Funny How Things Look in Hindsight

It just seemed that all of 2009 was such a struggle and 2010 is off to a rough start. After I quit my profession of 24 years, I assumed (everyone knows what that means) that I would have no problems making money at home. My pride, would not let me think otherwise. (Pride goeth before the fall). I tried many things and finally accepted failure. I took a job at a local furniture store, making $500 every two weeks, and was angry because I had felt that society, family and friends had let me down. No one was at fault; it was my assumption that was the problem, that and my pride. I was afraid to ask anyone for help. I didn't want anyone to know that there was something I couldn't do. Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't afford to live in my house any longer either. We finally moved in with my daughter after I gave my dogs to new owners. This by far has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I turned back to payer and to God, finally, devastated, frustrated, and miserable, lost and confused. Things became worse before they got better. In May of 2009, my husband blacked out behind the wheel. He is doing fine, but to this day we still don't know why or what happened. But God has brought us through that. I continually pray for guidance. I've been told that the bible says we just have to claim our promises, desires and needs, and God will deliver. I've kept a prayer journal off and on since November of 2008. In January of 2009, I had symptoms of a heart attack and because I felt like I had failed my husband, I went to the emergency room and didn't want my husband called. I had the retarded thought that he didn't really love me and that he didn't care. I was wrong, very wrong. We are each others soul mate. We didn't marry each other for one to take care of the other. We married each other because we fell in love. I prayed to God to help our marriage and to help my husband's faith to be stronger as well as mine. It seems that the more I prayed the more difficult things became, and still are at times. It is said that there isn't anything that God brings you to, that He doesn't bring you through. We have to trust and believe that God will take care of all our needs and see us through. Things for 2010 are going to be better. This year our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I still plan to make a living with my computer. I want my house back and I've prayed for over a year. Today I received a call from someone offering to help. Of course, it comes at a cost, but I know God will take care of that if it is meant to be. We have a new church home and I'm learning to stop and pray when there are issues. I still get tired of waiting and I'm really ready for the trials and tribulations to go away. God will get us through this year. My husband and I know this and we know that we have each other no matter what and that God is always with us. May God Bless you all. L

Typical Monday

Its a typical Monday morning, chilly, damp and I don't want to work outside today.. But I will if we go. We are close to finishing this job and I really hope we make enough to catch things up and have enough for a little Christmas. If not, I'm sure God will take care of our needs. I miss my family, my friends, and my socializing outside of family with co-workers and clients. I don't miss the clients enough to want to go back to corporate America, but I do miss it.

We made both church services yesterday. I really like the church and the people. I can feel God at work there, and sometimes it is hard not to cry during singing and invitation. I know that is God working in my life. I know God has something wonderful planned for me and Norman. I just wish He would let us know what it is.

Hope you all have a wonderful, God blessed day! Wishing each and everyone of you a very Merry Christmas!

Bible Verse: 1 Peter 1:16

Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

Here is my Prayer for the day

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.
I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Three Questions

I have a friend who writes a blog called, "Striving for 31", http://www.strivingfor31.com/. She is the wife of a Baptist preacher in North Carolina. Her blogs are more, so much more than mine are and raise a lot of questions for me sometimes. Today or the last post I read was titled, "Getting to know you...". She asked 10 questions, three of which I left blank. The three questions that I didn't answer are as follows:

• What do you really want for Christmas?


• If you could ask God one question (anything goes) what would you ask Him?


• What inspires you?

Those three questions have stumped me. Normally I would have an answer flying from my fingertips to a key board, but this year has been so different, unusual, full of trials and tribulations and has made me step back and re-examine aspects of my life. I have no regrets about the decisions that I have made and that have brought me to this point. So I'm trying to answer these questions and I'm trying to be as truthful with myself and with you, my readers.

So here is one of the questions: What do I really want for Christmas?

This should be a fairly easy and simple question, but its not. I could ask for something frivolous like a bottle of perfume or some new clothes or a video game or a new DVD, but that is not what I really want. I guess deep down, I just want to be happy and healthy and I have both of those already. I love my husband and my family and I want for all of them to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. That is or would be an exceptional gift! It is a gift that only God can give and I ask that for them all.

