A Personal Mission Statement

Well I just finished up my second full week of school and I love it!  I'm thinking seriously about going full time or at least 3/4 time after this semester.  One of my classes for the first 7.5 weeks is called FYE or First Year Experience.  It is a great class and the lectures are awesome.  One of the topics this week was writing a personal mission statement.  There were two videos that we could watch.  One was just a random one of young girl writing her personal statement.  The other was the scene from Jerry Maquire where he writes a 25 page personal mission statement.  After reading the text and watching one of the videos, and i didn't watch Tom Cruise, I started thinking about my personal mission statement. 

Writing a personal mission statement is actually a daily tool to be used to keep you focused and on tract to obtain your short and long term goals, as well as keeping what is important in your life, and knowing who and what you want to be.  Using past life experiences and what you see yourself doing in the future are part of writing a mission statement.  So after all week long thinking about what was important, the reason I was doing what I was doing, and who I want to be and where I want to be in the next 1 to 4 years, I wrote a first draft of my personal mission statement.  It is in no way finished or close to where I want it to be, but it did get some of the preliminary things on paper. 

I have been a dreamer all my life, and I guess that is why I like to write.  Writing and dreaming gives me the opportunity to be someone I'm not.  Some of my goals have changed over the years but one thing that has never changed is my goal to be a published writer.  Some of you might wonder than why I'm not going after a degree in journalism or media.  Well writers don't really make that much money to start out with, especially if you don't make it on the best sellers list.  I have to be practical and I can still be a dreamer.  The practical side of me knows that I need to work for us to be able to survive, unless of course we win the lottery.  The dreamer side of me can still strive to be that published writer. 

As a person, I want to be someone that people trust, that is honest, that cares and that wants to help people, but also have family and friends in their life.  My husband and my child are the utmost of importance to me.  God is first in my life, but they come in second, then family, then work.  These are all things we need to consider.  I guess the bottom line here is this, writing this personal mission statement will help me to define short term, long term goals, and the map on how to achieve those. 

What are your long term and short term goals?  ARe you only living day to day with no thought of where you want to be in one, two or four years from now?  I'm 48 years old about to be 49, this has become majorily important to me, to achieve, accomplish and complete this before I'm too old to reap the benefits.

Have a blessed day!

So Many Thoughts, Not Enough Space or Time

Okay so I could sleep late this morning and I woke up before four am.  I finally got up at five something and pushed the button on the coffee pot.  Why?  Who knows why I woke up so early, but I dreamed a lot last night.  Some of my dream had to do with renewing our vows, but the hymn Tenderly and Softly ( I think that is correct) kept running through my mind.  Of course I am always thinking about how I can increase my income from writing, and I'm not talking about writing content.  I can do that and I'm okay with that, but I have an extremely hard time writing about things I have no interest in or care about.  So I know that just writing content is never going to be enough income.  I love writing stories, books, poems (although I'm not as good at poems) and just little articles or pages dealing with life.  I have writing posted on the website called triond and you make money off of it for people viewing or reading or whatever you want to call it.  I've received a notice today that I made a whole .51 cents on the site this last month.  Okay I know you are laughing, but here's the thing, I've not posted anything new on that site probably in months.  So to make money when I haven't added anything new, means something to me.  I also have articles and stories on http://www.helium.com/ and I have two or three dollars accumulated on that site as well, but you can't get paid from that one unless you have 25.00 or more. 

On Monday of this week, I made a list of things that I wanted to work on this week, and I kind of starting working towards my goal of losing 35 pounds.  By the way, I've lost 4 pounds since the 27th of December, and I'm not really trying, just increasing protein, water intake and the amount I eat, and how often I eat.  Anyway, the list I compiled looked like this:

Triond
Helium
Blogs
Budget - completed, but needs to be changed a little
Math
Caity's Blanket
journal
devotional
Food log
telephone service - completed
vacuum cleaner belts - borrowed my niece's instead
Grant gopher
Vince's stuff - I've tried and I don't think I can accomplish this one.

