A Life Update

During the last two weeks, my life has been what seemed like a whirlwind, with lots of dust swirling around. Things that I thought I needed to do, didn't get done, but that was okay. I'm an obsessive compulsive, and some times, it gets the better of me. I receive daily devotionals from a pastor named Alaistar Beggs. I use to love to listen to him on the radio. He always has a great message. It was one of these devotionals that made me realize that I miss the in depth studies I had for the one semester at Criswell Bible College. So since I read that passage, devotional, I have been studying. My husband has a great knowledge of the bible as well as his brother, his mother, stepfather, my sister in laws, my mother, and my sisters. I've learned something in the last two weeks, that even though I looked at them as being sinless, they aren't, and this includes my mother, father, sisters, my child, inlaws, outlaws, and everyone else related. No one is, even if we are Christians and strive to be sinless, there are still times that we sin or are sinners. Jesus saved me, a sinner when I wasn't but a new teenager. However, no one took me by the hand and said, "Now this is how you need to live and you need to learn God's word. You need to bring others to Jesus." My husband and I have not attended church since about September of 2008. Why? Well life got in the way, and I no longer felt God's presence in that church. Was that what really was happening? Or was I just consumed by my life happenings, that I couldn't feel God? I'm not sure I really know the answer to that question. I do know that God has opened my eyes about a lot of things. I was raised a Baptist. My grandfather was a deacon in Hilltop Baptist Church. My Aunt and Uncle were members there, that is where I first walked the aisle and made my public confession of faith. That is where I was baptized. I feel like I have finally found answers to questions that have plagued me for a long time. I thank God for that.... I know God will continue to drive me the direction I need to go. My husband and I are starting to talk about going back to church. I'm not sure where that will be physically, I do know that we are both Baptist and I'm not looking to give up my denomination and neither is he. May God bless each and every person that reads this. I'm going to share my testimony on my other blog. http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com/. Blessings, L

Website Update

Hello everyone, this is just a simple note to let everyone know that I updated my website today and have a few things out there to see. I'm offering an article for sale, and I have placed some photos of some thing I'm thinking about offering on my website for purchase. Please go take a look. The web address is www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com. The article for sale is the Honesty article I placed on one of my blogs.

Another thing I'm offering is wood work art, with scriptures burnt into the wood. There are photos on the website.

I may go to my other blog and place some photos. Please let me know what you think.

May God bless you...L

Realization

I've been thinking about this for awhile. I exchange my old cell phone and service carrier for one on my husband plan with a full keyboard. It seemed that I used text messaging more than the phone service. So at the beginning of July, I got a whole new set up. I sent the new number to my friends and family, expecting life to be the same. It has occurred to me recently, that I don't need a cell phone. I work with my husband now, so we don't even use ours to call each other and now that there is unlimited text messaging on his phone plan, we don't use that feature either. I receive no calls from my family or friends except my daughter and occasionally my son in law, but no one else. So what changed? Did I just tick everyone off? Did I say something else that I should have kept to myself? Or have all my friends gone away? I'm not sure the reason, but I feel very alone. I have my husband and my daughter, but it doesn't seem like there is anyone else in my life. I'm on facebook and I have little conversations there, but it is really just another addiction I have to play games. Anyone have any ideas? May God Bless you all. L

Doors and Friends

I guess the phrase “when one door closes another one opens” is true. However, sometimes we don’t always get confirmation that this is absolute. Sometimes we make decisions and never know if we made the right one at the right time. So I guess that sometimes we close those doors and can only hope another will open and immediate confirmation is not always there. I did however receive confirmation that I made the correct decision from about 14 months ago. After 23 years, I left the relocation industry on a venture, that I hoped and prayed would be fruitful, and even though the venture was not, my decision was still correct.

The company I worked for was sold and I believe there have been two layoffs and insurance benefits have gone up and some people have had to take pay cuts to keep a job.

During the last 14 months, many doors or opportunities have been opened for me. I temporarily worked for a furniture store, a movie theater and I have been able to write articles for people. Many doors have also closed during those 14 months. I left behind the security of a monthly paycheck, health insurance, good friends, lost a home, gave up my dogs, and lost a sister in laws friendship. This wasn’t all because of the decision I made, but because of things that happened emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally during that time. I drifted to a place of darkness that I never want to visit again, but some days I feel myself drifting towards that well of darkness.

Just like doors, friends come and go in our lives. They arrive to fill a specific need and sometimes, are gone very soon, and sometimes are with us for our entire lives. God fills our lives with those people to take care of needs whether they are emotional, spiritual, mental or physical. Sometimes those particular friendships or relationships end on a good note or end horribly and make us wonder why on earth we ever met.

There are many regrets when it comes to friends. Some if those friends, I lost due to their death, some because of words said or written and some because we just lost touch with each other. My regrets come from not saying good bye, some from not saying, I’m sorry, I did mean that the way it sounded, and some I just didn’t get to say how much I loved them and how much I enjoyed having them as friends.

Just remember that doors and friends open and close, come and go, and we don’t always know when that will happen. Cherish your friendships, say you’re sorry when you need to or even if you don’t think you need too, be there for them when they need you because you may need them some day as well. Never dwell in the past, live in the present and look forward to the future and pray to God for the things you need, the blessing you have received, for loved ones, for those that are sick or in need of healing. It doesn’t matter what people think of you or say about you. It matters as to what is in your heart, and that God lives there and knows your soul. Life is stressful enough without trying to worry about what people might say, think or do. Live life to the fullest; love unconditionally; laugh often, cry it cleanses the soul, and don’t expect anything in return. God will see to all your needs. May you be Blessed to the fullest and may God shine through your soul.

Hate - A very strong emotion

We fight the battle of good vs evil everyday. Some days we win and some days we lose. God is always there with us helping us to fight those battles and we walk away with scars that run very deep some times. I'm not talking evil as in villians, monsters, crooks, robbers and such. I'm talking about the battle within ourselves to do good instead of bad, to think good instead of bad, to love everyone and not have bad feelings towards others. Hate is a word I associate with bad or evil. I don't hate anyone, I don't love everyone like I should, like the bible dictates. I have a strong dislike for some people and it usually comes back to how I was treated by them or something that was done. I always try to forgive and forget. The forgiving part is not as hard as it used to be, but sometimes the forgetting part of what happened lingers endlessly. It's kind of like that darkness that sometimes tries to steal me from the world. I fear that one day the darkness will win and swallow me and I will cease to exist. Sometimes people cause you to have negative thoughts or cause emotions like hatred and anger to over take your thoughts, body and soul. I try to go to God when that starts to happen and sometimes, I just cry. Hate is something I have more towards myself than anyone else. I hate that I let myself get caught up in what other people think of me, my life. I hate the guilt I feel towards things that have happened in the past even though I've asked for God forgiveness, the forgetting doesn't stop. I hate that I let these thoughts and feelings sometimes take over my life. I hate that I don't trust people no matter what. I hate that I feel like I've let people down or failed them for one reason or another. I hate that I have let life harden my heart. I hate that I let my past interfere in my present and sometimes dictate the course of my future. I hate that I have no close friends and I hate that I let my anger and fear run them off. God will or has forgiven me, I just can't forgive myself or let the emotions go. May God bless you all. Love, L