As for the other two questions, what question would I ask God? That one will be addressed on the following blogspot: http://livingbythewordofGod.blogspot.com. What inspires me? I will address on this blogspot as soon as I write my answer. May God Bless each and everyone of you in the days to come, and may He fulfill all your needs, desires and wants... Love, L

The End of the Week

Wow, it has been one of those weeks where I seemed to be at a dead run, but had nothing really to do. I finished a baby blanket, found the hot pad boards to return to my sister, worked on my bible study, came up with a new name for a new blog, and nursed my dog back to health. Other than that it was just normal household chores like cleaning, laundry, and budgeting for bills, oh and my daughter broke her hand. Go figure! So why do I feel like something was missing? If you read my blogs, I just wrote a conversation with God. I have those a lot, more now than I use to, and much deeper than they use to be. We are going to church again. Everyone is really nice, you can feel the love in the church, and everyone makes sure to speak and say hi, and no one said, "you have my seat." We know several people that already go there, and that makes it nice. We can walk across the street and we are there. We are going again tomorrow. I'm glad. I wasn't sure if we would or not. I'm not sure what next week will be like. I love working with my husband and brother in law, but sometimes it is difficult, especially if there are no facilities for potty breaks. I want my website to work. I want to write and be able to make a living, and not just a living to get us by or to pay the bills, but to be a legitimate income. I'm not looking for fame or to get rich. I just want to do more than survive. I don't want to have to worry about the weather effecting work, or the time of year when it is slow for general contracting, and I don't want my husband to have to work until he is 80. I know God will show us what we need to do, so in the meantime, please check out my website: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com, and my other blogs: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com, and http://beagledowns.blogspot.com, and there will soon be a new one, the name will be announced soon. May God Bless you all this week. Love, L

Can't Shake It

Do you ever have days where your brain will just not shut off for a few minutes? I mean even why you are sleeping, your brain continually thinks. Or do you ever have a day, where one single thing takes all the brain capacity you have and will not go away? For some reason today has been one of those days. I woke up in an excellent mood. It was a little chilly, coffee was made and you could smell it all over the house... ahhh it was so good. I'm not sure what triggered the mood change. I'm not sure what made the thoughts enter and why they will not leave. It wasn't just one single thought. It was several. I did my devotionals this morning, prayed just like always. So why is the devil taking over? I prayed for God to send him away. So what are the thoughts that have been plaguing me today? Where am I headed? What am I suppose to do with my life? Will life ever be normal again? Why do things happen just before the holidays? I've asked myself that last question for years. I guess that is why I don't really enjoy the holidays any more. It always seemed that something either happens just before a major holiday or while everyone is together. I love visiting family so what happened in my life to make things change? I can probably answer that question, and all the ones above but it is best sometimes to leave things unsaid, not spoken. May God Bless You all. Love L

Three Things Today

First, I'm going to be starting a new blog that I will strictly use for the writing of stories and sharing excerpts from Novels I have written. I hope you will tune in, and I will make the name announcement as soon as I come up with one. The frequency on that blog will not be as often as I write on the others.

Two, It is no secret or shouldn't be that I did drugs when my daughter was small. I snorted speed for about a month. The one feeling that is still very strong from that episode of my life, is feeling my pulse race and the blood move through my veins. There is no way to describe that feeling to another person, unless they, themselves have experienced it. Anyway, last night during dinner, I began experiencing that feeling. It makes me very nauseous now, and I'm not sure what caused it. We were eating frozen pizzas that we just bought about a week ago, so I don't think it was food poisoning. It took puking to and an aspirin to make it go away, and I had to lay down. I hate that!

Third thought or thing for the day. I haven't had a drink since June. I know that has only been about 4 months, but it has been more difficult than I thought. I didn't drink that often or so I thought, but for the last week, I have wanted to buy a six pack of Jack's Hard colas and drink everyone. I'm still drink free, but temptation has been awful and it doesn't make it any easier now that they sell it here in town at both the grocery stores and the convenience store.

Have a great Friday! and a Happy Halloween, Or Harvest Festival. May God Bless you all.

Blog Makeover

Hi everyone! I've done an extreme blog makeover today. Please go check it out and tell me what you think of the new look.

May God Bless you all today!

L

My Blogs

I published a blog late last night entitled "Choices". Just for the record it was not aimed at any one person in particular. It was not specific. There are a lot of times we have to make choices in this life and those choices are some times forced upon us by others. So here is an apology to anyone I may have hurt. Again, my blogs are my opinions and I write what I feel. May God continue to bless your lives...

