My Writings

For the last few days I've been writing articles or thoughts or something anyway and I'm just putting them in a folder.  Some will hurt people, some will make people wonder, and some might make people go away.  I'm not sure.  I'm not sleeping so good these days, too many worries, and yes before you ask, I've handed them to God several times.  It's just that the world keeps putting them back on top instead of at the bottom of the cross.  Oh! Wait!  I guess that is me and not the world, but the world does cause me to pick them back up.  My faith is strong but not strong enough.  So I write and write.  Hoping that one of these days I will get it all out and down on paper and the world will look better from the ink drippings on my page. 

Some times each dot of ink is almost like a tear falling softly down.  Some times it is a raindrop, huge and with force blowing against the pane of my heart.  Some times the dot of ink is the thunder and lightening and I'm enjoying it as it splashes across the page.  My writings allow me to feel and I don't always feel which is one of the things I wrote about today, this morning.  It is easy for me to throw up a wall and block people out of my life, some times forcing those I love to stand back for awhile until I'm ready to feel again.  I'm not sure if that makes me heartless or not.  Some times, I don't feel like I have a heart or that I am truly capable of real feelings.  I some times don't know who I really am deep down.  Who am I as a person?  What am I as a person?  Maybe one day I will discover that and maybe then I can share it with everyone.


L

A Destructive Streak

If you read my blogs, I shared about my eating disorder and some of my trigger foods.  Because of the gastric bypass sugar is a no no, carbonation is suppose to be a no no, drinking through a straw is also one of those things I'm not suppose to do.  Also since the surgery, I have developed a few things that I am allergic to like chocolate, milk, ranch dressing in large quantities, queso, and I have problems with digesting lettuce. 

So there are times when I know what I am eating is going to make me sick.  So why do I do it?  I usually reason it out with this statement, "I haven't had it in a long time and I need it."  It is true to a point.  Sometimes I just want the taste again.  I love salads.  I like to eat cereal.  Yesterday I made brownies and I've eaten them twice. 

I know emotions effect this a lot, so I try to figure out what exactly it is that drives me to do this.  I'm not lonely.  I have a wonderful marriage.  We have financial difficulties, but then who doesn't these days.  I think a big problem I have right now is trying to figure out what, where and when.  Finding a job is stressing the situation as well.  I want to go back to school, but they are requiring pre-algebra and I'm sure it is necessary, but I would like to start working towards my degree as well.  Maybe teaching is not the degree I need to go after?  I just not sure.  So I think really that is the issue.  I want to use the things I love to make a living, but then I think about that in the long run and wonder how long will the world need an animal trainer or dog trainer, and does any one still read books, fiction.? 

I know that I need to start journaling again.  I haven't in almost two months at least not on a consistent basis and maybe that will help me.  I talk to God constantly and know that He is there providing for me and my needs.

Have a God Filled Day!
Love, L

What I meant Was

When i made the post on Monday about if you were receiving my blog by email, what i really meant was that if i send it to you.  I didn't mean those of you who had subscribed.  So just wanted to make that clear. 
In the next few days I'm going to share what I have been reading on the Word of Faith Movement.  I'm announcing that because I know that there are a lot of people who follow the health, wealth prosperity movement.  Please do not read the posts if that is how you believe.  I'm not trying to make anyone mad.  I just want to share what I find out.  A lot of my family follows or believes so I will mark the title to the posts with WOFM in the title, that way no one will be hurt or upset.

Thanks for being a follower of my blog.

Have a blessed day!

If You Receive my blogs by email

This is just to let everyone know that if you were receiving my blog posts directly by email, you won't receive them any longer.  Most everyone that was receiving was on face book.  You can sign up to follow if you wish or you can unfollow if you wish.  I just thought this way was simpler.

Look for new posts on all blogs, except for Beagle Downs sometime today.....

Later,
L

The End of the Week - July 16, 2010 - Friday

I am out of topics to post today, so I thought I would just write about today and how right life is for us.  It is Friday, and I have been up since 5:00am.  Why might you ask?  Well I have quiet time with God in the mornings and it starts as soon as I have a cup of coffee in my hand, dogs have their morning cookies and I get the computer started. 

