 51%, I weighed in excess of 300 lbs and I couldn’t get in the floor and get up by myself. I made a decision that I have to live with for the rest of my life and that is okay, but it is in danger of being totally messed up. Again, that is another story or another chapter. In 2004, my insurance company agreed to pay for a gastric bypass. I found a hospital and we went through all the preliminary requirements and on October 23, 2003, I got a new stomach and a new beginning. As of today, I’ve lost 140 pounds because of this life changing surgery and I have no regrets. It gave me confidence, and a new attitude and I no longer thought of myself as overweight or ugly. Still I was unable to find the right person to spend the rest of my life with. I joined dating services, met people through friends, but nothing seemed to be right.

By now I’m over the 40 year mark I had pretty much given up hope of meeting the right person, so I thought I had to settle for something less than what I deserve. I met a man 25+ years my senior. We seemed to hit it off and being the trusting person I was, I became involved. I even went as far as to fly to Chino Valley, AZ and bring him and his mother back. Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you just need to turn around and walk away? I should have gotten right back on a plane and flown back to Texas. But what if this was my only chance to be married? Maybe I was just tired and what I was feeling was wrong? Always listen to your gut feeling or intuition or whatever you want to call it. He was a parasite. He did give me an engagement ring on Valentine’s Day in 2005. I promptly gave it back to him and told him to move a week before my birthday. I continued to lose weight from the surgery, but developed a binge purge kind of thing. The first sign of feeling too full and I would make myself go throw up. (This is not a good thing). Okay so let’s skip a little. I joined match.com but couldn’t break not seeing the parasite. I tried everything and then eventually, I told him, that it was killing me and that I couldn’t live sneaking around behind my family to see him. I knew it wasn’t right anyway, but I didn’t want to be alone. Okay so back to match.com. Up until July of 2005, when I was still seeing the parasite, I had gone out on a few dates, nothing serious. The only that happened with anyone serious during this time, was a wonderful man named Wayne, who I happened to be relocating for his company. We had wonderful conversations and had two majorly enjoyable dates. It was not meant to be though.

Okay In July of 2005, I went to Shreveport with a friend gambling one night, and on the way home, I actually had to let her drive. I couldn’t stay awake. It was the next few days that I got sick. I lost 12 pounds in two days, and almost passed out. I continually threw up. I had to go to the emergency room, but no one, not even, my doctor figured out what was wrong. A friend of mine finally suggested that it sounded like Mono. So I asked my doctor to test me and sure enough it was mono. Needless to say, the parasite gave it to me, but swears he didn’t have it. I had to contract it from somewhere. My doctor said that my case was severe enough that it had to be contracted. It took awhile and I actually wound up in the emergency room a second time from dehydration, before I began to bounce back. My membership with match.com was getting close to expiring and I had decided to cancel it at the end of the month. It was November now and winter was approaching and I would be alone during the holidays once again.

What happened next should never have happened. I kept asking God to send me someone. I actually asked him in April of 2001 for a husband and just so you know God does answer prayers but in His time, not ours. So let me get to the rest of the story. On November the 3rd of 2005, I received an email from match.com from a person who went by East Texas Hillbilly; however it came directly to my personal email with EarthLink. You see there is a built in security with email, that if I don’t know the person I have to approve them as an email address. They actually have to send a message to ask to email me. For some strange reason, he got the email from EarthLink and it actually displayed my email address and so he was able to bypass the security. It should never have happened, but I’m glad it did. We started exchanging emails and it was days of constant emails before I would even give him my phone number. He has this wonderful deep voice and all I could do was smile into the phone. I finally agreed to meet him in the afternoon on November 13th at a restaurant called Two Senoritas for coffee or tea or whatever. It’s funny, when I first saw him, I thought or he is not really my type, this will never work, but before our date was over, I was caught. He had already made me feel like the most important person in his world and he was fast becoming the most important person in mine. We seemed to know without a doubt that God had brought us together. The more we talked the more we discovered that we had been playing around in each other’s back yards for years and just didn’t know it.

It just seemed to be right when we were shopping in Wal-Mart one day to buy a set of wedding rings. He hadn’t proposed yet and although we talked about it jokingly, we hadn’t taken that step. We headed home and we stopped at his house to get a few things. This is December 19th 2005. We were all in the house, because my daughter was with us and she and I were playing around with the pool table. She headed towards the bathroom and suddenly, Norman was in front of me on both knees asking me to marry him. I started crying. Why? I mean we had just bought rings, but I hadn’t noticed that he had brought them in with him. My daughter witnessed the whole thing and of course I said yes…. Duh!!! It doesn’t take a sledge hammer for me to realize that God sent him to me.