Have You Ever Wondered Where Your Life Has Gone?

Okay so its not like my life has ended, but it just seems like it has all been a blur, especially the last 7 years. I mean we moved, my life changed dramatically when I had gastric bypass, I met and fell in love and got married, and things got complicated. Complicated is not bad, just hard to handle sometimes. I love my husband and would not change the last 4 years for anything. He filled a place that had been empty all my life. My daughter grew up, fell in love and got married. I quit a job with an industry I had been in for 23 years, and I don't miss the job, I miss the people. My parents moved to Denton, I lost my grandmother, a home, and all my dogs. Do I have any regrets? No not really, just wish that I had done more in the last 15 or 23 years than I did. I think if I had thought it possible, I would have had a gastric bypass when they first came up with the surgery. I would have traveled more, been better with my money, and maybe made a few decisions differently. However, if that had changed the people I have met, then maybe I don't really want that after all. It is true, that people come in and out of your life for a reason. Some are there just for the moment, others are there for the long haul. But all of them leave you with some little tidbit of information, or a feeling or a memory, or a thought that makes you smile, or makes you cry. What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Well that is another post and another day. May God Bless you all. L

Website Update

Hello everyone, this is just a simple note to let everyone know that I updated my website today and have a few things out there to see. I'm offering an article for sale, and I have placed some photos of some thing I'm thinking about offering on my website for purchase. Please go take a look. The web address is www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com. The article for sale is the Honesty article I placed on one of my blogs.

Another thing I'm offering is wood work art, with scriptures burnt into the wood. There are photos on the website.

I may go to my other blog and place some photos. Please let me know what you think.

May God bless you...L

Realization

I've been thinking about this for awhile. I exchange my old cell phone and service carrier for one on my husband plan with a full keyboard. It seemed that I used text messaging more than the phone service. So at the beginning of July, I got a whole new set up. I sent the new number to my friends and family, expecting life to be the same. It has occurred to me recently, that I don't need a cell phone. I work with my husband now, so we don't even use ours to call each other and now that there is unlimited text messaging on his phone plan, we don't use that feature either. I receive no calls from my family or friends except my daughter and occasionally my son in law, but no one else. So what changed? Did I just tick everyone off? Did I say something else that I should have kept to myself? Or have all my friends gone away? I'm not sure the reason, but I feel very alone. I have my husband and my daughter, but it doesn't seem like there is anyone else in my life. I'm on facebook and I have little conversations there, but it is really just another addiction I have to play games. Anyone have any ideas? May God Bless you all. L

Doors and Friends

I guess the phrase “when one door closes another one opens” is true. However, sometimes we don’t always get confirmation that this is absolute. Sometimes we make decisions and never know if we made the right one at the right time. So I guess that sometimes we close those doors and can only hope another will open and immediate confirmation is not always there. I did however receive confirmation that I made the correct decision from about 14 months ago. After 23 years, I left the relocation industry on a venture, that I hoped and prayed would be fruitful, and even though the venture was not, my decision was still correct.

The company I worked for was sold and I believe there have been two layoffs and insurance benefits have gone up and some people have had to take pay cuts to keep a job.

During the last 14 months, many doors or opportunities have been opened for me. I temporarily worked for a furniture store, a movie theater and I have been able to write articles for people. Many doors have also closed during those 14 months. I left behind the security of a monthly paycheck, health insurance, good friends, lost a home, gave up my dogs, and lost a sister in laws friendship. This wasn’t all because of the decision I made, but because of things that happened emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally during that time. I drifted to a place of darkness that I never want to visit again, but some days I feel myself drifting towards that well of darkness.

Just like doors, friends come and go in our lives. They arrive to fill a specific need and sometimes, are gone very soon, and sometimes are with us for our entire lives. God fills our lives with those people to take care of needs whether they are emotional, spiritual, mental or physical. Sometimes those particular friendships or relationships end on a good note or end horribly and make us wonder why on earth we ever met.

There are many regrets when it comes to friends. Some if those friends, I lost due to their death, some because of words said or written and some because we just lost touch with each other. My regrets come from not saying good bye, some from not saying, I’m sorry, I did mean that the way it sounded, and some I just didn’t get to say how much I loved them and how much I enjoyed having them as friends.