I journal every day and that is part of my Road to Recovery.  (See my blog:  http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com) for more information on that, however, when I pray, I write as if I'm sending a letter to God.  It is easier for me to have a conversation with Him if I'm writing it. When I first started doing this, it was barely a page, now if I can get everything down in three or four pages, I'm lucky.  Once I finish my journaling, I clean out and answer my emails.  Then if I have time or if I'm not working at the church, I blog or catch up reading those I follow and then I usually visit my Facebook profile. 

Today I worked over at the church and I seemed to have renewed strength today.  It was one of the things I asked God for this morning, because I have not been sleeping and I'm exhausted.  (Again go visit the other blog). 

I had a great conversation with my cousin around lunch time and she is going to call back later I hope.  My husband left somewhere around 8:30 this morning and was on his way to Arlington about 10:45am.  Not sure when he will be home. 

The rest of the day I have spent mowing, cleaning, laundry and was going to mop but alas, I need double A batteries for my wetjet. 

Next Saturday the 24th is my husband's birthday.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do for him yet.  He will be 59.  I thank God everyday that he gave me Norman.  I'm glad I waited to get married and even though we have had some very rough spots and times, we love each other very much and he takes excellent care of me. 

I have supper ready to go once I know he is on his way home, and we received our first two netflix movies today.  We got a free trial and I think it will be good.  We will be able to catch up on some movies.

If you get the chance there is a blog I want to recommend.  The author is a friend and I did some freelance writing for her.  I think I might be old enough to be her mother.  She is the wife of a Southern Baptist Preacher and I love her blog.  She is very honest and open and we share the same beliefs.  She has been a great support over the last year and half.  Take a minute and check out her blog:  http://www.strivingfor31.com/, you will be blessed.

I hope you all have a God Filled weekend, and I hope you are doubly blessed by God this week.

Love,
L

Life is Good; God is Awesome

This is the first time in days that I have actually felt like blogging.  Life sometimes seems so overwhelming, but if we will let Him, God will see us through everything. 

We all have talents that we are given by God. It may takes us a while to figure them out, but they are there, and mine even though nothing big has happened is writing. 

I've been writing as a free lancer for over a year now and I love it, but it is not always easy to do.  Subjects that I don't have a lot of knowledge on, are difficult to write about, even when you research your subject.  The pay is another thing!  You can pour your heart into an article but it may only pay $1.00 to 2.00 for 500 words or more.  Now I'm not saying that is bad, but to make a $100.00 a week at it, really takes time and devotion and sometimes more than eight hours a day.  So if you are willing to sacrifice the time, and you get really good, your pay will go up, but it may take a while. 

The other thing is this, what you write never appears in your name.  I'm really okay with that for the most part, but sometimes the articles I write hit close to home and I would love to receive the acknowledgement that I wrote that, especially when I know it is an excellent article. 

Inspiration comes from all kinds of things and places.  Some times it is a memory of something bad that has happened in your life, something good that has happened or it could be a quote you hear or a movie you see or a song from the radio.  That is what happened to me in this last week!  The inspiration for a book came from a movie I saw about an ordinary person and something very ordinary in that person's life. 

So this week I'm using that inspiration and looking at how I can get it done.  I'm not giving out any information on what the inspiration said to do, but I know it was definitely a sign from God and I want to do everything possible, using my talent, to make it a reality and not just an inspiration.

Search for your talent.  Look for inspiration and then put your talent to use for God.  My journey has been long and it is no way near complete. 

May you all have a God Filled day.

Corrupted

I have never been a pro football fan. I never ever watched it on TV unless it was the only TV in the house and that was what was on, and I had no say in the matter. One of the things that I love about my husband is that he is not a “big” sports fan. However, I think I want a definition of what exactly a “big” sports fan is. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are a few things that are sports events that I like to watch. For example, bull riding, barrel racing and bronc riding are extremely exciting to me, as is Hockey. But when it comes to baseball, basketball, golf or tennis, none of those including football ever held my interest.

I’ve been married for almost 4 years now. I have never followed football and for the most part I could not tell you the quarterbacks name on any football team. However, I’m not really sure how this has happened, but I can now tell you more about football than I really want to know. I mean, Drees is the quarterback for the Saints, Favre for the Vikings, Romo for the Cowboys, Payton Manning for the Colts, and I’m sure I know more, but that is enough. My friends would probably laugh and probably will when they read this post. So what happened to me?
I married a man you channel surfs and watches two or three football games at a time. He has even got me watching basketball. I really find this humorous… I didn’t know a 1st down from any other play, and now I actually get excited to see if they are going to make 1st down or in some cases 4th and inches….

