Just Not Sure

Life is not often how we plan things or how we want things to be.  Our lives are in God's hands and he directs us but we have free will to do or make our choices.  There are always two paths before us.  It is our decision as to which one we take.  I currently have two paths before me and just not sure which way to go.  Neither is a wrong path but they will definitely have two different outcomes.  I'm not sure what I'm ready to sacrifice for them. 

I know that I just need to pray and the path will be shown to me.  I hope everyone has a prayer relationship with God and a daily walk with Him.  Mine is not what it has been and I find it difficult to stay focused these days. 

God Bless,
Love,
L

Teacher and Everything Else

Okay so today was a Teacher's in service day and we were off premises, which is nice, because on the three days I don't teach, I still clean at the church.  Anyway, we went over curriculum, lesson plans, centers, PE, Music, Science, Story Time/Safety Lesson, and Bible Study.  I'm the only one not certified, but I don't have to be at the Day school.  I am hoping that God will use this time to show me if teaching is something I need to pursue or not and if it is, I want to be certified. 

I was so overwhelmed with things.  We are at school from 7:30 to 3:30 on Tuesday and Thursdays.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared... (I know it is 3 year olds...What do I have to be scared of???) Anyway, I will have eight little children that I get to teach how to write their names, count, learn all the pledges, the calendar, the alphabet... and the list goes on.  My husband says this is my practice for being a grandma.  He says I have so much love in my heart that I need to share it with all those little kids. 

I feel kind of like a fish out of water, but I know it will be okay, because God is going to be there every step of the way.  I love that I'm at a school where it's okay to talk about Jesus, God, The bible, and we even pray in the mornings, before snack and before lunch.

Thursday will be getting our rooms set up for the kids.  Monday night is open house, and then the first day of school is August 31st.  Whew Hoo!!!!!!  Tomorrow I get some one on one training and help with my lesson plan.  I'm having a difficult time getting the logistics but I know it will all come together. 

I hope that as a Christian I will be able to impact some of these peoples lives, as a mother and grandmother I get to share my love with the children while teaching them to write and count.  I can't wait!!!!

May you all be truly Blessed by God.  Impact a small person's life if you get the chance.  You may be the difference they need.

Funny How Things Look in Hindsight

It just seemed that all of 2009 was such a struggle and 2010 is off to a rough start. After I quit my profession of 24 years, I assumed (everyone knows what that means) that I would have no problems making money at home. My pride, would not let me think otherwise. (Pride goeth before the fall). I tried many things and finally accepted failure. I took a job at a local furniture store, making $500 every two weeks, and was angry because I had felt that society, family and friends had let me down. No one was at fault; it was my assumption that was the problem, that and my pride. I was afraid to ask anyone for help. I didn't want anyone to know that there was something I couldn't do. Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't afford to live in my house any longer either. We finally moved in with my daughter after I gave my dogs to new owners. This by far has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I turned back to payer and to God, finally, devastated, frustrated, and miserable, lost and confused. Things became worse before they got better. In May of 2009, my husband blacked out behind the wheel. He is doing fine, but to this day we still don't know why or what happened. But God has brought us through that. I continually pray for guidance. I've been told that the bible says we just have to claim our promises, desires and needs, and God will deliver. I've kept a prayer journal off and on since November of 2008. In January of 2009, I had symptoms of a heart attack and because I felt like I had failed my husband, I went to the emergency room and didn't want my husband called. I had the retarded thought that he didn't really love me and that he didn't care. I was wrong, very wrong. We are each others soul mate. We didn't marry each other for one to take care of the other. We married each other because we fell in love. I prayed to God to help our marriage and to help my husband's faith to be stronger as well as mine. It seems that the more I prayed the more difficult things became, and still are at times. It is said that there isn't anything that God brings you to, that He doesn't bring you through. We have to trust and believe that God will take care of all our needs and see us through. Things for 2010 are going to be better. This year our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I still plan to make a living with my computer. I want my house back and I've prayed for over a year. Today I received a call from someone offering to help. Of course, it comes at a cost, but I know God will take care of that if it is meant to be. We have a new church home and I'm learning to stop and pray when there are issues. I still get tired of waiting and I'm really ready for the trials and tribulations to go away. God will get us through this year. My husband and I know this and we know that we have each other no matter what and that God is always with us. May God Bless you all. L

Pray For America

I received the below in an email message and was asked to send it to everyone in my email address book. I thought posting it to the Internet might be better and reach more people. However, please feel free to copy and paste to an email to send out to everyone. May God Bless Us All!

