Just a Little Catch Up

I took Friday, January 28th off as it was my daughter's 25th birthday and we spent most of the day together.  It was fun!  It has been a long time since I've had a girl's day and it was much enjoyed.  We ate lunch at Chili's (so yes I have to start my weight loss over) and we went to the movies and saw "The Rite" with Anthony Hopkins.  All and all it was a good day. 

Also on Friday morning I did a little research on schools that offer accounting degrees online.  Why? Well I took an aptitude test on Thursday and it said that I should be an accountant.  Which as I think about it, I took it for two years in high school and it was something I truly enjoyed.  I do like numbers.  So I found a few schools, but the top one listed was Bryant & Stratton.  So I requested admissions info and received a call within an hour. 

I received everything I need by email to apply, request transcripts, get financial aid, and I have to complete a short essay.  The fear of doing something and completing it, and changing my career or what was my career for 24 years is a little much.  The thought keeps going through my head, "Can I actually do this?"  If I do school full time, each semester is 15 weeks, divided in to two 7.5 week, and you only take two classes for each 7.5 week period.  I have to test in math and English to see where they will place me, but in 20 months I can have an accounting degree. 

Also this past week, I've decided to sell my car.  I walk to work, and we do have the truck so it's not like we won't have a vehicle.   It will just have to come home and be here for the weekends so I can run all errands.  This is really all very much a life changer in the works.  I also know that this is a change from being a teacher, but my sanity won out on that one.  I'm a good self-starter and it doesn't bother me to work alone, so being a bookkeeper or keeping books for a few small companies would not bother me. 

The cost is pretty steep as for as the degree, but if it is suppose to be, God will take care of it.  If it is not suppose to be, there will be obstacles that cannot be overcome.  So my journey starts by sending the paperwork back and I plan to do that on Monday after work. 

If we can make this all come together for the next few months, then life will definitely be better financially and we will be able to get some things done, including moving to be closer to my kids when the time comes.  I just need to stay focused and work at the church and do school.  I will be able to work at my own pace and I have one on one tutoring if i need it.  So friends, family and followers, please say a little prayer for us, me.  We always need prayers, but needing a little extra as we face this next challenge.

Have a God filled Weekend!
Love,
L

A Destructive Streak

If you read my blogs, I shared about my eating disorder and some of my trigger foods.  Because of the gastric bypass sugar is a no no, carbonation is suppose to be a no no, drinking through a straw is also one of those things I'm not suppose to do.  Also since the surgery, I have developed a few things that I am allergic to like chocolate, milk, ranch dressing in large quantities, queso, and I have problems with digesting lettuce. 

So there are times when I know what I am eating is going to make me sick.  So why do I do it?  I usually reason it out with this statement, "I haven't had it in a long time and I need it."  It is true to a point.  Sometimes I just want the taste again.  I love salads.  I like to eat cereal.  Yesterday I made brownies and I've eaten them twice. 

I know emotions effect this a lot, so I try to figure out what exactly it is that drives me to do this.  I'm not lonely.  I have a wonderful marriage.  We have financial difficulties, but then who doesn't these days.  I think a big problem I have right now is trying to figure out what, where and when.  Finding a job is stressing the situation as well.  I want to go back to school, but they are requiring pre-algebra and I'm sure it is necessary, but I would like to start working towards my degree as well.  Maybe teaching is not the degree I need to go after?  I just not sure.  So I think really that is the issue.  I want to use the things I love to make a living, but then I think about that in the long run and wonder how long will the world need an animal trainer or dog trainer, and does any one still read books, fiction.? 

I know that I need to start journaling again.  I haven't in almost two months at least not on a consistent basis and maybe that will help me.  I talk to God constantly and know that He is there providing for me and my needs.

Have a God Filled Day!
Love, L

At Some Point I lost control

I have been overweight most or all my life.  I constantly struggled from the time I was in first grade to the present with being at a weight where I was happy with my appearance.  There have been times when I weighed 125 as a teenager and thought I was at a good spot, but I have never been able to maintain a healthy, happy weight.  My highest weight was 322 pounds.  I weighed that at the time I had a gastric bypass.  The lowest weight I have been since the surgery was 157 pounds and I only reached that after having mono and throwing up for 48 hours. 

Once I recovered from mono I hit 167 and I was okay with that, because I was toned and I was wearing a size 12.  That is the smallest I have been since I was 16.  In 1998 or 1999, I was diagnosed with compulsive overeating disorder.  It is something I have constantly struggled with and at some point in the last 18 months I have totally lost control.  There are foods that I should never buy at the store because of the disorder.  Popcorn, chips, and sugar cookies, whether in a roll to be baked or fresh or whatever.  I cannot stop once I start and I eat until I throw up.  I know this is not healthy.  So what do I do?  I've put more pressure on myself to control it and my weight. 