After the Saints played the Vikings yesterday, he asked me if my team won. My team? I don’t have a team, or do I? I’m sure there are other women out there that this has happened to in the past and will be others that it will happen to in the future… but I never thought it would happen to me.

Typical Monday

Its a typical Monday morning, chilly, damp and I don't want to work outside today.. But I will if we go. We are close to finishing this job and I really hope we make enough to catch things up and have enough for a little Christmas. If not, I'm sure God will take care of our needs. I miss my family, my friends, and my socializing outside of family with co-workers and clients. I don't miss the clients enough to want to go back to corporate America, but I do miss it.

We made both church services yesterday. I really like the church and the people. I can feel God at work there, and sometimes it is hard not to cry during singing and invitation. I know that is God working in my life. I know God has something wonderful planned for me and Norman. I just wish He would let us know what it is.

Hope you all have a wonderful, God blessed day! Wishing each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas!

Bible Verse: 1 Peter 1:16

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

What Inspires me?

There are many things that inspire me as well as many people. My mother has always inspired me to follow my dreams. My sisters say that writing is my gift. My husband has encouraged me and has inspired me to keep writing stories and on all of my blogs. My husband, mother and my sisters, I think all read my blogs. I have four that I maintain and it is those times when I can step back and really think, escape or share my beliefs, hopes, dreams and my imagination. However, there are many other things that inspire me. Things like hearing someone say something funny, sad or profound. Seeing the break of day, a night sky full of stars, the birth of a puppy, or a newborns cry, these things inspire me as well. Snowing falling, rain an sun streaming through threes these are all God's handy work and are inspiring. Most of the time my inspiration comes from the way I feel about a person, a particular situation or something that has happened in my life. It sometimes comes from the need to know that my writing my possibly help some one else over come a hurdle in their life. My dreams have inspired me for years as well as the goals I set for myself. There have been times in the last year that I felt I should give up, and I recently wrote about it. A very good friend told me not to give up, to be strong. So that is what I'm doing while I wait for my next inspiration. May God Bless you all. L

Dreams.... To Follow or Give Up

Some times it seems that I'm being given signs to keep believing that one day I'll have my dream, and then there are days when I think it is useless and just to give up. How do you know when it is time to let it go?? Is it a feeling? Are there definite signs??? Do I keep pushing? I'm not sure any more. I'm 47 years old and I think it is time that I redefine what is important to me. I love animals but I know that my husband does not share my enthusiasm for them. I love writing, but in the last few months I've had signs that maybe it is not to be... I finished my book Scattered Thoughts and I really would like to publish it. Even if I self-published it would be a goal that I accomplished this year. However, I know there are some things that would hurt people if I published it, and that is not something I want to do. Even though there are no names, of people directly it would make hard feelings and there are already enough of those I feel like some times. I don't know how many times in the last few months that I've been told I need to let go of the anger, and the funny thing is I'm not angry. I've been told I'm bitter. I don't see it... I've been told I'm depressed.. maybe. I've lost a lot of good friends since I quit corporate America. I don't have any close friends and I was even told that was because I push people away. Maybe? So when do you know to call it quits? When do you decide it is time to let those things go, and just try to make it in the world? Maybe it is time to go some place new and start over? Maybe I am a bitter angry person and that is why I can't see the things I need to see. I guess I'm just questioning things. I'm having a hard time staying focused on the present, because the future is so unsure. I just don't know....

Blog Makeover

Hi everyone! I've done an extreme blog makeover today. Please go check it out and tell me what you think of the new look.

May God Bless you all today!

L

Thursday, October 15 - Life Update

Okay so we are tired of the rain. One and half days of sunshine out of 14, 1 cloudy day... Not a great way to start off October. We are almost finished with the job in Canton. Hopefully we will have it finished by tomorrow. My website is under construction and I have found some wonderful Christian sites that allow you to be an affiliate and advertise the items they have to sale. It's commission, but I think I found a couple of really good sites that offer wonderful things. One of the biggest updates is that I have decided not to go with the literary agency that I have been talking and interacting with. It just doesn't' feel right. So I'm back to finding a publisher. However, I think, once my friend Amber is through with the edits, I'm just going to post it on my website for sale as an ebook. Okay that's it for the day or for right now. I'm up way earlier than I need to be... but need to work on website and stuff before my physical job.. Maybe this is why I'm so tired... May God Bless you all!