Things I've done that weren't on that list are as follows:
made dog treats
cleaned the house
did laundry
exercised
new cell phones activated

Today is Thursday and the chances that I will get anything else done on the original list is very slim.  I did start a journal entry this morning and I did make a list of items we still need to pay by the end of January, and that one is in God's hands.  There is a recovery meeting tonight and I'm going to try to go, but... we will just leave it at that.  (Ugh I need to take something out of the freezer for dinner)

I know that God never leaves us and we just have to trust in Him completely.  That was my one and only resolution for the year, To Trust In God and Step out in Faith.  So here it is God.  I know you can sort through it and show me where and how, when, and why, and what. 

May you all have a God Filled and Blessed Day!

My laptop is repaired!!!!!!!

Okay I know it is lame but we have been sharing  a computer for probably almost a month, which is not a big deal when we are both working.  But if he doesn't have any work then he is here at home when I get home from work and alas we both can't get on the computer at the same time.  So he took the computers to see if they could be repaired.  Thanks Honey!  I love you with all my heart!  (My laptop was fixable)

Anyway, his desktop computer is dead.  He's genealogy database was on it so now it is time to rebuild the data base and this time back it up to a disk.  I'm writing again since I'm not working at the school any longer and so far so good.  I should be able to make at least 125 a week, once I get into the swing of things.  I made about 32 in four hours last week.  Not bad, but definitely not going to pay the bills.

Anyway, God is taking care of things and we will be fine.  We drove by a house, but it just didn't feel completely right.  Not ruling it out, but not going to go jump on it. 

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day!  May God Bless Your Socks off!  as my friend says. 

Love, L.

Renewing Our Vows

We have only been married 4 years, but our 5th wedding anniversary is March 31st, 2011.  Our lives have changed a lot during the last few years and we are going to renew our vows.  We have reserved the church for as close to our anniversary as possible, so the date is currently set for March 26th, 2011.  Our first ceremony was a western motif.  I didn't wear a wedding dress because I couldn't see spending an enormous amount of money for a dress I was going to wear once. I thought about wearing one this time, and I even tried my daughters on today, but think, I'm just going to buy a nice formal dress or outfit and have my husband wear a very nice suit.  I'm not going do a lot of decorating in the church but the other thing is we had the reception at the church and so there was no dancing when we got married.  I'm kind of thinking that I want some music and dancing this time. 

However, I'm not sure how or what else I want the ceremony to be.  I've been reading a lot of information from the Internet about writing our vows, having the same witnesses to stand up with us, etc...  I don't know that I need that much of a formal ceremony.  I want everyone to be invited from the church, that wants to attend.  There won't be any liquor because neither of us drink and we are Christians, and I don't think Christians should drink, even if it is only a glass of wine here or there. 

I guess what I'm getting at is does anyone have any suggestions.  I want it to be a family and friends affair, with music, fun, a cake, punch, coffee, soft drinks and tea and maybe some finger foods.  As for as the dancing part, we will have to rent either the Rose Community Center (not sure that is the right name) or a building on the fair grounds, because there is nothing bigger in town that would allow for dancing, and I don't want to have to drive anywhere else.   

If anyone has renewed their wedding vows, I'm looking for some ideas.  All help is appreciated.  Hope everyone has a God Filled day, and a blessed week.  Love, L.

Compulsive Eating - One of my addictions

I was diagnosed with compulsive eating disorder in 1999.  I was seeing a therapist and after some evaluations, she had my diagnosis.  It was hard for me to get it under control and I did or I would not have been cleared psychologically to have a gastric bypass.  However, it is back and in full swing, and based on my calculations has been for at least 18 months.  If you count from my lowest weight since the gastric bypass until today, then I have gained 25 pounds.  So what am I doing to get this back under control?  Well here's where we are:

1)  First I had to face the fact that it was back and I told my husband, mother, daughter, and other family members. 
2) Next I went to our storage building and retrieved my books that I've had since I was first diagnosed.  There are titled:  "Feeding the Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth and "Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating" also by Geneen Roth.
3) Now I'm reading the first book again, and I found it interesting how some of the steps follow right along with recovery. 

"We would rather turn to food or drugs or drink that dulls the call, never reaching the loamy hungers inside.  The drive to eat compulsively is not about food.  It is about hungers.  The hungers of regret and sorrow, of unspoken anger, unrealized dreams; the hungers of your own potential that are waiting to be filled, like a baby bird's mouth." 