We were married on March 31st of 2006 and it is hard to believe even today that I am married. God knew when the time was right and sent me the person I needed and sent me to the man who needed me. Yes we have had our problems, mostly because of work related issues and family, but I would never leave him. He was my gift from God and I thank Him every day for my husband.
So I guess my message to all those out there that might read this, never give up hope that God will send the right man to you. He will. It will just be on His time, now yours. Never lose hope or stop dreaming…God Bless.

A Picture is Worth

We have all heard the saying many times that a picture is worth a thousand words, but what about the tone in someone's words.  The tongue it is said is as sharp as a two-edged sword, and I've been told on more than one occassion that I was mean, abrupt and bitter, and it doesn't matter if a person is smiling when they say those things, it still hurts.

Sarcasm is a great defensive mechanism and I used to use it all the time.  The other day some one said, "Who only own the words you speak.  You cannot control the way someone interprets them or takes them."  This is only too true.  In the long run, though, does it really matter.  If you say something totally unintentionally and someone is offended, is it your responsibility to apologize to them?  What if you don't know that you have offend them or hurt their feelings?  All you know is that now they are cold and distant. 

I posted a new profile picture of myself on Facebook.  It is very difficult to smile and take your own picture.  Someone said, "Great pic."  "Next time smile."  Funny thing is, I was smiling.  It wasn't a broad grin it was just a slight uplift at the corners of my mouth.  In the picture I look like I'm 100 years old or so it seems.  Situations in life do take their toll on you and I've been through some difficult things in the last two or three years, and stress has definitely help to age me.  I don't feel as old as I look in the photo, and the saying goes you are only as old as you feel right?

Here's a word of wisdom by the way, just because someone isn't smiling all the time, doesn't mean that they are angry or upset or unhappy.  They might just be in deep thought or facing a difficult decision.  So don't look at them and say smile.  Just smile at them and acknowledge them.  Chances are that they will smile back.
May you be filled with the loving spirit of God!  He is awesome.... Thank you Lord Jesus for everything you do in my life. 

Okay, here's the picture I posted on Facebook...  Actually I share the one I didn't post and the one I posted.

Not posted....  

One on the right, posted...

Corrupted

I have never been a pro football fan. I never ever watched it on TV unless it was the only TV in the house and that was what was on, and I had no say in the matter. One of the things that I love about my husband is that he is not a “big” sports fan. However, I think I want a definition of what exactly a “big” sports fan is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are a few things that are sports events that I like to watch. For example, bull riding, barrel racing and bronc riding are extremely exciting to me, as is Hockey. But when it comes to baseball, basketball, golf or tennis, none of those including football ever held my interest.

I’ve been married for almost 4 years now. I have never followed football and for the most part I could not tell you the quarterbacks name on any football team. However, I’m not really sure how this has happened, but I can now tell you more about football than I really want to know. I mean, Drees is the quarterback for the Saints, Favre for the Vikings, Romo for the Cowboys, Payton Manning for the Colts, and I’m sure I know more, but that is enough. My friends would probably laugh and probably will when they read this post. So what happened to me?
I married a man you channel surfs and watches two or three football games at a time. He has even got me watching basketball. I really find this humorous… I didn’t know a 1st down from any other play, and now I actually get excited to see if they are going to make 1st down or in some cases 4th and inches….

After the Saints played the Vikings yesterday, he asked me if my team won. My team? I don’t have a team, or do I? I’m sure there are other women out there that this has happened to in the past and will be others that it will happen to in the future… but I never thought it would happen to me.

Funny How Things Look in Hindsight

It just seemed that all of 2009 was such a struggle and 2010 is off to a rough start. After I quit my profession of 24 years, I assumed (everyone knows what that means) that I would have no problems making money at home. My pride, would not let me think otherwise. (Pride goeth before the fall). I tried many things and finally accepted failure. I took a job at a local furniture store, making $500 every two weeks, and was angry because I had felt that society, family and friends had let me down. No one was at fault; it was my assumption that was the problem, that and my pride. I was afraid to ask anyone for help. I didn't want anyone to know that there was something I couldn't do. Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't afford to live in my house any longer either. We finally moved in with my daughter after I gave my dogs to new owners. This by far has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I turned back to payer and to God, finally, devastated, frustrated, and miserable, lost and confused. Things became worse before they got better. In May of 2009, my husband blacked out behind the wheel. He is doing fine, but to this day we still don't know why or what happened. But God has brought us through that. I continually pray for guidance. I've been told that the bible says we just have to claim our promises, desires and needs, and God will deliver. I've kept a prayer journal off and on since November of 2008. In January of 2009, I had symptoms of a heart attack and because I felt like I had failed my husband, I went to the emergency room and didn't want my husband called. I had the retarded thought that he didn't really love me and that he didn't care. I was wrong, very wrong. We are each others soul mate. We didn't marry each other for one to take care of the other. We married each other because we fell in love. I prayed to God to help our marriage and to help my husband's faith to be stronger as well as mine. It seems that the more I prayed the more difficult things became, and still are at times. It is said that there isn't anything that God brings you to, that He doesn't bring you through. We have to trust and believe that God will take care of all our needs and see us through. Things for 2010 are going to be better. This year our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I still plan to make a living with my computer. I want my house back and I've prayed for over a year. Today I received a call from someone offering to help. Of course, it comes at a cost, but I know God will take care of that if it is meant to be. We have a new church home and I'm learning to stop and pray when there are issues. I still get tired of waiting and I'm really ready for the trials and tribulations to go away. God will get us through this year. My husband and I know this and we know that we have each other no matter what and that God is always with us. May God Bless you all. L