Just A Note -

It seems I've been gone away on a long trip, and I am just now finding my way back. The month of July turned out different than I thought it would be, Thanks God. First, my daughter found my husband and I a rent house. It is quite affordable and as of 8/1/09 it was our place. We are still in the process of unpacking and sorting, sending a lot of stuff back to storage. I've been working for my husband since 7/7/09. I was quite scared that I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibilities and the work, but have found that I am a lot stronger than I thought. If you don't know, my husband and his brother James, do exterior remodeling and vinyl siding installation and repair as well as metal carports, decks, patio covers, and roofs, replacement windows and the list goes on. We just finished a six week job in Eustace which is at Mabank and Gun Barrel. The deck turned out awesome and I will add a picture on my blog. With me working for my husband, we have been able to catch up on a lot of our finances and been able to move. I'm not sure what finally convinced my husband that I could work with him, but I love it and so does he I think. Also, I've been contacted by the editor of an online newspaper that is local about doing some writing. No pay, but lots of exposure. Once we get settled and I get organized, I will begin posting at least once a week to my blogs. Please keep reading and letting our mutual friends know about my blogs. May God Bless you All.

Announcement - My Website

Hello everyone, I hope God has smiled on each and everyone of you today. Remember all your friends and family in prayer and to thank God for all He has blessed you with in life. I just wanted to take a moment and share with you that I have a website. It took me a while to come up with the title, but here it is: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com. It is not completely set up the way I want yet, but I hope to have that completed by the end of the week. Please go check it out. May God bless each and everyone of you! L

Which Direction Am I going?

This past week has proved to be different. Sometimes I feel like I'm just kind of floating around like a helium balloon, no real direction, just holding on by a string. I turned in my uniforms on Tuesday, did some writing for a lady, worked on a church directory for Lone Oak Assembly of God, and registered my domain name for my website. I hope to set that up this week. I've looked to see if we can find some kind of house or trailer to rent and have been unsuccessful. I don't want to go get another job outside the house until we figure out where we are going to live. I know God will send us the direction we need to go. I know that we will be able to catch up when Norman finishes the current job and maybe that is where our deposit and first months rent will come from too. I just some times wish God would let us in on His plans. Hope everyone has a blessed week and that you get the answers to your prayers or maybe the answers to your unanswered prayers. Praying that God heals everyone that is ill or sick, and that He grants or gives you all the blessings you are looking for. Thank you God for all you do in our lives and all the blessings you have bestowed upon our family. In Jesus Christ name, Amen. L

Short Survey Just for Fun... Provided by Amber at Striving for 31

Okay a friend of mine gave this on her blog. It was provided to her by her mother in law... So here are my answers. Feel free to leave your answers in a comment if you would like.

1) What is your salad dressing of choice? - Light House Italian
2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? - Anything Mexican for the most part
3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? - Grilled pork chops
4) What are your pizza toppings of choice? - Beef and onion
5) What do you like to put on your toast? - Cheddar Cheese
6) How many televisions are in your house? - 2
7) What color cell phone do you have? - Bright blue
8) Are you right-handed or left-handed? - right
9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body? - Some cysts, a baby, uterus, tubes, gallbladder, most of my intestines, tonsils, adenoids, appendectomy, a ruptured bursa sack, I think that is it, oh wait, several skin tags.
10) What is the last heavy item you lifted? - a five gallon bucket, 3/4 full of water
11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious? - Nope
12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? - Definitely not
13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't change it now
14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? - Easy money.
15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own? – six?
16) What are your goals for the year? - To become a better christian, closer to God, stronger in my faith, a better wife, and to get a job working from home writing, get my books published and get another house.
17) Last person you talked to? - My husband who called to tell me he is in love with me
18) Last person you hugged? Norman, my husband
19) Favorite Season? - Spring
20) Favorite Holiday? Christmas, I guess
21) Favorite day of the week? Thursday
22) Favorite Month? - March
23) First place you went this morning? Bathroom
24) What's the last movie you saw? Book of Beasts
25) Do you smile often? - Probably not
26) Do you always answer your phone? - No
27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? - My daughter
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be? - It changes by itself depending on how I feel, but for a permanent color, purple.
29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? - Just plain old coke classic with extra ice.
30) Have you ever had a pet fish? - Yes
31) Favorite Christmas song? - It came upon a midnight clear
32) What's on your wish list for your birthday? Already had my birthday. Spent the day being spoiled by my husband.. Of course, he included our anniversary too, since it was two days later.
33) Can you do push ups? - Yes
34) Can you do a chin up? - Maybe one or two
35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? - Both
36) Do you have any saved texts? Yes
37) Ever been in a car wreck? - Yes
38) Do you have an accent? - Of course not, I'm from Texas
39) What is the last song to make you cry? – High Cotton by Alabama
40) Plans tonight? Yes,just to be with my husband when he gets home.
41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? – Yes and more than once
42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Coke, creamer, juice
43) Have you ever been given roses? - Not lately, but my husband use to bring me yellow ones all the time.
44) Current hate right now? - Worrying about our finances.
45) Met someone who changed your life? - Jesus
46) How did you bring in the New Year? - sleeping
47) What song represents you? "I was raised on country sunshine"
48) Name three people who might complete this? - Not sure
49) What were you doing 12am last night? - looking at the clock
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I need coffee