Here is the message:
We are speeding towards one world government and the second coming at a rapid pace. I remember reading about the children of Israel who turned from God time and time again, only to realize their mistake and pray for forgiveness. Each time, God would forgive them and they would walk with him for a time. So, I am going to ask you to join me in praying for our nation every day. God is in control!!! Our president did not encourage participation in the National Day of Prayer. He called it an event. He thinks it should be private prayer instead of Public Prayer. May God Have Mercy On America & Protect Our Troops! In Texarkana last week, there were signs in people's yards that said, "America, Prayer Our Only Hope" with 2 Chron. 7:14 underneath. We certainly need God's help!Our nation is and has been on the slippery slope for a long time. If you look around you will find corruption, greed, moral decay, and a steady move away from the things that made us great. The principles upon which this nation was founded are no longer our backbone. However, we can reverse this trend. 2 Chron. 7:14 in God's word he states, "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." I am convinced that we must pray for our nation and its leaders and ask for forgiveness. So I ask you to join me in this plea to our Lord.Would you please send this to people in your address book (send it to all of them); ask them to pray EVERYDAY... (25 to only the 5th power is 9,765,625 people..) IMAGINE if each person reaches TEN others...or all TWENTY FIVE! If you do and they comply, we will lift up millions and millions of prayers a day to our Creator. He will hear us and in faith will answer.Let me just add a quote from Ronald Reagan. "If we ever forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." I truly believe this is why the United States of America is in the shape we are in today. Most people have forgotten that we are one nation under God! Let us as Christians stand up and remind people of this!!

Here is my Prayer for the day

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.
I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Can't Shake It

Do you ever have days where your brain will just not shut off for a few minutes? I mean even why you are sleeping, your brain continually thinks. Or do you ever have a day, where one single thing takes all the brain capacity you have and will not go away? For some reason today has been one of those days. I woke up in an excellent mood. It was a little chilly, coffee was made and you could smell it all over the house... ahhh it was so good. I'm not sure what triggered the mood change. I'm not sure what made the thoughts enter and why they will not leave. It wasn't just one single thought. It was several. I did my devotionals this morning, prayed just like always. So why is the devil taking over? I prayed for God to send him away. So what are the thoughts that have been plaguing me today? Where am I headed? What am I suppose to do with my life? Will life ever be normal again? Why do things happen just before the holidays? I've asked myself that last question for years. I guess that is why I don't really enjoy the holidays any more. It always seemed that something either happens just before a major holiday or while everyone is together. I love visiting family so what happened in my life to make things change? I can probably answer that question, and all the ones above but it is best sometimes to leave things unsaid, not spoken. May God Bless You all. Love L

October 19, 2009 - Scattered Thoughts

I'm pretty sure I updated everyone that I am not signing with the literary agency that I received the contract with for my book. I have an uneasy feeling and they have yet to respond to my last question. SO with that said, I'm back to looking for a publisher. Anyway, my thoughts are so scattered today, that I'm not sure what is going on.... I didn't feel very good all day yesterday and didn't move far from the bed. Today, I'm so tired I can hardly hold my eyes open and I have to go to Sunnyvale this evening as my cousin passed away on Saturday. I'll probably be by myself as Norman is working in Mabank. I didn't feel good today or I would have been with him. I have kept busy today by adding to my website, www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com with something you can purchase. I make commission on anything that is sold through the links. The Faithwear link is still not functional, but the other two are and I also have some free downloads and some traffic exchanges that you can join to drive traffic to your website. Hope everyone is having a good Monday! May God Bless you all!

