Dreams.... To Follow or Give Up

Some times it seems that I'm being given signs to keep believing that one day I'll have my dream, and then there are days when I think it is useless and just to give up. How do you know when it is time to let it go?? Is it a feeling? Are there definite signs??? Do I keep pushing? I'm not sure any more. I'm 47 years old and I think it is time that I redefine what is important to me. I love animals but I know that my husband does not share my enthusiasm for them. I love writing, but in the last few months I've had signs that maybe it is not to be... I finished my book Scattered Thoughts and I really would like to publish it. Even if I self-published it would be a goal that I accomplished this year. However, I know there are some things that would hurt people if I published it, and that is not something I want to do. Even though there are no names, of people directly it would make hard feelings and there are already enough of those I feel like some times. I don't know how many times in the last few months that I've been told I need to let go of the anger, and the funny thing is I'm not angry. I've been told I'm bitter. I don't see it... I've been told I'm depressed.. maybe. I've lost a lot of good friends since I quit corporate America. I don't have any close friends and I was even told that was because I push people away. Maybe? So when do you know to call it quits? When do you decide it is time to let those things go, and just try to make it in the world? Maybe it is time to go some place new and start over? Maybe I am a bitter angry person and that is why I can't see the things I need to see. I guess I'm just questioning things. I'm having a hard time staying focused on the present, because the future is so unsure. I just don't know....

Three Questions

I have a friend who writes a blog called, "Striving for 31", http://www.strivingfor31.com/. She is the wife of a Baptist preacher in North Carolina. Her blogs are more, so much more than mine are and raise a lot of questions for me sometimes. Today or the last post I read was titled, "Getting to know you...". She asked 10 questions, three of which I left blank. The three questions that I didn't answer are as follows:

• What do you really want for Christmas?


• If you could ask God one question (anything goes) what would you ask Him?


• What inspires you?

Those three questions have stumped me. Normally I would have an answer flying from my fingertips to a key board, but this year has been so different, unusual, full of trials and tribulations and has made me step back and re-examine aspects of my life. I have no regrets about the decisions that I have made and that have brought me to this point. So I'm trying to answer these questions and I'm trying to be as truthful with myself and with you, my readers.

So here is one of the questions: What do I really want for Christmas?

This should be a fairly easy and simple question, but its not. I could ask for something frivolous like a bottle of perfume or some new clothes or a video game or a new DVD, but that is not what I really want. I guess deep down, I just want to be happy and healthy and I have both of those already. I love my husband and my family and I want for all of them to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. That is or would be an exceptional gift! It is a gift that only God can give and I ask that for them all.

As for the other two questions, what question would I ask God? That one will be addressed on the following blogspot: http://livingbythewordofGod.blogspot.com. What inspires me? I will address on this blogspot as soon as I write my answer. May God Bless each and everyone of you in the days to come, and may He fulfill all your needs, desires and wants... Love, L

Running 100 mph

Whew!! That is all I can say!!! My daughter broke her hand last Friday. We took her to the orthopedic yesterday and she has a nice fiberglass cast now. She is having great difficulty learning to do things with only one hand. However, have you ever stopped to think about what you do with both hands and take it for granted??? I mean like taking a shower and washing your hair, opening up a can of soup, pulling up your pants or putting on a shirt.... I mean can you do those things with one hand????? Anyway, she is adjusting and she goes back to the doctors in a month. However, she is stressed beyond belief.

I feel like I'm running trying to take care of her but I would do it know matter what. She has taken care of me so many times, with a bum knee, after gastric bypass, and when I had mono. Between her and my mom, I'm indebted until the day I die.

I hit the floor running almost every morning by five am or 5:30, and I'm not usually in the bed before 10:30 and if I am, I'm dead within minutes and don't sleep but a couple of hours. Life is full these days and I'm loving it. My favorite parts are working on my blogs, my bible studies, and doing just normal wife things. Today, however, I need a nap. I'm glad my husband got back in time to mow the lawn. Now, dishes, dinner, the remainder of the laundry, and hopefully bed before midnight. Oh and we have a job!!! Yes God does take care of all our needs and gives us the energy to handle the things He lets us keep. May God Bless you all. Please say a prayer for my daughter for her hand, and for the rest of my family as they have the flue. Love you all, L

The End of the Week

Wow, it has been one of those weeks where I seemed to be at a dead run, but had nothing really to do. I finished a baby blanket, found the hot pad boards to return to my sister, worked on my bible study, came up with a new name for a new blog, and nursed my dog back to health. Other than that it was just normal household chores like cleaning, laundry, and budgeting for bills, oh and my daughter broke her hand. Go figure! So why do I feel like something was missing? If you read my blogs, I just wrote a conversation with God. I have those a lot, more now than I use to, and much deeper than they use to be. We are going to church again. Everyone is really nice, you can feel the love in the church, and everyone makes sure to speak and say hi, and no one said, "you have my seat." We know several people that already go there, and that makes it nice. We can walk across the street and we are there. We are going again tomorrow. I'm glad. I wasn't sure if we would or not. I'm not sure what next week will be like. I love working with my husband and brother in law, but sometimes it is difficult, especially if there are no facilities for potty breaks. I want my website to work. I want to write and be able to make a living, and not just a living to get us by or to pay the bills, but to be a legitimate income. I'm not looking for fame or to get rich. I just want to do more than survive. I don't want to have to worry about the weather effecting work, or the time of year when it is slow for general contracting, and I don't want my husband to have to work until he is 80. I know God will show us what we need to do, so in the meantime, please check out my website: www.farnsworthscreativeservices.com, and my other blogs: http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com, and http://beagledowns.blogspot.com, and there will soon be a new one, the name will be announced soon. May God Bless you all this week. Love, L

Can't Shake It

Do you ever have days where your brain will just not shut off for a few minutes? I mean even why you are sleeping, your brain continually thinks. Or do you ever have a day, where one single thing takes all the brain capacity you have and will not go away? For some reason today has been one of those days. I woke up in an excellent mood. It was a little chilly, coffee was made and you could smell it all over the house... ahhh it was so good. I'm not sure what triggered the mood change. I'm not sure what made the thoughts enter and why they will not leave. It wasn't just one single thought. It was several. I did my devotionals this morning, prayed just like always. So why is the devil taking over? I prayed for God to send him away. So what are the thoughts that have been plaguing me today? Where am I headed? What am I suppose to do with my life? Will life ever be normal again? Why do things happen just before the holidays? I've asked myself that last question for years. I guess that is why I don't really enjoy the holidays any more. It always seemed that something either happens just before a major holiday or while everyone is together. I love visiting family so what happened in my life to make things change? I can probably answer that question, and all the ones above but it is best sometimes to leave things unsaid, not spoken. May God Bless You all. Love L