I was diagnosed with compulsive eating disorder in 1999. I was seeing a therapist and after some evaluations, she had my diagnosis. It was hard for me to get it under control and I did or I would not have been cleared psychologically to have a gastric bypass. However, it is back and in full swing, and based on my calculations has been for at least 18 months. If you count from my lowest weight since the gastric bypass until today, then I have gained 25 pounds. So what am I doing to get this back under control? Well here's where we are:
1) First I had to face the fact that it was back and I told my husband, mother, daughter, and other family members.
2) Next I went to our storage building and retrieved my books that I've had since I was first diagnosed. There are titled: "Feeding the Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth and "Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating" also by Geneen Roth.
3) Now I'm reading the first book again, and I found it interesting how some of the steps follow right along with recovery.
"We would rather turn to food or drugs or drink that dulls the call, never reaching the loamy hungers inside. The drive to eat compulsively is not about food. It is about hungers. The hungers of regret and sorrow, of unspoken anger, unrealized dreams; the hungers of your own potential that are waiting to be filled, like a baby bird's mouth."
I'm determined once again to conquer this demon. My husband is standing by my side and is helping me. I've explained about trigger foods like sugar cookie dough, chips and hot sauce, french fries, tater tots, and the list will be expanded once I identify the list. It will be posted in our kitchen, on the fridge, and he is going to help me.
Everyone, every size and shape can have an eating disorder and you would not know it by looking at them. Binge and purge is a very common one and although this is not something I'm proud of I can throw up at the drop of a hat. Gross right? Yes. It has taken me until yesterday to really see how bad it was, and I think my husband noticed it for the first time. I have put some new parameters in place to help me with some of my issues. There are only two right now, but are a major step to stop the purging.
1) Don't drink anything while I'm eating. Stop five minutes before I eat, and don't drink again until at least 30 minutes after my meal. This one is difficult.
2) Put my utensil down between each bite and completely chew my bite of food before picking up my utensil and starting again.
These too steps allow you to know when you are full with food, and not drinking allows for you not to stretch your stomach with both food and drink.
It may sound so simple to someone who doesn't have an issue, but it's not as simple as you think. Like today, I ate more at lunch than I should have, and it was all I could do, not to purge myself. It will get better, and God will be with me every step of the way. May you be truly Blessed with God's love. L
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