Fear and Anger - My constant battle

I made a new discovery this week and I know that only God can help me with my issue. The two emotions fear and angry, plague me on a regular basis. Some of it I'm sure is because of hormonal imbalances in my body, but for the most part, it is just an issue. Fear not so much as anger, but I do find myself in a place I don't like to be. Let me start with my anger issue. It revolves around a person. I've tried to step back out from my hard feelings and re-analyze the issues that I have with this person. I've stopped making remarks because all it does is make me the bad person. If this person comes up in polite conversation between me and other friends, I just nod affirmatively or say "yes." It doesn't however, stop the feeling of angry that rises in me. I've prayed for understanding, wisdom and knowledge on how to help this person, deal with this person and do whatever it is that God needs me to do for this person. I felt God telling me to do something at one point. I did what was asked of me, but it didn't seem to help and I felt I received the brush off from this person. SO I guess all in all I'm just asking for prayer to help me with my anger. I'm not sure that there is a cure for a relationship with this person, I've not given up, but I don't know that things will ever be good, maybe tolerable at best.

Now to my second emotional issue, Fear. I know that fear is caused by Satan, and with fear comes worry. I feel that I have more than hit bottom with this one. It doesn't seem to matter how much support or encouragement I receive, I can't get rid of it. I've bond Satan and prayed in Jesus name for Satan to be banished from my house, my life, and my family. Maybe I'm not doing it right. With this fear comes my ability to strike out and hurt the people I love the most. My husband usually catches most of it, and part of the fear I have is because of his recent accident and the results we have received so far. I don't mean to do that, and once it happens, then I'm even more emotional because of what I have said or done or both. I need God's help. I've asked for it the only way I know how, in prayer, at the bottom of my emotional pit. The pit of fear is very deep. The dirt has not started to fall in on top of me yet, but I feel it is close. I know that Jesus will not let me slip away into nothingness because He is always here and He loves me. Please pray. May God Bless everyone and especially those that read this entry. Help me to overcome. L

Which Direction Am I going?

This past week has proved to be different. Sometimes I feel like I'm just kind of floating around like a helium balloon, no real direction, just holding on by a string. I turned in my uniforms on Tuesday, did some writing for a lady, worked on a church directory for Lone Oak Assembly of God, and registered my domain name for my website. I hope to set that up this week. I've looked to see if we can find some kind of house or trailer to rent and have been unsuccessful. I don't want to go get another job outside the house until we figure out where we are going to live. I know God will send us the direction we need to go. I know that we will be able to catch up when Norman finishes the current job and maybe that is where our deposit and first months rent will come from too. I just some times wish God would let us in on His plans. Hope everyone has a blessed week and that you get the answers to your prayers or maybe the answers to your unanswered prayers. Praying that God heals everyone that is ill or sick, and that He grants or gives you all the blessings you are looking for. Thank you God for all you do in our lives and all the blessings you have bestowed upon our family. In Jesus Christ name, Amen. L

Prayer

Prayer is not that hard but sometimes I find it very difficult. There is no wrong way to pray. God created us and we are His children and just like any other parent we should be able to talk to Him about anything. But I guess, just like with any parent some things are difficult to broach in a conversation. I know my path is changing, and I know God is the one steering it in the direction it needs to go. However, I feel that I am flailing in the wind, unsure of my destination or destiny.

2 Chronicles 6:40Now, my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and let Your ears be attentive to the prayer made in this place.

Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Today, these two verses stood out among many others. I have not been writing in my prayer journal lately due to busy schedules. It is wrong to let my schedule get in the way of my conversations with God. Prayer should be the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning hours. I am trying to redirect my life and this will be my first step back to God. Please read my blog: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com It will be my step by step progress of the direction I want my life to go. May God Bless you all, L.

Tears of????

I strongly dislike those days when I just cry... Those days when it seems that no matter how hard you try, nothing is working out. I have days when I just stop close my eyes and utter some very simple words, "Help me God". I know He is in control and I know we have unanswered prayers and answered prayers and I know that it is always in His time, not ours. I am very thankful for all that God has given to me and my husband and our family. I thank God daily for all those things, but is it wrong to ask and want for more from God? I'm tired of this world and look forward to the day when Christ will come to take us home.