My Christmas Wish

My Christmas wish is not something that family and friends can necessarily fill. My Christmas wish is not something you can hold in your hand, it doesn't come in a box nor can it be placed under the tree. My Christmas wish is for both my husband and me. My Christmas wish is something only God can fulfill. My faith is strong and I know deep in my heart and soul that God hears my pleas and cries. I know He will answer in His time, but it is hard as the days go by not to be disappointed that my prayers have not been answered. Maybe God is trying to teach us a lesson. I'm not sure. So what is my Christmas wish? It is simple. My wish is that God show my husband and I where He wants us to be and what He wants us to do. My wish is that we do work that glorifies God and not so that we have to worry if we can pay the rent and the utilities and buy a few groceries. My wish is that we can help others prosper from doing that, but prosper not monetarily but spiritually. I know I probably didn't say that right, but hopefully you will know what I mean. I know that God will. My wish is that we can live our lives and not have to worry or stress and that we can be happy, and help others with the life that God has planned. Love, L

Typical Monday

Its a typical Monday morning, chilly, damp and I don't want to work outside today.. But I will if we go. We are close to finishing this job and I really hope we make enough to catch things up and have enough for a little Christmas. If not, I'm sure God will take care of our needs. I miss my family, my friends, and my socializing outside of family with co-workers and clients. I don't miss the clients enough to want to go back to corporate America, but I do miss it.

We made both church services yesterday. I really like the church and the people. I can feel God at work there, and sometimes it is hard not to cry during singing and invitation. I know that is God working in my life. I know God has something wonderful planned for me and Norman. I just wish He would let us know what it is.

Hope you all have a wonderful, God blessed day! Wishing each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas!

Bible Verse: 1 Peter 1:16

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Too Much Thinking

Sometimes I think it is possible to think too much... Lately, I have been losing sleep because it is like my brain never shuts down. Impossible right? Wrong... I hate it when I have so much on my mind that I can't sleep. We all have troubles these days, and yes those keep me awake and worried, but I know that God is taking care of that... but lately, I've been thinking that maybe my life needs to be pointed towards a new direction. I've been telling my husband for a long time, that I would love to be able to try to live off the land, and live "green" instead of trying so hard to keep work coming in, and not having a place of our own. I know to go green, and be financially free, it takes money. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, I would love to have a little farm or ranch, that would produce enough for us to have food, and money, and not have to worry. Is that possible? I'm not sure. Of course, if I could use my writing to help bring in the income that would be cool too. Does my husband share my same wish? He would like to be financially free, and able to work as a general contractor when he wanted too, and not because we have to have the money. Will we ever get there? I'm not sure, but it has made us both stop and re-examine our lives, and think more seriously about what we want our futures to be. Could we sell everything we don't have to have, and get up and walk away from the life we have now? I'm not sure. I would also love to be able to do more with the church. So have I been thinking too much???? Only God knows that, and God also knows what is in our hearts and what we need and what we want. God will take care of everything in His time, and not ours. We love our new church family. Is this the church we are suppose to be part of? God will let us know in time. God Bless each and everyone of you.

My Bucket List

My husband and I recently watched, "The Bucket List", with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The movie is not exactly what I thought it was going to be, but it was a really good movie and it did raise a few questions. Like do you have funeral arrangements made so your loved ones don't have to worry about them? Are you finances in shape so that you don't leave behind debt for your family? And of course, do you have a bucket list? As far as my funeral arrangements, I want a Viking burial.... no grave, no flowers every year and I want a party to celebrate me going home to live with Jesus... Finances, we struggle constantly with that, but are hopefully that with in the next couple of years those will also be under control. Most important on this topic is the bucket list. I can't wait to see responses!!! Share 5 things you want to do before you die... Here are my five..

1. Swim with the sharks around the Great Barrier Reef
2. Go to Kenya or Tanzania on a photo safari shoot.
3. Go Tandem skydiving with my husband..(This is on his bucket list)
4. Fly a helicopter
5. Train one dog to help someone that is hearing impaired.

I could go on and on, but that is five of things I would like to do...

Please share your bucket list. May God Bless you all, Love, L

Here is my Prayer for the day

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.
I pray in Jesus name, Amen.