My Thoughts after Christmas!

A Family Christmas

We had a wonderful couple of days of Christmas celebrating.  We spent Christmas Eve in Denton with my mom and it was perfect!  There was about 21 of us.  We had a good time, and even though it was raining and cold, we stayed dry and warm.  There was lots of love in the room.  (Found out today that there will be a new baby in this family next year)


We spent Christmas day at my mother in laws and a good time was had by all I think.  I think the final count was some where around 54 1/3 (there should be a new baby in this family next Christmas, too), but not everyone was there. 


There was plenty of food at both places and life was good.  We were the first ones to my mother in laws, and the second or third to arrive at my mom's.  My niece Misty, was there for the day from the halfway house where she is finishing up her rehab.  I am so very proud of her.  She is turning her life around and is serious about not messing up.  I love her a bunch. 

Thoughts of the Future

Norman and I have been praying about what direction God wants us to go and what we need to do.  We have talked of moving to Gunter, TX and living and working on the ranch there with my family, sisters and mom to be specific.  We are still waiting for confirmation of that, and as I've been praying today and reading different things that have come by way of email and blogs that I follow, I'm not sure that is going to be right for us.  Although it would help in lots of ways, just not feeling a 100% about it.  I know that all will be revealed when the time comes. 


What else does the future hold?  No one really knows.  We are not promised our next breath, so how can we really know what God has in store.  We know only that He will never forsake us and that He is always with us, even when we are places that we shouldn't be. But that is a post for my other blog.  


My dreams of dogs and being a published writer, well I don't know if this is the year or not.  Have I given up on those dreams, definitely not, but just waiting for the right sign that I need to pursue one or the other or both.  My teaching degree?  Well I'm still working on that as well. 


Is there anything that I know for sure will happen this next year, yes, I will continue to strive to be the best Christian I can be, finish my recovery steps, study, go to school, and do my best as a mother and a wife.  Is there anything else I want to happen?  Well yes, I would like to find a better place to live, but if it takes a while, I will survive. 


May you all have a great week!  God Bless!

Teacher and Everything Else

Okay so today was a Teacher's in service day and we were off premises, which is nice, because on the three days I don't teach, I still clean at the church.  Anyway, we went over curriculum, lesson plans, centers, PE, Music, Science, Story Time/Safety Lesson, and Bible Study.  I'm the only one not certified, but I don't have to be at the Day school.  I am hoping that God will use this time to show me if teaching is something I need to pursue or not and if it is, I want to be certified. 

I was so overwhelmed with things.  We are at school from 7:30 to 3:30 on Tuesday and Thursdays.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared... (I know it is 3 year olds...What do I have to be scared of???) Anyway, I will have eight little children that I get to teach how to write their names, count, learn all the pledges, the calendar, the alphabet... and the list goes on.  My husband says this is my practice for being a grandma.  He says I have so much love in my heart that I need to share it with all those little kids. 

I feel kind of like a fish out of water, but I know it will be okay, because God is going to be there every step of the way.  I love that I'm at a school where it's okay to talk about Jesus, God, The bible, and we even pray in the mornings, before snack and before lunch.

Thursday will be getting our rooms set up for the kids.  Monday night is open house, and then the first day of school is August 31st.  Whew Hoo!!!!!!  Tomorrow I get some one on one training and help with my lesson plan.  I'm having a difficult time getting the logistics but I know it will all come together. 

I hope that as a Christian I will be able to impact some of these peoples lives, as a mother and grandmother I get to share my love with the children while teaching them to write and count.  I can't wait!!!!

May you all be truly Blessed by God.  Impact a small person's life if you get the chance.  You may be the difference they need.

Separating Your Feelings

There are times lately that I have a hard time separating out my feelings.  I pretty sure most of it is because I am going to recovery meetings and it takes you through a lot of self-examination.  During the day, my mood fluctuates so much that I can cry one minute and laugh myself to tears the next.  Are my hormones screwed up?  Probably.  I've needed to go to the doctor for hormonal issues for more than a year.  No health insurance and lack of income stop me from going. 

Some days I feel I have given up a lot in the last few years and I am resentful that I've had to do that, not because I was asked to give them up, but because I had to make some very difficult decisions.  Do I ever wish I could turn back time?  Several hundred times a week.  Would it make a difference?  Probably not. 

But I do have some regrets that have caused a lot of guilt feelings.  The guilt won't seem to go away, and I hope as I travel through on the road to recovery, that they will.  I lean more on God every day.  I find myself praying and don't even realize that I am doing it.  I find myself singing a song in my head from church service on Sunday morning, or from one I've been listening too on the radio at the house.  It's not a bad thing, because it keeps me from reliving things from my past.  It keeps anger at bay.  And I feel closer to God and eventually kind of calm inside. 

The dreams that are happening, I'm sure stem from recovery and having to analyze things from my past.  One or two things that keep coming back to surface is the question about being selfish.  I've never thought of myself as being selfish, maybe I am and just don't see.  I'm sure I could pose the question to family and friends and they would be more than happy to answer.  Oh but am I ready for that part of recovery?  I'm not even sure I'm ready for recovery. 

Okay and just as a reminder, recovery is not just for drug addicts or alcoholics.  It is for people who have been hurt in their past from many different things or maybe because they have other addictions that could eventually harm them or ruin their lives.  So before you look down your nose at someone because they are attending recovery meetings, examine your own past.  Maybe you need to go too!

Pray For America

I received the below in an email message and was asked to send it to everyone in my email address book. I thought posting it to the Internet might be better and reach more people. However, please feel free to copy and paste to an email to send out to everyone. May God Bless Us All!