Prayer

Prayer is not that hard but sometimes I find it very difficult. There is no wrong way to pray. God created us and we are His children and just like any other parent we should be able to talk to Him about anything. But I guess, just like with any parent some things are difficult to broach in a conversation. I know my path is changing, and I know God is the one steering it in the direction it needs to go. However, I feel that I am flailing in the wind, unsure of my destination or destiny.

2 Chronicles 6:40Now, my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and let Your ears be attentive to the prayer made in this place.

Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Today, these two verses stood out among many others. I have not been writing in my prayer journal lately due to busy schedules. It is wrong to let my schedule get in the way of my conversations with God. Prayer should be the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning hours. I am trying to redirect my life and this will be my first step back to God. Please read my blog: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com It will be my step by step progress of the direction I want my life to go. May God Bless you all, L.

Our spiritual Paths

Where is God leading me?
I'm have a very funny feeling these days, like I'm on a course and only God knows where it is going. That's okay, but I wish He would give me a sign of some kind. My little sister recently voiced a need for a burning bush, and I guess that is what I'm looking for as well. A burning bush giving me some kind of direction for my life. A few weeks ago everything seemed like it was right in my life, now I'm not so sure any longer. I once heard it said, "The closer you become to God, the harder the devil works to make your path not walkable. I guess that is true. I know I become more emotional with the simple things when God is working in my life. I know we all get discouraged because we think God is not listening and that He is letting bad things happen. God gives us free will. We all seek the perfect will of God. I recently had something explained to me about the Perfect Will of God and the Permissive Will of God. I will probably blog about that as soon as I have studied it more. In the mean time, thank God for all that He is doing in your life. Ask for blessings for your families, blood and extended and married into. Remember you may be struggling with something in your life, and someone you meet maybe be fighting for something in theirs as well. Also, remember we are never alone, God is always with us. May God Bless you all, L

How Do You Live In The Present Without Worrying About the Future

Does anyone have the answer to the above question? I no longer worry about the past. It doesn't matter and I can't change it now. I've made people mad, ticked them off, and ruined friendships because I speak my mind. Which is not a bad thing to speak your mind, but I guess you have to learn to do so tactfully, and I've been told many times, I lack that skill. But seriously, how do you live in the present and not worry or think about the future and how the decisions you make today are going to affect your future? I've been pondering this a lot lately. I sometimes visit a really dark place when I do, but I'm fighting to stay away from there. I know that I am not alone, and that God is here with me and is protecting me, and guiding me...but I crave His attention. I want as my sister says, "A burning bush" to tell me what I should be doing.... God Please just help me with the decisions that have to be made and what and where I should be.. L

Announcement New Blog Created 6/12/09

Hi there everyone, I created a new blog today. Please go make a visit to the blog. It is http://beagledowns.blogspot.com Leave a comment on what you think. Also go check out my sister's website www.rememberwhenranch.com and my niece's webpage www.randmministries.info. If you feel strongly about what they are doing, make a donation. It is tax deductible. Later gators! L