I'm determined once again to conquer this demon.  My husband is standing by my side and is helping me.  I've explained about trigger foods like sugar cookie dough, chips and hot sauce, french fries, tater tots, and the list will be expanded once I identify the list.  It will be posted in our kitchen, on the fridge, and he is going to help me. 

Everyone, every size and shape can have an eating disorder and you would not know it by looking at them.  Binge and purge is a very common one and although this is not something I'm proud of I can throw up at the drop of a hat.  Gross right?  Yes.  It has taken me until yesterday to really see how bad it was, and I think my husband noticed it for the first time.  I have put some new parameters in place to help me with some of my issues.  There are  only two right now, but are a major step to stop the purging.

1) Don't drink anything while I'm eating.  Stop five minutes before I eat, and don't drink again until at least 30 minutes after my meal.  This one is difficult.

2)  Put my utensil down between each bite and completely chew my bite of food before picking up my utensil and starting again. 

These too steps allow you to know when you are full with food, and not drinking allows for you not to stretch your stomach with both food and drink. 

It may sound so simple to someone who doesn't have an issue, but it's not as simple as you think.  Like today, I ate more at lunch than I should have, and it was all I could do, not to purge myself.  It will get better, and God will be with me every step of the way.  May you be truly Blessed with God's love.  L

Notice to my post on Addiction & Recovery

For those of you who read my blog last time, you know that I have started attend Recovery.  It is a very Christian based program and also addresses the 12steps that you have heard about.  Since it is so intertwined with God, I'm going to do my writing about it and my journey on my other blog, http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com.  Please come read and follow my journey as my life is transformed by the only one who can do it, GOD, Jesus Christ, My/Our Saviour. 

May you all have a God Filled Day!  Love, L

Here is my Prayer for the day

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.
5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.
7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.
8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.
9For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is very wickedness; their throat is an open sepulchre; they flatter with their tongue.
10Destroy thou them, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; cast them out in the multitude of their transgressions; for they have rebelled against thee.
11But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.
12For thou, LORD, wilt bless the righteous; with favour wilt thou compass him as with a shield.
I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

A Life Update

During the last two weeks, my life has been what seemed like a whirlwind, with lots of dust swirling around. Things that I thought I needed to do, didn't get done, but that was okay. I'm an obsessive compulsive, and some times, it gets the better of me. I receive daily devotionals from a pastor named Alaistar Beggs. I use to love to listen to him on the radio. He always has a great message. It was one of these devotionals that made me realize that I miss the in depth studies I had for the one semester at Criswell Bible College. So since I read that passage, devotional, I have been studying. My husband has a great knowledge of the bible as well as his brother, his mother, stepfather, my sister in laws, my mother, and my sisters. I've learned something in the last two weeks, that even though I looked at them as being sinless, they aren't, and this includes my mother, father, sisters, my child, inlaws, outlaws, and everyone else related. No one is, even if we are Christians and strive to be sinless, there are still times that we sin or are sinners. Jesus saved me, a sinner when I wasn't but a new teenager. However, no one took me by the hand and said, "Now this is how you need to live and you need to learn God's word. You need to bring others to Jesus." My husband and I have not attended church since about September of 2008. Why? Well life got in the way, and I no longer felt God's presence in that church. Was that what really was happening? Or was I just consumed by my life happenings, that I couldn't feel God? I'm not sure I really know the answer to that question. I do know that God has opened my eyes about a lot of things. I was raised a Baptist. My grandfather was a deacon in Hilltop Baptist Church. My Aunt and Uncle were members there, that is where I first walked the aisle and made my public confession of faith. That is where I was baptized. I feel like I have finally found answers to questions that have plagued me for a long time. I thank God for that.... I know God will continue to drive me the direction I need to go. My husband and I are starting to talk about going back to church. I'm not sure where that will be physically, I do know that we are both Baptist and I'm not looking to give up my denomination and neither is he. May God bless each and every person that reads this. I'm going to share my testimony on my other blog. http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com/. Blessings, L