Here is the message:
We are speeding towards one world government and the second coming at a rapid pace. I remember reading about the children of Israel who turned from God time and time again, only to realize their mistake and pray for forgiveness. Each time, God would forgive them and they would walk with him for a time. So, I am going to ask you to join me in praying for our nation every day. God is in control!!! Our president did not encourage participation in the National Day of Prayer. He called it an event. He thinks it should be private prayer instead of Public Prayer. May God Have Mercy On America & Protect Our Troops! In Texarkana last week, there were signs in people's yards that said, "America, Prayer Our Only Hope" with 2 Chron. 7:14 underneath. We certainly need God's help!Our nation is and has been on the slippery slope for a long time. If you look around you will find corruption, greed, moral decay, and a steady move away from the things that made us great. The principles upon which this nation was founded are no longer our backbone. However, we can reverse this trend. 2 Chron. 7:14 in God's word he states, "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." I am convinced that we must pray for our nation and its leaders and ask for forgiveness. So I ask you to join me in this plea to our Lord.Would you please send this to people in your address book (send it to all of them); ask them to pray EVERYDAY... (25 to only the 5th power is 9,765,625 people..) IMAGINE if each person reaches TEN others...or all TWENTY FIVE! If you do and they comply, we will lift up millions and millions of prayers a day to our Creator. He will hear us and in faith will answer.Let me just add a quote from Ronald Reagan. "If we ever forget that we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." I truly believe this is why the United States of America is in the shape we are in today. Most people have forgotten that we are one nation under God! Let us as Christians stand up and remind people of this!!

Three Questions

I have a friend who writes a blog called, "Striving for 31", http://www.strivingfor31.com/. She is the wife of a Baptist preacher in North Carolina. Her blogs are more, so much more than mine are and raise a lot of questions for me sometimes. Today or the last post I read was titled, "Getting to know you...". She asked 10 questions, three of which I left blank. The three questions that I didn't answer are as follows:

• What do you really want for Christmas?


• If you could ask God one question (anything goes) what would you ask Him?


• What inspires you?

Those three questions have stumped me. Normally I would have an answer flying from my fingertips to a key board, but this year has been so different, unusual, full of trials and tribulations and has made me step back and re-examine aspects of my life. I have no regrets about the decisions that I have made and that have brought me to this point. So I'm trying to answer these questions and I'm trying to be as truthful with myself and with you, my readers.

So here is one of the questions: What do I really want for Christmas?

This should be a fairly easy and simple question, but its not. I could ask for something frivolous like a bottle of perfume or some new clothes or a video game or a new DVD, but that is not what I really want. I guess deep down, I just want to be happy and healthy and I have both of those already. I love my husband and my family and I want for all of them to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. That is or would be an exceptional gift! It is a gift that only God can give and I ask that for them all.

As for the other two questions, what question would I ask God? That one will be addressed on the following blogspot: http://livingbythewordofGod.blogspot.com. What inspires me? I will address on this blogspot as soon as I write my answer. May God Bless each and everyone of you in the days to come, and may He fulfill all your needs, desires and wants... Love, L

A Life Update

During the last two weeks, my life has been what seemed like a whirlwind, with lots of dust swirling around. Things that I thought I needed to do, didn't get done, but that was okay. I'm an obsessive compulsive, and some times, it gets the better of me. I receive daily devotionals from a pastor named Alaistar Beggs. I use to love to listen to him on the radio. He always has a great message. It was one of these devotionals that made me realize that I miss the in depth studies I had for the one semester at Criswell Bible College. So since I read that passage, devotional, I have been studying. My husband has a great knowledge of the bible as well as his brother, his mother, stepfather, my sister in laws, my mother, and my sisters. I've learned something in the last two weeks, that even though I looked at them as being sinless, they aren't, and this includes my mother, father, sisters, my child, inlaws, outlaws, and everyone else related. No one is, even if we are Christians and strive to be sinless, there are still times that we sin or are sinners. Jesus saved me, a sinner when I wasn't but a new teenager. However, no one took me by the hand and said, "Now this is how you need to live and you need to learn God's word. You need to bring others to Jesus." My husband and I have not attended church since about September of 2008. Why? Well life got in the way, and I no longer felt God's presence in that church. Was that what really was happening? Or was I just consumed by my life happenings, that I couldn't feel God? I'm not sure I really know the answer to that question. I do know that God has opened my eyes about a lot of things. I was raised a Baptist. My grandfather was a deacon in Hilltop Baptist Church. My Aunt and Uncle were members there, that is where I first walked the aisle and made my public confession of faith. That is where I was baptized. I feel like I have finally found answers to questions that have plagued me for a long time. I thank God for that.... I know God will continue to drive me the direction I need to go. My husband and I are starting to talk about going back to church. I'm not sure where that will be physically, I do know that we are both Baptist and I'm not looking to give up my denomination and neither is he. May God bless each and every person that reads this. I'm going to share my testimony on my other blog. http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com/. Blessings, L

Defeating The Devil

All my life I've been taught to stand up for what I believe in and for myself. That has always meant to me, to fight. If someone says something bad about you or someone close to you, take a stand and fight back. Someone wise just pointed out to me that I'm letting the devil win. Every time, I respond back against "my so called enemies", I'm letting the devil rob me of my christian values, and I'm helping the devil to destroy. That is not what I have ever intended to do. It hurts when someone that is suppose to be close and be your friend, says something bad about you, your spouse, your children or some one else in your immediate family. I apologize from the bottom of my heart and hope that anyone that I have offended or hurt by my retaliation remarks will forgive me. I will be praying for God's forgiveness as well.

Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

I try to stay in the word of God, but I lose that battle more than I win. In the last month, I have discovered that the only thing that matters is what is in my heart that God sees, not what others think or feel about me. May God Bless you all. With all my heart, L