Just remember that doors and friends open and close, come and go, and we don’t always know when that will happen. Cherish your friendships, say you’re sorry when you need to or even if you don’t think you need too, be there for them when they need you because you may need them some day as well. Never dwell in the past, live in the present and look forward to the future and pray to God for the things you need, the blessing you have received, for loved ones, for those that are sick or in need of healing. It doesn’t matter what people think of you or say about you. It matters as to what is in your heart, and that God lives there and knows your soul. Life is stressful enough without trying to worry about what people might say, think or do. Live life to the fullest; love unconditionally; laugh often, cry it cleanses the soul, and don’t expect anything in return. God will see to all your needs. May you be Blessed to the fullest and may God shine through your soul.

Hate - A very strong emotion

We fight the battle of good vs evil everyday. Some days we win and some days we lose. God is always there with us helping us to fight those battles and we walk away with scars that run very deep some times. I'm not talking evil as in villians, monsters, crooks, robbers and such. I'm talking about the battle within ourselves to do good instead of bad, to think good instead of bad, to love everyone and not have bad feelings towards others. Hate is a word I associate with bad or evil. I don't hate anyone, I don't love everyone like I should, like the bible dictates. I have a strong dislike for some people and it usually comes back to how I was treated by them or something that was done. I always try to forgive and forget. The forgiving part is not as hard as it used to be, but sometimes the forgetting part of what happened lingers endlessly. It's kind of like that darkness that sometimes tries to steal me from the world. I fear that one day the darkness will win and swallow me and I will cease to exist. Sometimes people cause you to have negative thoughts or cause emotions like hatred and anger to over take your thoughts, body and soul. I try to go to God when that starts to happen and sometimes, I just cry. Hate is something I have more towards myself than anyone else. I hate that I let myself get caught up in what other people think of me, my life. I hate the guilt I feel towards things that have happened in the past even though I've asked for God forgiveness, the forgetting doesn't stop. I hate that I let these thoughts and feelings sometimes take over my life. I hate that I don't trust people no matter what. I hate that I feel like I've let people down or failed them for one reason or another. I hate that I have let life harden my heart. I hate that I let my past interfere in my present and sometimes dictate the course of my future. I hate that I have no close friends and I hate that I let my anger and fear run them off. God will or has forgiven me, I just can't forgive myself or let the emotions go. May God bless you all. Love, L

Just A Note -

It seems I've been gone away on a long trip, and I am just now finding my way back. The month of July turned out different than I thought it would be, Thanks God. First, my daughter found my husband and I a rent house. It is quite affordable and as of 8/1/09 it was our place. We are still in the process of unpacking and sorting, sending a lot of stuff back to storage. I've been working for my husband since 7/7/09. I was quite scared that I wouldn't be able to handle the responsibilities and the work, but have found that I am a lot stronger than I thought. If you don't know, my husband and his brother James, do exterior remodeling and vinyl siding installation and repair as well as metal carports, decks, patio covers, and roofs, replacement windows and the list goes on. We just finished a six week job in Eustace which is at Mabank and Gun Barrel. The deck turned out awesome and I will add a picture on my blog. With me working for my husband, we have been able to catch up on a lot of our finances and been able to move. I'm not sure what finally convinced my husband that I could work with him, but I love it and so does he I think. Also, I've been contacted by the editor of an online newspaper that is local about doing some writing. No pay, but lots of exposure. Once we get settled and I get organized, I will begin posting at least once a week to my blogs. Please keep reading and letting our mutual friends know about my blogs. May God Bless you All.

Which Direction Am I going?

This past week has proved to be different. Sometimes I feel like I'm just kind of floating around like a helium balloon, no real direction, just holding on by a string. I turned in my uniforms on Tuesday, did some writing for a lady, worked on a church directory for Lone Oak Assembly of God, and registered my domain name for my website. I hope to set that up this week. I've looked to see if we can find some kind of house or trailer to rent and have been unsuccessful. I don't want to go get another job outside the house until we figure out where we are going to live. I know God will send us the direction we need to go. I know that we will be able to catch up when Norman finishes the current job and maybe that is where our deposit and first months rent will come from too. I just some times wish God would let us in on His plans. Hope everyone has a blessed week and that you get the answers to your prayers or maybe the answers to your unanswered prayers. Praying that God heals everyone that is ill or sick, and that He grants or gives you all the blessings you are looking for. Thank you God for all you do in our lives and all the blessings you have bestowed upon our family. In Jesus Christ name, Amen. L

Prayer

Prayer is not that hard but sometimes I find it very difficult. There is no wrong way to pray. God created us and we are His children and just like any other parent we should be able to talk to Him about anything. But I guess, just like with any parent some things are difficult to broach in a conversation. I know my path is changing, and I know God is the one steering it in the direction it needs to go. However, I feel that I am flailing in the wind, unsure of my destination or destiny.

