Monday, April 30, 2012

Hello out there!!!!!

It been a few months since I've written anything, anywhere except for school and work.  I discovered that I have missed it and hope this post will get me started back.  A lot has happened in the few months that I haven't written.  I finished my first year with online school, changed school, my mom moved in with us in September and moved to my sister's in March and I've celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary, my 50th birthday, and I joined weight watchers and weigh exactly what I did the day I got married. 

I'm still working in Addison with a relocation company and I have met a lot of interesting people, moving them across the United States, and some have become my friends, where we share laughter and emails, texts, and play games on Facebook. 

Life in general has settled down some.  Our finances are better than they have been in a while and we are starting to plan for our final home, where I still hope to have my animal rescue. 

We joined church in October of last year, and it feels like home.  I'm starting to feel comfortable again, and my spiritual life is growing.  I have lots of questions and God is sending me the answers.

Hope everyone has a great week!  Tomorrow is the first day of May, and soon everyone will be complaining about the heat!

God Bless!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Just Not Sure

Life is not often how we plan things or how we want things to be.  Our lives are in God's hands and he directs us but we have free will to do or make our choices.  There are always two paths before us.  It is our decision as to which one we take.  I currently have two paths before me and just not sure which way to go.  Neither is a wrong path but they will definitely have two different outcomes.  I'm not sure what I'm ready to sacrifice for them. 

I know that I just need to pray and the path will be shown to me.  I hope everyone has a prayer relationship with God and a daily walk with Him.  Mine is not what it has been and I find it difficult to stay focused these days. 

God Bless,

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Back to Corporate America

I have shared a lot on my blog over the last month.  I've shared our anxiety of not having work, not being able to pay bills and worry over if we were going to have a place to live.  I've filled out job application after job application and had no calls.  However, after much prayer and thanking God for all the things He does for us, I received a job offer from my old company sort of.  I start work for them on Thursday, the 16th as a contract or temporary employee.  It is for a group move and it is a two hour drive for me to go to work and a two hour drive for me to get home.  It's okay though!  I know it is temporary and this will give my husband time to find a regular job, not one that depends on good weather and a good economy.  He and I are both going to try to work for awhile at regular jobs and get caught up, paid off, and buy us a permanent place to live. 

I changed my school schedule to accommodate my working full time.  Until we get to where we don't need me to work full time, I will only go to school part time.  Yes it will take longer for me to get my degree, but it is okay and will pay off in the long run.  I'm also taking a free basic bookkeeping class that hopefully will brush up my knowledge enough that I can get something in an accounting department or for a company, doing basic bookkeeping once the full time work is gone in Addison.  Either way, I know that God heard our pleas and has answered one of our many prayers.

Life is going to be a little different and it will take some adjusting, but what we have received from God and what we are able to do is beyond what we had hoped.  So although we aren't out of the woods, we can see the clearing and God is smiling upon us and blessing us constantly.  Thank you God.  Thank you for our friends, family and your Church.  We couldn't have made it the last two weeks without any of it and especially without you. 

Love, L

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Life In A Bottle

The economy is effecting everyone in all walks of life.  No one is immune. Even if you think you are not affected, you are because if you are buying groceries, gas, or paying bills, you are affected.  People are losing homes, cars, and their sanity because of the economy.  This week I have felt like I'm walking around in a bottle with no air and no opening to come out from under the weight of the economy. 

My husband is a general contractor and we are going on a month with no new jobs, no phone calls to amount to anything and estimates that no one can make a decision on.  I work part-time at our church as custodian.  I have been job searching for the last two to three weeks, applying for job after job after job.  My husband has been a general contractor for about 20 years and so being an "employee" is not a word that has been in my husband's vocabulary in a long time, but that is going to have to change. 

Life sometimes hands you circumstances and it seems that no matter how hard you try to work or fix the issue, there is no answer.  That is the way our life is at this moment.  I'm not sure what the future holds for us at this moment.  I'm not even sure if we will have a place to live or a car to drive in another week.  I do know this and that is God will see us through this and more.

We have not given up on looking for jobs.  I think I may even have one, but by the time I receive a paycheck this are going to be pass the serious and arriving at the edge of "where do we go".  I know that probably makes no sense, but stress levels in our house are as high as the Mississippi river in some areas along it's banks right now.  I've had several anxiety attacks in the last two weeks, bad enough that I thought I was having a heart attack.  Pain so severe that my only thought was I won't see my husband's face before I die and I don't know if I said I love you or not today. 

I need someone to take the cap off of this bottle and let in a breath of  fresh air.  We are doing the best we can, and we are praying daily for God's intervention.  I guess the reason I'm writing this, is to say to others who are facing the effects of the economy, don't give up.  Have faith and take it all to God.  I know He is the only way we are going to survive this.  God Bless!

Love L

Friday, May 13, 2011

When I No Longer Feel

There are times when the outside world gets to me and I can no longer handle it.  The stress builds and builds until the wall around my heart starts to grow, brick by brick, stone by stone.  The worry of being able to pay bills, of having a place to live and not be afraid of losing everything else I have left in this life, gets too much.  I stop feeling. 

I push everyone and anyone away.  I don’t want anyone to touch me, talk to me or even look at me.  I just want to fade away out of the line of sight of everyone and everything.  I go back to when I didn’t let anyone inside.  These feelings like this are not new.  They have been around since my daughter was very little.  I’ve often wondered if I ever pushed her away.  I’ve talked to her about it and she said no momma, you have always let me in. 

The funny thing is this… I don’t know how I use to make it go away before I was married.  Now, my husband is my cure.  He seems to know when to pull me close, when to reach out and just touch my face softly with his fingertips. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “I love you darlin’” and the look in his eyes tells me it is the truth.  I have never felt the way I do when he holds me close, his fingers strumming along my body; His lips slowly caressing my neck or my ears.  I feel so loved and I feel so deeply that I cry during our lovemaking.  I don’t know if other women ever experience feelings that deep or not.    He no longer asks why I cry, when I do.  I love him totally and utterly without holding back.  I’ve never loved anyone like that of the opposite sex.  He is truly my soul mate.  I think if I had not found him when I did, when God sent him to me, I would be in a very lonely world, or maybe not even in this world any longer.  I’m not sure. 

I know this, that no matter what our families say, we were destined for each other from the beginning of time.  Not that I would want to change what we have lived through or received from our lives like our children, but sometimes, I wish that I had met him when I was 16, 18, or 20.  I wish we could have had more in our lives, and even children together.  Again, there is no regret only trust and a love that I think God for every day of my life since I met him, received the first email, or had the first conversation.  It’s kind of like the song, “You had me from Hello.”