Compulsive Eating - One of my addictions

I was diagnosed with compulsive eating disorder in 1999.  I was seeing a therapist and after some evaluations, she had my diagnosis.  It was hard for me to get it under control and I did or I would not have been cleared psychologically to have a gastric bypass.  However, it is back and in full swing, and based on my calculations has been for at least 18 months.  If you count from my lowest weight since the gastric bypass until today, then I have gained 25 pounds.  So what am I doing to get this back under control?  Well here's where we are:

1)  First I had to face the fact that it was back and I told my husband, mother, daughter, and other family members. 
2) Next I went to our storage building and retrieved my books that I've had since I was first diagnosed.  There are titled:  "Feeding the Hungry Heart" by Geneen Roth and "Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating" also by Geneen Roth.
3) Now I'm reading the first book again, and I found it interesting how some of the steps follow right along with recovery. 

"We would rather turn to food or drugs or drink that dulls the call, never reaching the loamy hungers inside.  The drive to eat compulsively is not about food.  It is about hungers.  The hungers of regret and sorrow, of unspoken anger, unrealized dreams; the hungers of your own potential that are waiting to be filled, like a baby bird's mouth." 

I'm determined once again to conquer this demon.  My husband is standing by my side and is helping me.  I've explained about trigger foods like sugar cookie dough, chips and hot sauce, french fries, tater tots, and the list will be expanded once I identify the list.  It will be posted in our kitchen, on the fridge, and he is going to help me. 

Everyone, every size and shape can have an eating disorder and you would not know it by looking at them.  Binge and purge is a very common one and although this is not something I'm proud of I can throw up at the drop of a hat.  Gross right?  Yes.  It has taken me until yesterday to really see how bad it was, and I think my husband noticed it for the first time.  I have put some new parameters in place to help me with some of my issues.  There are  only two right now, but are a major step to stop the purging.

1) Don't drink anything while I'm eating.  Stop five minutes before I eat, and don't drink again until at least 30 minutes after my meal.  This one is difficult.

2)  Put my utensil down between each bite and completely chew my bite of food before picking up my utensil and starting again. 

These too steps allow you to know when you are full with food, and not drinking allows for you not to stretch your stomach with both food and drink. 

It may sound so simple to someone who doesn't have an issue, but it's not as simple as you think.  Like today, I ate more at lunch than I should have, and it was all I could do, not to purge myself.  It will get better, and God will be with me every step of the way.  May you be truly Blessed with God's love.  L

Notice to my post on Addiction & Recovery

For those of you who read my blog last time, you know that I have started attend Recovery.  It is a very Christian based program and also addresses the 12steps that you have heard about.  Since it is so intertwined with God, I'm going to do my writing about it and my journey on my other blog, http://livingbythewordofgod.blogspot.com.  Please come read and follow my journey as my life is transformed by the only one who can do it, GOD, Jesus Christ, My/Our Saviour. 

May you all have a God Filled Day!  Love, L

Addiction and Recovery

When you speak of addiction, the first thing that usually comes to a person's mind is drugs and alcohol.  Gambling and Sex would probably be the next two things that a person thinks about.  However you can be an addict to many things in man's world.  There are places where you can go for treatment for addictions of every kind.  There are therapists of all kinds to help with all kinds of addiction.  A lot of those treatment facilities offer help and step by step programs.  But after you complete treatment, you are turned a loose back into society to just start your life again.  A lot of treatment programs treat the addiction but not what caused you to turn to your addiction to start with.  That where a good recovery program comes into play.  I haven't done drugs in about 22 years.  My last drink of alcohol was in December of 2009.  I struggle every day with wanting a drink and recently even though it has been a long time, I've had to struggle with the desire for the rush from using.  I use a highlighter in my bible readings and the refills come in this little plastic tube.  Most people wouldn't think a thing about the tube.  I emptied and thought that would work perfectly as a straw for snorting speed.  Go figure.  I would never go back to using drugs, but the desire is sometimes so strong I can't stand it.  So you might ask, what caused me to turn to drugs and alcohol?  I'm not really sure.  Some times I think it is because I have struggled all my life with a weight issue and even today, after surgery, I still struggle because I think I should be a lot smaller.  I'm a middle child, not the oldest and not the baby.  I was sexually abuse by someone I trust when I was 14.  I have always felt like I must compete and be the best no matter what.  So hence I have obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD as it is called.  These are just a few things that I think might have or could be a factor, but I've started attending a recovery group.  It is at my church and they use God in their recovery, not man, but God.  No one stares at you, you are accepted at face value.  There are no expectations, you are free to come and go as you please.  I'm excited to be a part of the group.  I'm looking forward to the next meeting.  There was a question  in the last meeting about when do you forget the hurt?  The answer was that only God forgives and forgets.  Men can forgive, but you don't forget, you heal.  The hurt is there to remind you not to turn back. 

Three Things Today

First, I'm going to be starting a new blog that I will strictly use for the writing of stories and sharing excerpts from Novels I have written. I hope you will tune in, and I will make the name announcement as soon as I come up with one. The frequency on that blog will not be as often as I write on the others.

Two, It is no secret or shouldn't be that I did drugs when my daughter was small. I snorted speed for about a month. The one feeling that is still very strong from that episode of my life, is feeling my pulse race and the blood move through my veins. There is no way to describe that feeling to another person, unless they, themselves have experienced it. Anyway, last night during dinner, I began experiencing that feeling. It makes me very nauseous now, and I'm not sure what caused it. We were eating frozen pizzas that we just bought about a week ago, so I don't think it was food poisoning. It took puking to and an aspirin to make it go away, and I had to lay down. I hate that!

Third thought or thing for the day. I haven't had a drink since June. I know that has only been about 4 months, but it has been more difficult than I thought. I didn't drink that often or so I thought, but for the last week, I have wanted to buy a six pack of Jack's Hard colas and drink everyone. I'm still drink free, but temptation has been awful and it doesn't make it any easier now that they sell it here in town at both the grocery stores and the convenience store.

Have a great Friday! and a Happy Halloween, Or Harvest Festival. May God Bless you all.