I have set an impossible goal, and find myself thinking about things like starvation diets, consuming less than a 1000 calories a day.  Here's the thing though, even with those thoughts, I'm already defeated because I can't control the eating disorder.  No matter how hard I try, and I do have good days, I cannot stop myself. 

I've turned it over to God and constantly fail.  It is not God's fault that I cannot control it.  It is mine.  I've tried everything.  I'm not sure what to do at this point.  I do not want to gain any more weight.  I'm already considered obese by the BMI index that you see on the internet and in doctor's offices.  I start every day a new with the hopes of getting it back under control.  I can't afford to get help with it professionally, and I have no insurance.  I have pulled my books about emotional eating and overeating, and compulsive obsessive disorder out of storage.  I will start again, but I'm really lost this time. 

Eating disorders are very serious no matter what or which one you have.  Most people think that people with eating disorders are these little bitty skinny people, and that is not true.  I weighed this morning after working out for over two weeks, and cutting back on my eating and I have not lost any weight.  I actually starting the whole cutting back thing before the end of December. 

I don't know why I wrote all this or why I'm sharing, but cold reality hit me in the face today, and this was only one of the things I have to face and do it quickly.

Love, L

What I meant Was

When i made the post on Monday about if you were receiving my blog by email, what i really meant was that if i send it to you.  I didn't mean those of you who had subscribed.  So just wanted to make that clear. 
In the next few days I'm going to share what I have been reading on the Word of Faith Movement.  I'm announcing that because I know that there are a lot of people who follow the health, wealth prosperity movement.  Please do not read the posts if that is how you believe.  I'm not trying to make anyone mad.  I just want to share what I find out.  A lot of my family follows or believes so I will mark the title to the posts with WOFM in the title, that way no one will be hurt or upset.

Thanks for being a follower of my blog.

Have a blessed day!

If You Receive my blogs by email

This is just to let everyone know that if you were receiving my blog posts directly by email, you won't receive them any longer.  Most everyone that was receiving was on face book.  You can sign up to follow if you wish or you can unfollow if you wish.  I just thought this way was simpler.

Look for new posts on all blogs, except for Beagle Downs sometime today.....

Later,
L

Chaparral Airlines, Abilene, Texas August 1981 to December 1982

I graduated from Braniff Educations Systems, Inc in May of 1981.  It was a vocational school program that taught you about the reservation systems and travel systems in order to work in reservations for an airline or at a travel agency.  I was hired in August by Chaparral Airlines in 1981.  I moved to Abilene Texas and lived there until December of 1982.  I made many friends there and would love to reconnect after all this time. 

One of my friends was named Annette Buck.  We ran together along with Vicki Barker.  Vicki had a daughter that was about 4 or 5 then whose name was Jacqueline.  Another one of my friends was Linda Robinson who was originally from Missouri.  Mary Cotten was a flight attendant and we too spent a lot of time together doing girl stuff, going dancing, and drinking among other things.  Some of the others were Joni, Maryann, Donna, Minerva, Elvie, and one of our bosses was JoAnn Glenn.  Joann got married while I was still there and moved to Vega Texas.  I don't remember her married name or that of her husband.  I lived down the street from Dyess Airforce Based and dated a few of the guys there.

Some of the pilots were Rick Ruhlmann, Bill Davis, and Chuck Grant I think.  I don't remember many more of them.  So I guess what I'm doing with this post is hoping that some of them will see it through face book, or google, or through networked blogs and contact me. 

I also had a couple of friends that lived out there that was not involved in the airlines, but I was good friends with them.  Judy and Bill Murphy.  Now I know they were divorced, but not sure what happened after that. 

My prayer is that God will direct this post out to where I can make contact with them again. 

How Do You Measure Your Happiness?

This has been on my mine a lot lately.  How do you measure your happiness?  Do you measure it by the material things you have?  By the amount of money you have in the bank?  Or do you measure it by the number of friends you have? 

Do you truly know if you are happy?  If you are happy, what is it that makes you happy?  Is it knowing that you are safe and secure?  Is it knowing that no matter what your spouse will love you?  When was the last time you were truly happy and laughed all the time or had a smile on your face all the time? 

I would love to see your answers or your thoughts on the subject.  I will answer those questions myself in a blog to come.  As I said, I have been contemplating these questions myself lately. 