Revelation 21:4And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

The verse above gives me comfort to know that soon there will be no more pain and we will be simplified again. May God Bless each and everyone who reads this blog. With all my heart, L

How Do You Live In The Present Without Worrying About the Future

Does anyone have the answer to the above question? I no longer worry about the past. It doesn't matter and I can't change it now. I've made people mad, ticked them off, and ruined friendships because I speak my mind. Which is not a bad thing to speak your mind, but I guess you have to learn to do so tactfully, and I've been told many times, I lack that skill. But seriously, how do you live in the present and not worry or think about the future and how the decisions you make today are going to affect your future? I've been pondering this a lot lately. I sometimes visit a really dark place when I do, but I'm fighting to stay away from there. I know that I am not alone, and that God is here with me and is protecting me, and guiding me...but I crave His attention. I want as my sister says, "A burning bush" to tell me what I should be doing.... God Please just help me with the decisions that have to be made and what and where I should be.. L

Strangeness of Life

Strangeness of Life


It is strange how you can get one phone call and it can change your life forever. The ripple effect is truly amazing. You change the way you think, they way you look at things and some times the way you act. The changes that happen can stem from fear, love, excitement or any number of other emotions or feelings.

You never forget those phone calls. You remember those for the rest of your life, no matter how long or how short. You remember the emotions that went through your body, the thoughts that went through your mind and everything in between.

You may walk around in a daze for what seems like days or weeks but are only minutes. It is truly amazing how your body and mind interact and no words need to be said or thought, it just happens. You move in slow motion but aren’t really. You almost have tunnel vision and no matter how fast you try to get to where you need to be, it seems like you drive for hours and you’ve only traveled a few minutes or a few miles.

Everyone has probably been there at some point in your life. Maybe you were waiting for a call to say a baby has been born or that your daughter has called and said “I’m in labor. Meet us at the hospital.” Or it could be a call from a family member saying that the loved one that has been sick or ill has finally made the last journey and is home with our Savior. We all wait for phone calls or messages at some point in our life. Unfortunately it is not always good news or something that you really want to hear.

I’ve recently experienced that heart wrenching moment for a second heart stopping time in my life and it seems that your life is never going to go back to what it was and maybe that is the way it is suppose to be. May be that is your wake up call from God, and He is telling you it is time to stop, listen and follow your faith in Him. Maybe it is God telling you that if things don’t change and you don’t start paying attention to Him, there is nothing He can do.

I’m sure that we will all go through trials and tribulations in our life, and each one either causes us to fold in on ourselves or they make us stronger and teach us to lean on God for His strength and to lean on each other when we need help. It is one of the most helpless feelings you can have though and you just want it to go away.

Sometimes when these moments in life happen, you think you are having a dream and you just want to wake up and know that is what it really was, just a dream or maybe a nightmare, but then reality sinks in and you know that the situation is not going away.

You have to learn to depend on God not only in those times but every day in our lives. We need to turn to him instead of our drug of choice or alcoholic beverage of choice to escape the emotion of the moment. Believe me there have been times recently that I would have rather snorted myself in to another world, or drank myself into unconsciousness, but that isn’t me any longer. I have to remember and so should we all, that we are not super humans. We have to have others to help us along the way and more than anything else in life, we have to have God. We have to learn to trust in what His word tells us and we have to believe by faith not by sight.

Its like jumping off the side of the pool for the first time into your parent’s arms, you have trust that He will catch you no matter what, where, why or when. God is our safety net and even though we will still have to face those times in our lives when everything gets flipped upside down, wrong side out, we have to trust that He will always be there to catch us and not let us drown. You can’t however just sit there and think that God will solve your problems, if you don’t ask for His help, how is He going to know what you need.

Prayer is one of the best things around and you don’t have to be a deacon or a minister or whatever to pray to God. God hears us even when we think He isn’t listening. You can talk to God just like you talk to your best friend. There is no right way or wrong way to pray. God knows when we speak from our hearts and that is how we should pray, from our hearts.

Take the time to look at the life around you, God is every where we look. How an atheist can look around and say there is no God, just blows my mind. Make a phone call to God. You don’t have to say much, just speak from your heart. God will hear you and He will answer you, just remember it is in His time, not ours.