2 Chronicles 6:40Now, my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and let Your ears be attentive to the prayer made in this place.

Matthew 21:22And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Today, these two verses stood out among many others. I have not been writing in my prayer journal lately due to busy schedules. It is wrong to let my schedule get in the way of my conversations with God. Prayer should be the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning hours. I am trying to redirect my life and this will be my first step back to God. Please read my blog: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com It will be my step by step progress of the direction I want my life to go. May God Bless you all, L.

Tired of Scams

People who are setting up scams on the internet, should be prosecuted for taking advantage of people and dashing their hopes to pieces. I filed a claim with the internet crime complaint center yesterday. I checked out google and snopes before signing up with this PTR, there was nothing at the time. Yes it sounded too good to be true, but you always still have that little piece of hope that these are honest people. Wrong!!!! Always go with your gut. I worked for a little over 4 months on this ptr to acquire enough money to request cash out. I even paid extra money to upgrade through paypal. It is all a hoax and a scam and who ever set these up have tied about 18 sites together. Some of them are E-mailptr.com, Vibrant Vitalities, Prosperous Boom, Fellowequality, Cooperativemail.com, Magnetismail.com, Fourleafclovermail, comfortableincome, comeongain, inspiremarrow.com, asonewishes.com, and the list goes on. They even ask you to set up a Liberty Reserve account so that you can receive payout in a matter of days...... However, what they don't tell besides the fact that they are scammers is that it is digital currency and you have to exchange it for real currency through an exchange company like London gold exchange.. Anyway, just beware. If you have signed up for one of the above companies, stop wasting your time. I should have received my money by 5/21/09 at the latest. It would have been enough money to get us back on our feet and save our home from foreclosure. I'm still waiting and they stopped responding to emails after the 18 days. I can't get my upgrade money back either..... Just a word of warning. The email address for the person who took my money through paypal is ingapun@gmail.com... I even gave the IP address for this individual. It would be nice to get my money... but I have no hopes of that happening

Taking Advantage of People

I guess we all take advantage of people at different times in our lives. It's not right to continually take advantage of someone over and over again. It's not right to do it the first time. Its the same as being taken for granted. People who use other people for personal gain are just wrong! Okay, so maybe I'm on my soapbox today. To ask someone to help you occasionally is okay, but to only come around or use them when it benefits the user is totally wrong... Did I already say that once? Okay well, It really upsets me when I see it happen to someone very close to me, and I've witnessed it several times with this one really good friend. It does know good to say anything to them, and I suppose then they don't mind it, but, it is so wrong!!!!!!!! If you continually use some one, whether it is an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member, you need to re-examine your life and your goals, and your priorities, and I hope God convicts you for what you are doing. You should be ashamed of what you are doing. If you can't suck it up and do what is right and deal with the consequences you have made, then you have an issue. It shouldn't be everyone else's responsibility to bail you out. And another thing, don't talk about someone in a negative tone and then take advantage of them. Don't ignore them either and only call upon them when it is to your benefit... Okay, Okay, Okay, I realize I'm repeating myself.... I guess that is it for now. L

Announcement

Hello to all my faithful family and friends..... within the next couple of week's I will have a website up and running. It will have blogs about life, dogs, God and other things that keep me entertained and accountable for my actions. I will also have available places for people to buy articles from me regarding different things in life. I also hope to have an ebook on there soon called Scattered Thoughts. It will be available to purchase as a whole or just individual articles. I don't have all the things completely lined out, but I will also be advertising to do desktop publishing of directories for small Churches, small books for churches, etc. If you know anyone that needs help with any type of writing, I will be happy to look and see if it is something I can help with, and if not, I know other people who have staffs of writers that might also be able to help. The website will be simple to remember and I will post the name as soon as I acquire the domain rights. I will keep everyone posted and hope to help those in need. Take care and God Bless you all! L