Hate - A very strong emotion

We fight the battle of good vs evil everyday. Some days we win and some days we lose. God is always there with us helping us to fight those battles and we walk away with scars that run very deep some times. I'm not talking evil as in villians, monsters, crooks, robbers and such. I'm talking about the battle within ourselves to do good instead of bad, to think good instead of bad, to love everyone and not have bad feelings towards others. Hate is a word I associate with bad or evil. I don't hate anyone, I don't love everyone like I should, like the bible dictates. I have a strong dislike for some people and it usually comes back to how I was treated by them or something that was done. I always try to forgive and forget. The forgiving part is not as hard as it used to be, but sometimes the forgetting part of what happened lingers endlessly. It's kind of like that darkness that sometimes tries to steal me from the world. I fear that one day the darkness will win and swallow me and I will cease to exist. Sometimes people cause you to have negative thoughts or cause emotions like hatred and anger to over take your thoughts, body and soul. I try to go to God when that starts to happen and sometimes, I just cry. Hate is something I have more towards myself than anyone else. I hate that I let myself get caught up in what other people think of me, my life. I hate the guilt I feel towards things that have happened in the past even though I've asked for God forgiveness, the forgetting doesn't stop. I hate that I let these thoughts and feelings sometimes take over my life. I hate that I don't trust people no matter what. I hate that I feel like I've let people down or failed them for one reason or another. I hate that I have let life harden my heart. I hate that I let my past interfere in my present and sometimes dictate the course of my future. I hate that I have no close friends and I hate that I let my anger and fear run them off. God will or has forgiven me, I just can't forgive myself or let the emotions go. May God bless you all. Love, L