Later,
Love, L

A Special Friend

I have many female friends that I talk to every now and then.  I have a couple that I stay in close contact with and even though we might not talk on the phone for weeks, or months, it is always like we just saw each other  and have great conversations. 

One of my friends, whom I have known for many years now, sent me an email today and it was just what I needed.  She is a very sweet, special lady, and always has a kind word and is ready to pray for me or anyone else whenever it is needed.

We are not of the same religious beliefs but that has never been a problem for us.  We talk about our religion and I try to understand hers, and she understands mine.  I'm never afraid to talk to her about Jesus or God. 

We worked together for years and she has always been there in time of family emergencies like when my grandfather was in and out of the hospital and passed away, when my grandmother died, and she was that at my dad's memorial service after he passed away. 

She came to my wedding shower, and my wedding and it meant a great deal to me.  She is someone I have lots of memories of and with, and we both shared a special place for Mexican food when we worked in Las Colinas.

So This is a special blog for my very special friend, "Betty Cookie Kabakoff".

Thanks! 
Love ya,
Laura

Time is getting closer

We are proceeding with the plans for our vow renewal ceremony.  Originally we were going to rent a place to party afterwards, but have decided to use the fellowship hall at the church.  I also have talked to our youth band, "Unchained" and asked if they could play for us.  Makayla agreed.  I'm going to talk to her some more. 

I also want to get some pictures from my mother in law and do a slide show of Norman and I to play before the ceremony.  I plan to order a cake, have punch, coffee, tea, sodas, and some finger foods. 
It may not be a very big ceremony or affair but it is something that we want to do.  We would love for our families to be there, and some have responded.  However, we are also going to invite our church family.  I want this to be a cherished memory for us both. 

I probably won't do much decorating in the sanctuary, but a few things here and there in the fellowship hall will probably happen.  This is going to be a real fancy affair either. Again, though Norman and I are going to dress up, because we did a western wedding before.  I've almost considered doing the wedding dress thing, but that isn't really me.  Anyway, we want all our friends and family to come, and just visit and have a good time and be part of the cherished memory. 

Now I just need to come up with how I want the ceremony and that will be another part complete.

Good night!  God Bless!

So Many Thoughts, Not Enough Space or Time

Okay so I could sleep late this morning and I woke up before four am.  I finally got up at five something and pushed the button on the coffee pot.  Why?  Who knows why I woke up so early, but I dreamed a lot last night.  Some of my dream had to do with renewing our vows, but the hymn Tenderly and Softly ( I think that is correct) kept running through my mind.  Of course I am always thinking about how I can increase my income from writing, and I'm not talking about writing content.  I can do that and I'm okay with that, but I have an extremely hard time writing about things I have no interest in or care about.  So I know that just writing content is never going to be enough income.  I love writing stories, books, poems (although I'm not as good at poems) and just little articles or pages dealing with life.  I have writing posted on the website called triond and you make money off of it for people viewing or reading or whatever you want to call it.  I've received a notice today that I made a whole .51 cents on the site this last month.  Okay I know you are laughing, but here's the thing, I've not posted anything new on that site probably in months.  So to make money when I haven't added anything new, means something to me.  I also have articles and stories on http://www.helium.com/ and I have two or three dollars accumulated on that site as well, but you can't get paid from that one unless you have 25.00 or more. 

On Monday of this week, I made a list of things that I wanted to work on this week, and I kind of starting working towards my goal of losing 35 pounds.  By the way, I've lost 4 pounds since the 27th of December, and I'm not really trying, just increasing protein, water intake and the amount I eat, and how often I eat.  Anyway, the list I compiled looked like this:

Triond
Helium
Blogs
Budget - completed, but needs to be changed a little
Math
Caity's Blanket
journal
devotional
Food log
telephone service - completed
vacuum cleaner belts - borrowed my niece's instead
Grant gopher
Vince's stuff - I've tried and I don't think I can accomplish this one.

Things I've done that weren't on that list are as follows:
made dog treats
cleaned the house
did laundry
exercised
new cell phones activated

Today is Thursday and the chances that I will get anything else done on the original list is very slim.  I did start a journal entry this morning and I did make a list of items we still need to pay by the end of January, and that one is in God's hands.  There is a recovery meeting tonight and I'm going to try to go, but... we will just leave it at that.  (Ugh I need to take something out of the freezer for dinner)

I know that God never leaves us and we just have to trust in Him completely.  That was my one and only resolution for the year, To Trust In God and Step out in Faith.  So here it is God.  I know you can sort through it and show me where and how, when, and why, and what. 

May you all have a God Filled and Blessed Day!